mommaruthsays

for my firstborn

2012-01-26T11:20:00.001-05:00

My favorite picture ever of Sidney sleeping, whens she was a little over 1 1/2 years old.

I feel so sorry for my big girl sometimes - there are days when she gets the short end of the stick from me, and it's not fair to her. I have too much on my plate, too many demands that have to be met first, before I can play with her or cuddle with her or read to her. I try to squeeze in those precious little moments with her as much as possible, but I have to be honest and admit that sometimes these moments just slip by.

The other night, after I put her down for bed, she called out to me and wanted me to come cuddle with her. I was just trying to get Rhealen down to sleep and by the time I got the little girl in bed, the big one had already fallen asleep. I felt so bad for her - all she wanted from me was a little cuddle and I couldn't get done with my "have to" list in order to make her "want to" list a reality.

I climbed in bed beside her and immediately began to cry.

Normally these kind of things don't get to me; I'm realistic and I know that things like this happen. I can't be everywhere all the time. And I make it a priority to have plenty of one-on-one time with her; it's just that usually I have more one-on-one time with Rhealen by default. And it isn't fair to Sidney, even if those are the circumstances that are, to an extent, out of my hand right now.

I put my arm around her, felt her chest rise and fall, and just stared at that perfect little round face - the same face I first looked at over four years ago. And I felt so guilty - guilty that she's here with me and I'm here with her. And that night, and every other night, there are children going to sleep without an arm around them. And there are women and men falling to sleep without babies to fill their own arms.

And I've never done anything in my life to deserve these girls.

Yet here they are, and they're mine. And I love them more than words can ever describe. I get so caught up in the everyday grind, the day in/day out of our lives that I miss so many little moments. I miss my own love for them, so much sometimes that it hits me all at once and I can't help but feel everything for them all at once. My heart is so full, it hurts. Literally, hurts.

I am so blessed, so lucky, so grateful, so in love. I hope they both feel that love when I can't give them more of me, most of me, all of me.

surviving the haircut

2012-01-25T09:56:00.000-05:00

Mother of god.

I hate taking Sidney to get her haircut. Hate it. Hate it so freaking bad, I swear to myself as we leave the salon that I'm never taking her back again. I usually tip the stylist extra because I'm so embarrassed and aggravated.

I do everything in the book to hype Sidney up about getting her haircut - we talk about how awesome it is, how much fun it'll be, what toy she can buy afterwards if she does a good job, etc etc etc. It doesn't matter. No matter how much I try to make this process enjoyable and rewarding, she still pitches the biggest fit you ever saw.

Snot. Tears. Hyperventilating. The works.

No amount of coddling will do, no amount of grit will do. I can be sweet. I can be mean. It doesn't matter to her, she still flies off the handle and goes crazy.

I know she looks all sweet and excited here, but this is before they even touched her. From the moment that brush touched her head, she was crying.

I can't figure out how to get through a successful haircut where she's not acting like the spawn of Satan. I know she's tender-headed and I know she hates to have her hair brushed, but DAMN! She's got to get her haircut, even if it's only two or three times a year. At least trimmed, if nothing else.

How am I supposed to get to that wonderful point? When will the day come where I'm not embarrassed to death to be seen in public with this screaming child at the salon? If she didn't have such lovely curls, I'd be tempted to cut it up to her ears and be done with it.

Next time she needs a haircut, I'm sending her Daddy to take her - maybe then he'll be the one to straighten her out. If not, I'm determined to just let her grow dreadlocks down to her knees before I go through that again.

Oy vey.

{PS Don't forget to enter the Blog Birthday Giveaway - you can enter once per day, every day, 'til Jan. 31st! GO HERE!}

Blog Birthday Giveaway!

2012-01-24T11:19:00.001-05:00

To celebrate three years of blogging, I've partnered with the always sweet C & M of windshield diaries - they're offering $30 to spend in their Etsy shop, CApow! specializing in map art, illustration and photography prints.

Here are some of my absolute favorites:

The Lovers The Dreamers and Me Custom 8x10 Art Print Poster $15.00

Chuck Taylor Converse Black and White 8x8 TtV photo print $30.00

love you virginia beach custom candy heart map art 5x5 ttv photo print $15.00

I Love Tennessee - 8x10 typography map art print $25.00

Be sure to check out the CAPow! etsy store - you can also find them on Twitter, Facebook and, of course, at their personal blog windshield diaries.

To enter and win, simply visit the CAPow! etsy store above and leave a comment here letting me know which print you'd choose if you won! It's that easy! The giveaway will run 'til January 31st, 2012 - I will announce the winner via random.org on February 1st!

You can enter once per day, open to all US residents only. Winner will be responsible for getting in contact with the sponsor to claim prize.

Good luck, and Happy Birthday, blog!

Happy Birthday, Blog!

2012-01-23T13:57:00.001-05:00

Today marks three years of blogging here at mommaruthsays for me -- and it's been an incredible three years, to say the least!

Below is part of a post I wrote for last year's blog anniversary:

By the time my third blog anniversary rolls around all of the following things should be true:

-I will have graduated (finally!) and have my Bachelor's in Human Services & Counseling.
-I will have a four-year-old and a seven-month-old.
-I will have been married to Justin for two years.
-I will have been with Justin for eight years.
-I will be twenty-three (I think, I always forget how old I really am).
-I will still be blissfully happy and hopelessly busy.

And I'm proud to say all of the above is blessedly true! I did graduate. I do have a four-year-old and a seven-month-old. I have been married to Justin for two years, with him for eight. I am twenty-three. And I am happy as ever and busy as always!

Thank you, so much, for all you out there still following along with me. To any new readers, welcome. I feel so lucky to have this space of mine. It's a constant reminder of the good and the bad and the wonderful journey in between.

{Be sure to come by tomorrow for a sweet little giveaway I'm having in honor of the blog birthday!}

music memory lane: 1994-99

2012-01-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

Talking about music before got me to thinking: there are times when I'm kind of ashamed to admit I grew up in the NSYNC/Britney Spears era. That was the rage in middle school, I remember being in love with it all - the cheese, the boy bands, the bubblegum pop.

But I also developed my love for other music outside of just pop music. I've always been an eclectic music lover. I have my awesome parents to thank for that; they introduced me to AC/DC, Meatloaf, The Eagles, KC and the Sunshine Band, Elton John, The Bangles, and an entire slew more of music legends. We listened to it all: rock, country, pop, you name it. They took me to concerts and gave me the freedom to explore music on my own. So, thanks Mom and Dad, for that. You rock.

While in the midst of my "growing up" back in the 90s and early 00s, I got the chance to listen to some amazing music, and I don't want you to think I'm a carbon copy 90s kid who never got to experience "real" music. Though if you ask me, it's all real. I love Van Morrison just as much as I love S Club 7. I love BBMak the same way I love the Beatles. I'm an equal opportunity music lover. But here, I'm listing some of favorite music (and music videos) from my childhood.

God bless VH1 - and please bring back the original Pop-Up videos!

1993 (I was five, by the way)
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Last Dance with Mary Jane

Ace of Base - All That She Wants, The Cranberries - Linger, Aerosmith - Crazy, Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do, Mariah Carey - Dreamlover, Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't do That), Melissa Ethridge - Come to My Window, Salt N Pepa - Whatta Man

1994
Green Day - When I Come Around, Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun, Live - All Over You, Hootie & the Blowfish - Hold My Hand, Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love to You, The Eagles - Hotel California

1995
Shania Twain - Any Man of Mine, Jewel - You Were Meant for Me, Collective Soul - The World I Know, Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It, Selena - Dreaming of You, Faith Hill - Someone Else's Dream, Lisa Loeb - Stay (I Missed You)

1996
Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back to Me Now

Hanson - MMMBop, The Verve Pipe - The Freshman, Backstreet Boys - I'll Never Break Your Heart, The Wallflowers - Headlight, Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart, LeAnn Rimes - One Way Ticket, Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People

1997
Spice Girls - Wannabe, Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy, Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply, Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life, Meredith Brooks - Bitch, Puff Daddy - I'll Be Missing You, Sugar Ray - Fly

1998
Dixie Chicks - You Were Mine, Train - Meet Virginia, Madonna - Ray of Light, NSYNC - I Want You Back, Terri Clark - You're Easy on the Eyes, Ace of Base - Cruel Summer, Kid Rock - Cowboy, Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon, Brandy - The Boy is Mine

1999
Britney Spears - Baby One More Time, TLC - Unpretty, Blackstreet - Take Me There, Ricky Martin - Livin La Vida Loca, Blink-182 - What's My Age Again?, Jennifer Lopez - If You Had My Love, Smashmouth - All Star, Edwin McCain - I Could Not Ask for More, Santana - Smooth

I love taking a look back through the years at music; there's a lot of memories up there for me. Love, loss, heartbreak, friends, summers, life being lived. I'm a huge music junkie, we could talk about music all day and I'd be happy!

Come back next time and we can reminisce about the 00s!

for the first time in my life, I felt my age and then some

2012-01-22T18:17:00.000-05:00

Saturday I took Sidney to see "Beauty & the Beast 3D" which led me to discover two startling truths:

1) 3D movies are the biggest ripoff of our time
2) Damn, I'm getting old.

I remember watching this same movie when it first came out, way back when I was a kid. Most of the time I feel pretty young for my age (which I have to think on and remember most of the time) and I enjoy the perks of being a young mom. It's been nice being in the younger bracket and I don't feel matronly, not that feeling matronly is a bad thing, it's just not a feeling I'm familiar with.

There have been several moments over the past year that have made me pause and think back on my own childhood; Sidney loves to play dress-up in all my old recital outfits, she loves to look through my yearbooks and see old pictures of me and Justin, and one of her teachers in Pre-K is a girl who graduated a year after I did. But there was just something about sitting there in the dark theater with my little lady that really hit me. I am the mom, she's the kid. I'm experiencing something my own mother experienced years ago. This is a moment in time repeating itself. And I just felt so motherly...and a little old.

I'm sure there are going to be more moments like this, where I look around at my life and realize where I am on my timeline. It's almost indescribable, but I hope to always see a smiling face like this one wherever I am in life.

hair be gone

2012-01-20T08:53:00.000-05:00

I'm notoriously impulsive. It drives my husband crazy; I get it directly from my mother, which needless to say, worries me about my own children.

I get a wild hair and then I just do something, without another or second thought.

Like say for instance, my hair. I cut it. I dye it. I don't think about it. 'Til it's all said and done with and then I second guess. But, ho ho, it's too late for second guessing then. This is the way I live. It's how I roll.

My bangs were totally annoying me, so I said - "time to get them cut!" And I did. And because my bangs needed to be cut, I needed to cut all of my hair off lest I be left with a mullet. Not a good look for me, I assure you.

So now this is the hairdo I'm working, and it feels pretty amazing. I just hope my bud Cassie doesn't mind I won't have much hair for her wedding in a few months. That's one of those second guesses I had after I had it all cut off.

But I know one person who'll love it, my dear old husband. Gotta love a man that loves short hair on the ladies. It makes my impulsiveness so much easier to deal with. Short hair, FTW!

come here, go there: link love

2012-01-19T10:06:00.000-05:00

Casey has a great post up about childbirth and the dreaded "N" word - I was moved.
I've mentioned Holly before, back when I featured honorable mention posts, and now I just have to send you to her site - she's the cutest little mama and baby #3 will be here any day!
I think the world is shocked to hear about Heather and Jon.
If only I could speak so eloquently about my girls the way Rebecca does about her twins - no one can touch her style of writing, no one.
I always leave Brittany's blog starving - she shares the best (and easiest and most down to earth) recipes!
Brandy needs some love - I miss her being happy and my heart is hurting for her.
Not only does Emma make delicious food, she's crafty, too! And I love her book reviews and suggestions.

can you hear me all the way back in 1995?

2012-01-18T09:46:00.000-05:00

I feel drunk, but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

{I was the ripe old age of seven when this song came out, but I can remember listening to it then and liking it. Now I listen to it and I love it. Story of my life right now brought into focus by a song from way back when, back when I was way too young to get it. Well, I get it now. Good god, do I ever get it.}

{Also, praise the Pandora gods - and who can I blame for not turning me on to this whole internet radio revolution earlier? I'm hooked. All the horribly wonderful bands from my youth are on constant demand: in the car, at home, at work. I've got stations dedicated to Westlife, Pearl Jam, Jewel, NSYNC, Tom Petty and more. It's unreal! Shame on you for not sharing with me before!}

lately

2012-01-17T10:24:00.001-05:00

It's hard to get a good picture of all the jumping happening here!

Happy sisters :)

My gal has style

McD's date

Quincy & Rhealen

My little model - the third picture down kills me!

Bundled up - it's been super chilly here!

Could she be any cuter? I think not.

Waiting on the big sister to do her bathroom business!

Every now and then we get a day warm enough to swing.

opposites attract

2012-01-12T11:36:00.000-05:00

To be sisters, there are times when they couldn't be more different.

Sidney is always on the go - she'd go home with just about anyone if it meant she didn't have to come home. She's the epitome of a social butterfly! She loves school, loves being around other kids and is at "home" wherever she goes. Sidney is very go, go, go.

Rhealen, on the other hand, likes to be in familiar places. You can see the instant relief that washes over her when she realizes she's at "home" in her house or in the arms of someone she knows and trusts. She's sweet to everyone, just like Sidney, but you can feel the nervousness about her when she's around strangers. Rhealen is very no, no, no.

Sidney is so very me. Rhealen is so very Justin.

They are little mirrors of us, separate and together, made of the pieces we gave them and the little sparks within themselves.

It's amazing to look at your children and see how much they are similar to you - and just how opposite they can be. Justin has a hard time understanding why Sidney always wants to be on the move; I have a hard time understanding why Rhealen can't just fall into the crowd wherever we go. Justin understands Rhealen exactly when she falls back on the couch, completely happy to be home. I understand Sidney exactly when she jumps at the chance to run around town for the day.

How did we have such different little ladies? I guess it just goes to show you, there are a million and one combinations for genetics to work with, and sometimes two kids can get pulled from opposite ends of the gene pool.

I love them both equally, though, my mover and shaker and my little home-maker.

new year commitments

2012-01-11T09:32:00.002-05:00

Look at me, January is already almost half gone and I'm just now getting around to posting my non-resolutions! Typical me.

I mentioned before that I don't make New Year's resolutions, but here is a little list of things I'm committed to doing more of this year (and hopefully every year hereafter).

#1 Read more books.
Since getting my Kindle Fire for Christmas, it's so much easier to tear through books late at night when the rest of my house is sleeping. I've finished the last book in The Hunger Games series, and I'm already browsing around for more series to start thereafter. I'm going to keep track of all the books I read over on my sidebar, just to help keep myself accountable!

#2 Travel more places.
Last year, what with having a new baby and all, I didn't get out of the house that much, especially during those wonderful summer months. This year, I'm committed to packing the kids up and hitting the road - even if it's just for a drive down to the lake for the weekend. Justin, me, the girls and our little pup Beau are going to see the sights this year (and take a real family vacation for the first time ever)!

#3 Eat more food.
I know, I know. Most people are making resolutions to drop the pounds and here I am talking about eating more! I could definitely stand to go on a diet myself, but this year I'm committed to being open to try more food - I should say more varieties of food. Growing up, I convinced myself that I didn't like certain things, and now I'm finding more often than not, I do like the things I told myself I didn't? Make sense? I had always turned my nose up at watermelon as a kid, but now I can eat half a watermelon in one sitting!

#4 Give more of myself.
I don't always have extra money in the bank to give to others, so I'm making a commitment to give more of my time. Volunteering is a great way to give back to the community, and I want to find outlets that I can use to help out those in need. My family has always been very good about donating items we no longer need or use to our local Christian ministry, but I want to find more ways to give back to my community this year.

#5 Give more forgiveness.
This year, I'm doing my best to let go of my grudges and past transgressions. I can hold onto hate and loathing for years, letting it rot me inside. I've got to let bygones be bygones and move forward. I spend so much energy into making sure I avoid certain people and feel a certain way towards them, it's exhausting. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference - and I'm choosing to let go of hate and accept indifference if forgiveness can't be found.

It's a simple, little list - but I'm promising myself I'll stick to it! What about you, do you make resolutions or commitments for the new year?

12 Movies to See in 2012

2012-01-10T15:29:00.001-05:00

In no particular order:

The Hobbit:

The Dark Knight Rises:

The Hunger Games:

Snow White and the Huntsman:

American Pie Reunion:

Men In Black 3:

The Avengers:

Wrath of the Titans:

Titanic 3D:

The Woman in Black:

21 Jump Street:

Brave:

It promises to be an epic year for movies and we're only in the midst of January! What movies did I miss? Anything you're dying to see?

My top three have to be American Pie Reunion, The Hunger Games and The Hobbit (which I know is my husband's #1 pick, he's been counting down to this movie's release for years now)!!

Book in Review: Mockingjay

2012-01-09T14:36:00.001-05:00

Yay, I'm officially done with The Hunger Games series. Finally, after what feels like a really long time (but was actually record breaking time for me to finish three whole books), I can happily say, "I'm done". And what a relief it is.

I feel like I held my breath throughout the entire book; it was this building anticipation up until the last few chapters that was part-fulfilling, part-letdown. Katniss ended up where I wanted her to with the boy I wanted her to be with. She lost loved ones along the way, some very near and dear to me, so I was sad to see some characters die. I have a similar feeling towards Mockingjay that I did towards Catching Fire.

Neither of these two books has beaten the feeling reading The Hunger Games gave me; the finale of Mockingjay was satisfying and yet I wanted more. It was B-, not the greatest. I was looking for that page-turning excitement from the first book and never found it. There were parts I nearly skipped over because they felt so drug out.

Mockingjay was another "good, not great" for me. I'm glad to be done with the series and still so very excited for the movie to come out. Now it's on to more books!

Any suggestions?

Right now I'm reading Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and then it's on to Water for Elephants and Alice in Deadland.

{7 months}

2012-01-09T10:22:00.000-05:00

On Friday our little lady hit her 7-month mark! How time flies when you're having fun!

At seven months, Rhealen is eating like a lumberjack (even though she just recently got two little teeth) and has a passion for crackers and biscuits. She sleeps from around 9-8 every night and takes two or three naps during the day. She is absolutely in love with her big sister and will bend over backwards to watch her every move - any time Sidney leaves the room, Rhealen will crawl out of your arms to try and see where she went!

She was only 14.5 lbs at her 6-month checkup, but I'd guess she's put on another two pounds since then. She's finally starting to get a little baby fat on her, which I adore. The chubbier the baby, the more there is to love!

Rhealen loves Beau to pieces, and the feeling is definitely mutual. She'll grab two fists full of his hair and try to eat him whole, but he just lays there licking her face. They share chew toys (gross!) and food and even take naps together - of course, I have to pry Beau off of sleeping right on top of her (not that she ever seems to notice or mind).

She's doing a lot of jibbering and jabbering, but no real words yet. She says something that sort of resembles "da-da" but hasn't quite got it down pat yet. She can giggle and laugh like no one's business, though! And she finds almost everything in life funny, which is the sweetest.

Rhealen has definitely made our lives 2000x times richer than it ever was before; there are moments when I see Rhealen and Sidney together and my heart just melts from my body. It's such a sweet little moment in time right now - both girls adore each other and love to be around one another. I know it's only a matter of time before the sister bickering begins, but I hope to hold onto these warm memories as long as I can.

I'm the luckiest momma in all the world!

Book in Review: Catching Fire

2012-01-05T14:08:00.003-05:00

I know, I know - wasn't it just last week I was rambling on and on about reading The Hunger Games. And here I am going to ramble on and on again about Catching Fire, the second book in the three-part series. But no, I'm not going to ramble. I'm going to get straight to the point.

Catching Fire felt like a bridge for me. The Hunger Games was amazing, epic, the best way to begin a series. Catching Fire, at this moment, feels like the bridge over the gap between the first book and the last. Was it as exciting as the first? No, not really. Was I as into it as I had hoped? No, not really. There were parts that were a letdown. But I'm glad to have read it because now I'm one step closer to finishing the final book. I had to read Catching Fire to get to Mockingjay. If there had been a cliff notes version lying around somewhere, I would've been just as satisfied to have read that instead of pouring through the entire book.

It was okay. The Hunger Games was a solid A+...Catching Fire only gets a C from me. It was needed, I'm sure - it definitely left me in total suspense, dying to start Mockingjay. But I could've read the last chapter and been done with it.

Maybe I'll feel different after I finish Mockingjay (hopefully by the end of the week) and I'll have warmer feelings towards this book. I just can't stand Katniss wish-washing over who she's really in love with: Peeta or Gale? I can't stand Peeta pouring his heart out for Katniss, laying his life on the line for her repeatedly, and all she can summon up is an, "Okay". I need her to love Peeta, and I know she will in this last book. She has to. There's no way she can choose gimpy Gale over perfect Peeta. No way in hell.

I'm rambling again, aren't I?

Okay, enough of that. Final word: Catching Fire was good, not great. And now I'm ready to start Mockingjay!

I couldn't resist...

2012-01-04T16:47:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help but (over) share these wonderful photos of my girls from my sister-in-law's wedding back in November -- it was a sweet day, made even sweeter by the sight of my girls dressed up so cute!

Sidney sure does love her Aunt Fanny & Uncle Matt and is counting down the days 'til they move closer to home -- California is just too far away!

All Photos by: Kstarnzy Photography

what it takes

2012-01-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

Admitting our flaws as parents is one of the hardest things to do, especially when we admit them in front of other parents - specifically, mothers. Since becoming a "Mom" over four years ago, I have witnessed the cruelty and quick-slip tongues of mothers jumping at the chance to rip on other mothers for their habits, their choices, and their lifestyles.

It's become second-nature to judge others, to highlight the wrong-doings of those around us - we rarely take the time to put all that attention and negative focus on ourselves. I have no problem shouting my flaws from the roof for the world to hear. They are what make me human, and without acknowledging that I am one heavily flawed individual, I can never grow, never learn and never move past this person I am, here in this moment.

I've yelled at my children, my six month old included. I have locked my daughter out of the bathroom while she fell into a pile of tears on the floor outside because I just needed a minute. I have lost my temper in public, threatened to spank my child all over a parking lot. I have wished for more time away from them, felt resentment towards them when I didn't get to do something I wanted to do. I have done just about everything wrong in the Parenting 101 handbook (that doesn't really exist, no matter how long you spend searching for it), and I have been Bad Mom of the Year several times over.

I am, at times, a bad parent. I openly and gladly accept and admit it.

Because accepting it and admitting to myself makes me a better parent. For as many bad and dark moments I have as a mother, I have a hundred more wonderful and good moments.

I love my children, tell them both daily over and over again just how much. I kiss them, hold their hands and run my fingers through their hair. I play games, roll around in the floor and hide under blankets 'til I'm out of breath and blue in the face. I kiss skinned knees, mop up puke in the middle of the night, rescue lost toys and give in more times than I refuse. I encourage imaginations and dreams, play pretend on a whim, listen to the same song in the car a hundred times over, teach recipes, explain a million questions and give so much more than I take.

I am, at times, a great parent.

Having dark moments does not define us as bad parents - the memories of bad parenting moments will haunt us forever, I'm sure. I still cringe recalling my bad moments, the feeling is just under the surface always ready to make me feel less than human. But the love that boils just underneath those bad feelings surpasses any fear or doubt I have about myself as a mother. I am a good mother - no one can take that away from me, regardless what they might say. I love my girls, and I know they know it.

I don't mind taking a good long look in the mirror sometimes - for them, it makes me a better person. For me, it makes me love them even more.

much needed overnight-vacation

2012-01-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

Before the new year, we spent time down in Newport with the family - Mom got us a great rate on hotel rooms and we were able to swim, take the kids bowling, pig out and just "chill". Mom's already got us ready to go back in March for an entire weekend full of cards, kids swimming and more hang time while we wait out winter. Justin and I were even able to sneak in a little trip down to Bass Pro Shops (hello, alligator bites and beer)! It was THE perfect way to say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012. (Thanks, Mom!)

Let's do it again, REAL soon.

2012

2012-01-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

It's the new year! How are you all planning to spend 2012? I'm kicking back, enjoying my family and being totally lazy...at least for today.

And every day I hope to be surrounded in love by these people. Happy New Year to all of you -- I don't really make resolutions, just little hopes to be better this year than the last. A better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better person overall.

Book in Review: The Hunger Games

2011-12-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

Over Christmas I was able to jump on all kinds of shiny, new bandwagons!

I got a Kindle Fire (thank you, Momma)! And I bought some books (thank you, Husband)! And I managed to read one of those books (thank you, babies that nap)!

First up: I jumped on The Hunger Games bandwagon and proceeded to tear through the first book like my life depended on it. One word conclusion: awesomesauce.

Have you read The Hunger Games? How long did it take you to finish the other two books, Catching Fire and Mockingjay? I went ahead and bought the other two books so I can finish them at my leisure (which I'm hoping will be this long four-day weekend). I was tempted to start Catching Fire last night, but I knew I'd stay up way too late reading and there'd be hell to pay today.

According to Amazon, The Hunger Games is summarized as so:

In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. Long ago the districts waged war on the Capitol and were defeated. As part of the surrender terms, each district agreed to send one boy and one girl to appear in an annual televised event called, "The Hunger Games," a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. The terrain, rules, and level of audience participation may change but one thing is constant: kill or be killed.

Things I liked about The Hunger Games:
-Nonstop, back and forth, good-old-fashioned suspense
-Love triangle
-Easy to relate to the heroine, who is from the Appalachian district that represents the coal mines
-The amazing way the author describes every single meal in the book
-Futuristic
-Easy to read and comprehend

I'm planning on starting Catching Fire tonight, and I'm sure I'll have you a quick recap then as well. I'm dying to know more about the relationship between Katniss and Peeta. What happens to Haymitch? I can't wait to read about that first meeting between Katniss and Gale! There are so many unanswered questions I have and scenarios to play out, what will happen next?!

Here's the trailer for the movie that opens March 23rd, 2012:

Side note: When I first heard Liam Hemsworth had been cast in this movie, I could've cared less. Then I read the book, and my heart cried, "No!" - he'll ruin the role of Peeta (my first worry was that they cast him as Peeta) and then the movie will be a dud and I'll be devastated. Luckily, he's playing Gale - which won't be such of a big deal in this movie, but if they make the next two books into movies, I have a feeling he'll have a much bigger part. I really hope he delivers, 'cause I have zero faith in the boy after watching that ghastly movie with Miley Cyrus.

So tell me, are you a fan of The Hunger Games series? Which one was your favorite? Will I be disappointed? How will it all end?!?!

Our Christmas

2011-12-27T11:04:00.000-05:00

Wow! Did Christmas fly by for you all the way it did for us? It was a three-day whirlwind of presents and food, family and friends, and all the good things that make life wonderful.

I think the girls are both in sensory overload after opening all their presents and seeing so many faces and sights. I can honestly say it's a hundred times better being an adult giving my children a special Christmas than it ever was being the kid receiving a special Christmas. My parents made the holidays wonderful, and I aim to keep on keeping on with my family.

Sidney was really into Santa this year; the cookies, the milk, the waking up early on Sunday morning. I know there's only a few more years left like this where she really believes. I'm savoring every sweet second of it!

All in all, it was an amazing Christmas - I couldn't have wished for a better holiday season. Next up: New Year's!

lately

2011-12-22T11:16:00.000-05:00

Beau accompanied me on a workday last week - he's my "other" baby!

Sidney was all about the karaoke at our Christmas party.

She's an expert present-opener nowadays!!

My darling girls at dinner - they both behaved so well!

I see so much of her Daddy in her sometimes, it's scary.

My sweet smiling baby - she's really started babbling this week!

My little cousin Samantha and I have the same fashion sense!

Sidney at her school Christmas dinner - she was so proud of her reindeer hat!

My girls at Gran's house...

The many sweet faces of Rhealen Jo - that top left picture kills me with cuteness!

Pajama day at school - Sidney's favorite!

Two funny ladies: Dobby & Rhealen

2011: Year in Review

2011-12-20T23:28:00.001-05:00

January:: I joined Gilt and obsessed over new gifts for the new baby!!

February:: We found out our little Nugget was, indeed, a GIRL!!

March:: I finally upgraded to a good phone, my HTC Incredible, and thus began my love for documenting life on the go with new filters and apps to play with!

April:: We went to the beach and I got the worst sunburn on my life; I then proceeded to follow skin-removal directions from a friend on Twitter. It didn't end so well.

May:: I was big and pregnant and eagerly awaiting the birth of our little lady -- there was such excitement in the air, I was buzzing!

June:: Our sweet baby girl, Rhealen Jo, was born on 06/06 weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz after an easy, breezy delivery - we've been living happily ever after since then!

July:: I spent the entire month blogging late in the dead of the night, trying to deal with my mess of emotions, and staring at this beauty every extra second of the day.

August:: We had a fun summer month going to the fair, having backyard barbeques and spending lots of time just hanging out enjoying the days before school started.

September:: Sidney settled into life as a Pre-K student, somehow managed to turn FOUR years old, Justin and I celebrated two years of marriage (and eight years of being together), and I ended the month turning 23!! It's always a jam-packed month for us :)

October:: The girls celebrated their first Halloween together (Sidney was a witch, Rhealen was a fuzzy baby) and I went with Sidney on her first official school "field trip" to the punkin' patch.

November:: My Papaw had a health scare but came through an amazing quadruple-bypass surgery, our favorite little man Quincy was born, I found the right words to express my emotions for Rhealen, Breaking Dawn: Part One finally made its way into theaters, and we had near perfect weather all month long.

December:: We brought home a new addition to our family, I created gift guides for Cassie and Dobby, and now we're just counting down the days 'til Christmas!!

It's been an amazing year, for sure!! I can only dream of what 2012 has in store for our little family!!

Now, I challenge you -- what does your 2011 year in review look like??

my best advice involves poop, sorry about that.

2011-12-20T13:05:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year for parties and get-togethers, meeting new people and old friends. And if you're anything like me, you can pretend to be the biggest extrovert of them all - but inside you're peeing your pants trying to keep up this brave facade.

I've discovered a new little trick for meeting new people, esepcially those I admire or find intimidating (which is everyone I've never met before). It's kind of a weird little trick and especially gross, but it helps me normalize the world and see other people down on my level.

I imagine them sitting on the toilet taking the biggest, messiest dump of their lives.

Nasty, I know. Too personal, I know. But if you imagine these people you fear or admire having a bad case of the runs, it somehow helps you to empathize with them and find some common ground. We've all been there, attached to the toilet seat, praying for mercy from the poop g-ds.

It's kind of like the age-old "imagine them in their underwear" trick, except sometimes that can back fire, I've found. When I'm meeting this gorgeous person and I imagine them in their underwear, I start to feel infinitely worse about myself. I start to imagine myself in my underwear standing beside them, tears rolling down their faces as they mock my lumps and rolls and four-year-old granny panties next to their rock-hard abs and VS lacy bits. Not exactly a confidence booster.

But if I imagine them crapping their guts out, it somehow levels the playing field...in my mind, at least.

So there you have it - the best holiday advice I can give you when meeting new faces in new places. Just imagine everyone sitting on the toilet taking giant dumps. It'll make the entire process so much more enjoyable!!

wherein I embarrass, confuse and amaze my daughter daily.

2011-12-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

Recent snippets of conversations with Sidney...

Sidney: Hey, Mom! Take my picture!

-----

Me: I do believe in fairies! I do! I do! (watching Peter Pan, of course...)
Sidney: I wish you would stop singing! I do! I do!
-----

Me: Do you like this shirt?
Sidney: It's for boys.
Me: What? It's a jersey, everyone can wear them.
Sidney: People will think I'm a boy!
Me: Here, put it on.
Sidney: No! I don't want to be a boy!
(I basically force it over her head....)
Me: Now, are you a boy?
Sidney: No. I'm a girl.
Me: Alright, then you're wearing the jersey.
Sidney: But it's blue!
(And so the gender fights continue...)
-----

Sidney: Mom, remember that time when you died? (referring to when I passed out last year)
Me: Yeah, I remember.
Sidney: Yeah, me too.
-----

(at the Christmas family party this weekend, which is always held at our church....)
Sidney: I want to sing karaoke.
Me: Okay, what do you want to sing?
Sidney: Forget You (be Cee-Lo)
Me: No, I don't think they have that one. Pick again.
Sidney: Hell on Heels (by The Pistol Annies)
Me: No, that's not really an appropriate song.
Sidney: What's appropriate mean?
Me: You shouldn't sing a song that has the word "hell" in it when you're at church. It's not nice.
Sidney: Oh. What can I sing?

-----

Sidney: Mom, can we have two more babies?
Me: No, I'm done having babies.
Sidney: But I want a boy!
Me: Then you'll have to have your own baby someday.
Sidney: Will I bleed?
Me: Umm....yes, maybe, I don't know?
Sidney: You still bleeding?
Me: Let's talk about something else....
-----

And so you can get a glimpse into the wild, imaginative brain that is my daughter:

for those of us with curves, lumps, rolls and muffin tops.

2011-12-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

(All links open in a new tab, for your viewing pleasure.)

The holidays always bring fancy parties and family get-togethers that require a certain amount of style. I have zero sense of style, but I like to put my best foot forward at least one day a year and do the whole girl thing and dress up...properly.

But being a big girl as I am, it can be hard to find options for shopping online or in stores. Luckily, more and more brands are expanding their lines to fit those of us with expanding waistlines F21 is one of my favorite stores for clothes and accessories on the cheap, especially now that almost every store has their plus-sized section included.

I've also been a huge (ha!) fan of Torrid for years now; I find a lot of their clothes are geared more towards teenagers, but they always have an amazing section of dresses, swimwear and shoes (especially boots with wider calf sizes than most retailers).

City Chic is another great site for dresses that are drool-worthy, but they also carry an amazing collection of clothes, lingerie and accessories.

Virtu is a great Australian shop that has flat-rate international shipping and "hassle free" returns; they have a huge (ha!) sale going on right now, and just looking at their breezy clothing makes me long for summer.

Asos is a one-stop shop for all of us out there doing our best to stay "on trend" without breaking the bank. Just make sure you are shopping on their US site and not the UK site! (And when I say "us", I mean "you" - this girl right here is never on trend)

Jessica Simpson has a collection that isn't specifically geared for those of us that are plus-sized, but a lot of her pieces mix and fit well for us curvy ladies. Also, the girl has damn good taste in shoes.

Domino Dollhouse is a great site with a little something for everyone; and extra bonus points for being budget friendly!

H&M houses a variety of styles and budget-points for all of us. I could spend hours just browsing through their site, drooling of course.

I'm sure there are a lot more sites and resources out there, these are just a few of the online stores I swear by. Being a big girl in a skinny world isn't always the easiest thing; but that doesn't mean we should settle for less-than-stellar clothes and shoes. I may not dress to the nines every day, but when I do feel like dolling up, it's nice to know there are retailers out there for girls like me.

Do you have any awesome sites you'd add to my list? I'm always looking for new sites to browse!

PS: Be sure to check out my favorite plus-sized fashion lady, Nicolette Mason. She's so sweet and I'd kill for her shoe and sunglasses collection!

the late shopper

2011-12-14T15:15:00.001-05:00

There's how many days 'til Christmas, and I just bought the first few presents today...online?

Procrastination by any other name would be Mary Ruth. Because that's just how I am. I keep thinking that'll change with time. I'll get older and my life will stop being one late assignment after another. I'll grow into doing things on time and not being so rushed for the rest of my days. But, no. It's not meant to be. I'm going to be late for my own funeral at this rate.

I like the hustle and the bustle this time of year, and I'm so proud of those of you that can get your shopping DONE by Dec. 1st. That just ain't my style, apparently.

I'm the one on Amazon praying they have last minute delivery and then watching for the UPS man like a maniac, hoping to have just a few minutes left to wrap up the gifts (or throw them in gift bags) before Christmas Eve. It's not that I don't love to shop for those I love. It's just that I love procrastinating even more.

Sorry, folks. I may have put a lot of though into what gift(s) I get you this year - but I definitely didn't put a lot of time in them. Doesn't make them any less awesome, though, right?

What about you? Are you a "get it all done on Black Friday so I can sit back and watch you lazy bones go crazy" kind of shopper - or are you a "wait on the delivery truck at midnight on Christmas Eve at WalMart to get the camcorder I want" kind of shopper?

Three Christmases ago, the latter was my dear husband. True story. I guess that's why I married him.

Christmas Gifts: For My Friend Who Can Sing in the Car With Me for Hours and Who Never Mixes Brown and Black in One Outfit

2011-12-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

Pretty Cupcake Kit - because she loves all things pretty and this might inspire her to bake for me!

Jumbo Cocktail Rings - because she loves all things gaudy just like me!

Red Peep-toe Heels - because she rocked the shit out of that Betty Boop Halloween costume way back when. And she likes that Kellie Pickler song, too.

Key to My Heart necklace - because she's getting married next year and is stuck on all that sweet stuff.

Carrie sunglasses - because we share a love of over-sized shades. And making fun of other girls in over-sized shades.

Mini Robot Vacuum - because she's OCD about cleaning and will never let you forget how her side of the dorm room was always spotless when your side looked like a tornado was living there.

I Like You by Amy Sedaris - because even though she'd never admit it, she's nervous about having her own home and entertaining new friends in KY. This'll make her the talk of the town.

Kate Spade 2012 calendar - because she needs to go ahead and make plans to come back home to VA to see me every weekend.

LOVE YOU, butch.

All gifts from HERE.

Christmas Gifts: For My Friend Who Has the Most Random Collection of Mixed CDs and Cries at Forehead Kisses

2011-12-12T16:20:00.000-05:00

Wacky Bandages - because you need more "mac n cheese" talks in your life!

Tinkerbell necklace - because she's twenty-four going on twelve forever.

Pet's Eye View Camera - because she loves her dogs like babies and would love to see the world through their eyes.

What's Your Poo Telling You? - because she's the only person out there that finds this shit interesting.

Cardboard Buck - because she lives to make her daddy proud but she'd never kill one in real life.

Desktop Pink Pong Kit - because it will remind her of "Forrest Gump" every day.

Condiment gun - because she'll have way too much fun squirting ketchup on everything with something like this!

Pasta Boobies - because even though she's a total hetero, girl can still appreciate a nice set of boobies.

LOVE YOU, best friend.

All gifts from HERE.

movers and shakers and those who aren't

2011-12-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

Weekends always seem to zoom by, don't they? No matter how much I tell myself, "this weekend I'm going to focus on the girls and do nothing else" - it always seems a million other things come up. Little things, big things. Things silly and things serious. We live in a permanent state of managed chaos. I've accepted this fact; Justin, not so much. Sidney thrives on the hustle and bustle; Rhealen, not so much.

It's amazing to see ourselves, side by side, and how we all react differently to the bumps in the road. Sidney is very much like me - she just goes with the flow, has no problems if plans get changed ten seconds after they were made. Justin and Rhealen very much like to be home, to be in familiar places with familiar faces. They don't like the boat to be rocked and they don't like their routine to be interrupted.

I foresee lots of "us vs. them" conversations down the road. I don't want it to be that way, but just like I couldn't change myself, I wouldn't dream of changing them. Justin and Rhealen can be the comfy little hermits at home. Sidney and I can be the explorers, the do-ers, the ones who like to be on the go.

I think that'll work just fine for us.

meet beau.

2011-12-09T17:13:00.001-05:00

Today we brought home a new addition to the family -- miniature Schnazuer, Beau. He's 12 weeks old and absolutely too adorable for words!

He's an early Christmas surprise for Sidney, who'll meet him this evening for the first time. I'm hoping to get it all on video so I can share it with you later. I hope she loves him; Rhealen already thinks he's the funniest thing to watch. Every time he whimpers or barks, she just collapses into a fit of giggles.

Part of me thinks we're absolutely crazy for bringing home a puppy right now. I've already panicked about sleepless nights and interrupted naps. But I know, in the long run, the girls will adore him. And he'll be out of the puppy stage as quickly as the rest of our babies grow. For now, we'll enjoy his little puppy naps and milk teeth and sweet puppy breath!

Welcome to the family, Beau!

{6 months}

2011-12-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday our little Rhealen Jo hit her six month mark. Half of a year. Before we know it, it'll be June and her first birthday will be upon us.

Ever since Sidney was born, time has seemed to zoom by at the speed of sound. Now that Rhealen is here, too, it's going by at the speed of light. I can't seem to hold onto the moments long enough. There aren't enough days in the week or weeks in the month to hold my girls - to play with them, laugh with them, cuddle with them, love them. I can't believe it's been six months since we were sitting in the hospital room staring at this blonde-haired beauty. It's been six whole months since the day she was born. Wow.

How do I get a grip on the clock? How do I slow it all down? I don't want to miss these moments. I don't want these days to slip by me unnoticed. I'm so grateful for my little ladies. To steal a cheesy line from an even cheesier song, they fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, ease my troubles that's what they do.

And they do.

sunny days

2011-12-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

What I wouldn't give to be on the beach right now, warm and sunny. It's still unseasonably warm here, thank goodness. But I know the cold is just around the corner - the wet and snow and ice and freezing cold will hit us all too soon. I love the changing seasons, and I'm grateful to live in a climate that has four distinct seasons, but winter is by far the worst for me. It's too depressing to think about.

So, for today, I'm going to remember the beach and the sun and all the light those summer days bring. We're barely into winter and I'm already dying for spring. It's going to be a long one, isn't it?

lately

2011-12-05T16:57:00.000-05:00

My girl helped me graduate!!! It was all for her :)

Night out with Poppa

RJ and I took a good nap on T-Day

Coolest baby EVER, right?

The many faces of Rhealen Jo

She gets girly-er and pretty-er by the second...

The sweetest smile

Just Married! :D

I tried to talk Sidney in eating RJ for T-Day; they were both against it.

That's what friends are for.

the perfect words.

2011-11-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means your heart's too big." -- Riding in Cars With Boys

I like to think that pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for nearly the last six months. I'm so grateful for the ability to look back on the past, even the recent past, and see how far I've come. It gives me hope to imagine how much farther I can go yet.

the weekend that flew by!

2011-11-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

Our Thanksgiving break was insane -- totally busy and buzzing, lots of food and family. The girls were kissed and cuddled to the point of exhaustion. I took maybe three photos of our three different Thanksgiving feasts -- I feel like such a lame duck. LeAnna and Matt's wedding was Saturday, which was amazing, but also very busy. Yesterday was full-on recovery mode, trying to clean up the house and get ready for this week. I've got graduation Wednesday night (yay) plus lots of little side jobs in the works. One major holiday down, one more to go before 2012.

Thank our lucky stars we made it this far.

giving thanks

2011-11-24T23:28:00.000-05:00

99.9% of the people in my Facebook stream have been doing the daily "Thankful" posts, but I thought I'd save some time (and energy and space) and list them all here monthly. Thirty things I'm thankful for, not only during this Thanksgiving month, but all the days and months and years of my life.

1. I'm thankful for my children, my beautiful daughters who came into this world healthy and prove to be happy individuals. I am doubly blessed without reason, and I could not be more in love with these two littles.
2. I'm thankful for my husband, Justin. He's my best friend in the world, and there's not a moment that goes by that I don't love him and wish the world for him. I don't know how we made it this far, but I can only hope for more.
3. I'm thankful for my parents. My mother is like the tide, constant and strong. She's unwavering, and she's taught me what it means to be a good mother in words and actions, year after year. I wish my Dad lived closer, sometimes, I feel like a piece of me is missing. He's always just a phone call away, and sometimes it's scary how much we have in common at any given point in our lives on any given topic.
4. I'm thankful for my health. I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it. Well, not exactly. But I am here and happy and prospering. Life is a short ride, and so far, I'm making the best of it.
5. I'm thankful for cheesecake. There can never be enough cheesecake in my life.
6. I'm thankful for this blog and the opportunities it has given me. I've broadened my horizons, even if only in this virtual world, and I'm a much better person for the experience.
7. I'm thankful for a job. Times are tough, and there are so many people out there struggling. Even as I'm graduating and heading out into a field I'm not familiar with, I'm thankful to have had a steady job for the past three years. It has allowed me to grow and contribute, and I couldn't ask for anything more.
8. I'm thankful for caller ID. Thank you, cell phone gods.
9. I'm thankful for our military. I'm so grateful my *new* brother-in-law is home safely (and hopefully for good); I can't imagine having loved ones still serving overseas.
10. I'm thankful for a healthy baby girl and a SUPER easy delivery this year.
11. I'm thankful for the health of my Papaw - he scared us good the last few weeks but is improving more and more each day.
12. I'm thankful for good books and bad movies. I can never get enough of either.
13. I'm thankful for a roof over my family's head. It may not be the biggest or fanciest roof, but it's warm and it shelters the ones I love the most. Who could ask for more?
14. I'm thankful for salt. I eat it on everything.
15. I'm thankful for early morning routines and family movie nights - creating traditions with my family is always a joy.
16. I'm thankful for the two best friends a girl could ever ask for: Cassie and Dobby. They complete me.
17. I'm thankful for calculators, spellcheck and caller ID. Greatest inventions ever.
18. I'm thankful for captions on TV; they remind me of watching TV with my Mamaw Edith and I love to watch TV with them on. Added bonus: it drives Justin crazy!
19. I'm thankful for my Mamaw Mary who is the best cook ever; she is always willing to make me dinner whenever I ask, whatever I want.
20. I'm thankful for a car to get me from point A to B. It's not the fanciest, but it's taken me on many joy rides over the last four years.
21. I'm thankful for forgiveness. I receive it more than I should and give it less than I ought to. But it's always there when I need it most.
22. I'm thankful for the years I got to spend with my Papaw Bud. I was lucky enough to have all four grand-parents living for most of my young life, and I never really appreciated them all until I got older. I'd give a day of my life to bring him back, but I know he's upstairs keeping a watchful eye on me every day.
23. I'm thankful for puppies and kittens and all the cute baby animals of the world. I've gone six months without a dog, by far the longest I've ever gone without owning one, and it's nearly killing me. I need a puppy in my life!
24. I'm thankful for card night and friends. It's the little things in life that mean the most sometimes!
25. I'm thankful for being able to appreciate the fact there are four living generations of women on my mother's side. Moments when we're all gathered together nearly melt my heart.
26. I'm thankful for that moment at the end of the day when you can finally take off your bra: best moment ever.
27. I'm thankful for lists - they force to you take stock of your life (just like this list is making me do)!
28. I'm thankful that I married a man who has the best sense of humor - every day with him is like being back in school.
29. I'm thankful to have grown up when I did - I have the best memories of listening to NYSNC on the radio, watching Titanic in the theater seven or eight times, playing the game MASH over and over again, and having the biggest crush on Taylor Hanson. Proud 90s child here!
30. I'm thankful for my life, for each morning I wake up to the smiling faces around me. I'm thankful for another year on Earth and for the gift of my life.

What are you thankful for this year?

now.

2011-11-22T11:09:00.001-05:00

It's hard for me to imagine there was a time, not so long ago, when I couldn't figure out my feelings for this little girl. There was a time when I felt kind of numb towards her, felt this guilt that I wasn't madly in love with her. She was just "there", and I just felt very indifferent towards her. It's embarrassing to say, but it's honest. I didn't have those familiar feelings I had when Sidney was born. I didn't feel that rush of love and that inseparable bond with her.

But now? Now?

Now there is nothing but this deep-rooted, endless love. Now, I feel like she's this extension of me, in some ways more so than Sidney. Sidney is my heart. Rhealen is my soul. With them, I'm complete. Rhealen is different than Sidney, in more ways than one, but mostly in her way of loving and being with others. Sidney is totally open to everyone, she never meets a stranger and would willingly go with and to anyone. Rhealen is more reserved; she has favorites and doesn't open to everyone the same way Sidney always has. She's attached to a small group of family members and prefers them over anyone else.

And above all? She prefers me. The feeling I get when she sees me and I see her and our eyes light up - it's indescribable. She gets the biggest gummy grin across her face, her legs go to wildly kicking and she squeals with pure delight. It's intoxicating. I had forgotten this. I've forgotten so much since Sidney was a baby, apparently.

I have no reservations now, no feelings of angst or guilt that I'm not feeling the way I should. I'm madly in love with both my daughters, each in their special little ways. My heart is full, there's not an ounce left over to give or receive. And I'm thankful for those weeks of doubt; if anything, they proved to me that we all mother differently. We all feel differently. There is no one right way of doing or feeling anything. I have gained so much compassion and understanding for mothers who go through PPD or any mother who isn't feeling the way she expected to or wanted to feel. I've been there, to some degree or another, and I came through. To the other mothers out there, you will get through it, too. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And there are also sweet babies, like mine, waiting for you.

four-eyes

2011-11-21T13:51:00.002-05:00

Kids should come with instructions. And warning labels. And 1-800 numbers to call when things go wrong.

"Hello, Operator? My kid just asked me if "Hell" is a bad word, what the hell do I say?"

One thing I love about Sidney's age is the element of surprise that happens during daily conversations. She has the cutest ability to catch me off guard with the things she can think of sometimes.

"Mom, I think the leaves are falling because they just got too heavy. The trees are tired."
"Mom, did you know apple juice makes you poop easy?"
"Mom, is it okay if I hit Sissy, real easy, when she kicks me? BUT you spank me!"
"Mom, can we get a sleep number bed?"
"Mom, you remember when I was a kid....."

She picks up everything, knows so much about so many things I didn't even realize she'd learned yet. She may act like she doesn't hear me a lot of the time, but she hears everything. She knows it all. I love this age she's at. I've always said two was one of my favorite ages, but four is proving to be just as fun.

Sure, she's got that wonderful four-year-old diva attitude. She can still throw a temper tantrum like no one's business. She's got sass and spunk and a smart-mouth for miles sometimes. But she's just so smart, so willing to learn and listen and get my opinion about the world. She wants to know what I think, how I feel about things. Honestly, it's kind of refreshing.

I'm very cautious to spout my opinions, although it's nice to be asked, because I want her to have her own. I want her to think and reason and figure out how she feels about things, even if she is only four. Don't discredit four year olds, they can have very deep rooted emotions about all kinds of things. Given the chance, they can blow your mind with profound insight and wit.

And, of course, they can remind you of the beauty of play. The simple things. Coloring. Dancing. Singing. Cooking. Dreaming. Kissing. To look at everyday tasks through the eyes of a four year old is to see beauty in everything. I love seeing the beauty of the world through this beauty.

I love her little four-year-old self.

the qualified review of Breaking Dawn: Part One by an unqualified reviewer

2011-11-19T23:04:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this now (Saturday night, 10:45) while the memory is fresh in my head. I've just gotten home from Kingsport, the girls asleep and my head filled with the fuzzy, warm memories of a good night at the movies. Save for our horrible experience at dinner, this evening was perfect. Me, six of my girlfriends and one feller who got roped in (sorry, Gerald!) all sat our butts down at 6:30 tonight to watch THE movie I've been waiting to see for over a year now...Breaking Dawn: Part One. Here is my unofficial official review.

Let me start by saying, I'm obviously a huge fan of this movie. I have several other posts here on the blog dedicated to all things Twilight. I knew what to expect of this movie. I knew what I wanted to see and could only hope the movie delivered.

The movie mostly delivered. Breaking Dawn, the book, was hard to read in my opinion. It felt like I was all over the place getting three different viewpoints on the same story, and I could barely keep up. Not easy or fun for me. The movie, thankfully, is still mostly from Bella's viewpoint, although I was glad to see Jacob's POV was fairly represented in the movie. For me, that was the best part of the book. I enjoyed seeing things through Jacob's viewfinder much better than through Bella's. In the scene where Jacob sees Rennesme for the first time, I could hear Jacob's words echoing in my mind about feeling the "cables" pulling at his heart. I, for one, was very glad to see the werewolf side of the story shown more in this movie than in others.

The big honeymoon scene everyone was just dying to see? Meh. It obviously would've been a thousand times better if they would've kept the "R" rating instead of "PG-13", but still that wouldn't have helped out a whole lot. It feels almost awkward to watch Bella & Edward "love" scenes now. It's almost like I know them too well, it's too personal - maybe it was because we were sitting in the very front row, but I just felt like I was their friend spying on them. It wasn't comfortable. That could also be due to Dobby's wonderful masturbating comments during the ocean scene (commenting on how Edward looked like he was "whacking off", not that Dobby was masturbating during the movie or anything - just to clarify).

I laughed a lot during the movie, Dobby cried a lot. I think Samantha was just mostly bored. Miranda kept having to speak the dialogue for Meghan who couldn't hear. I think Gerald was suprised by how much he didn't hate the movie. And Cassie was keeping bets on if/when Dobby would cry during the movie. Pretty typical stuff, I'd say.

The birthing scene was rough - like, so rough I couldn't watch most of it. Maybe it's the fact that I just gave birth myself less than six months ago, or maybe it's the fact that I couldn't stand to see Edward ripping through Bella's placenta with his mouth...there was just something off putting about the whole thing. I was glad to see the scene given it's due with gore, however, because the book explained it in great detail, too, from what I recall.

Also, mad props to whoever was in charge of special effects for Bella. Emaciated isn't even the word, girl looked like a walking corpse. They did an amazing job on that, I give them credit!

The scenery in this movie was gorgeous, especially the wedding scene. Dress was "meh" for me too, especially being Carolina Herrera (is that correct? someone check me) but the back of the dress was divine. Charlie was usual funny Charlie, his is a character that needs more screen time in my book.

The wolfpack was good as always, hot and tan and sexy and brooding. Like I said before, I was glad to see their side of the story shared more in this movie. Maybe it's just 'cause I've always been a Team Jacob girl, I just appreciate me some werewolves.

The dialogue in the movie kind of killed me - wasn't exactly what I'd expect from the second to last movie. You'd think they'd be able to hire the best of the best when it comes to screenwriters but damn if they don't keep choosing the most awkward and "hit or miss" writers ever. Some parts were spot on and others felt really uncomfortable (hello, wedding speech scene).

All in all, it was a good movie. Exactly what I've come to expect from this franchise with little to no suprises. I felt it was a true representation of the book for the most part, and I saw almost everything I wanted to see play out on screen just like I wanted to see it. The next movie will be all battle and angst and "will they make it or won't they?" even though we all know how it ends. Honestly, who hasn't read the books by now? Why do these Hollywood directors think they can make us worry about the fate of any of the characters WHEN WE ALREADY KNOW.

Unless they change the story from the book and then I predict Twilight fans will rebel and riot all across the world. Have you seen Breaking Dawn? What did you think?

today

2011-11-17T16:42:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day.

Despite the rainy, cold weather. Despite this cold that's kicking my butt. Despite the hot flashes and the long miles I drove today. Despite the lack of sleep I got. Despite the pounding in my head and the ringing in my ear. Despite the lack of money in the bank. Despite the feeling of falling behind and worrying too much. Despite the clock ticking by so slowly. Despite the pain I feel not being there physically for my family. Despite the dishes in the sink and the laundry piled up by the door. Despite the many more hours it'll be 'til I can sleep again. Despite the homework to be finished. Despite the craziness of it all.

Despite everything, today is a good day. I refuse to see today in any other light than good. I have been reminded what matters, reminded who matters the most to me. I am here, alive and well, if only for today.

Today is a good day.

heavy on my heart today

2011-11-16T10:19:00.001-05:00

This guy is on my heart and mind today, all day long.

{ED: Just heard from my Dad and Uncle Mike - Papaw made it through surgery perfectly. The surgeon was very pleased, only had to do four bypasses instead of the original five he had planned on. The next 24 hours are critical, but after that he can begin the process of recovery. Thank you, for all your kind thoughts and words! I am blessed!}

morning routine

2011-11-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

I, by default, am not a habitual person. I forget too much to keep a pattern going or establish a routine. Part forgetfulness, part laziness. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to own up to my laziness, which at times can be monumental. It's scary just how lazy I can be every now and then.

But the girls seem to have established their own little morning routine, whether I'm up for doing the same thing every morning or not. Rhealen gets up first, happy and squealing like she always is. Sidney wakes up just as I'm finishing changing Rhealen's diaper - I have to go into the bedroom and carry her to the couch.

{Seriously, I HAVE to do this. One morning she woke up earlier than normal, walked into the kitchen and demanded we go back into the bedroom so I could carry her to the couch - the couch that was about ten feet away from where she was standing. OCD, much?}

I turn on the cartoons, feed Rhealen and then they cuddle up together - it started out they would cuddle on the couch but now that Rhealen is getting more active, they sprawl out together in the floor. Toes wiggling, kissing and cuddling and whispering. Rhealen will pull Sidney's hair and Sidney will roll over on Rhealen's legs. There's whimpers and whines from time to time, but mostly, I get to enjoy the sound of my girls playing while getting dressed.

It's amazing to see the little routines they're developing, the secret society of sisters that I can only appreciate from a distance. I'm not invited into their secret little world. I wonder all the time what Rhealen thinks of Sidney and vice versa. If their mornings are any indication, I think it's safe to say these girls absolutely adore each other to bits.

{scenes from the weekend}

2011-11-14T09:33:00.000-05:00

The girls had Veteran's Day pride on Friday...

...and Sidney had pink-eye

...and Rhealen had fun with tummy time Sunday night!

lately

2011-11-09T10:33:00.000-05:00

Quincy was finally born Monday -- he's outnumbered, poor guy, but we love him!

My little diva

I81 look amazing yesterday -- makes me forget it's freaking November already.

The girls got a surprise package from California! Sid liked the box almost as much as the contents...

If only there was a certain security guard around to catch me being such a Billy Badass.

I love this wiener.

I might have a slight addiction to these things from B&BW

Obviously I have a thing about taking pictures while I drive...

BEST! SHOES! EVER!

Okay, I'm starting to think 99% of my pictures are taken while I'm in the car. Is there a support group out there for this kind of thing?

{these days...}

2011-11-08T14:43:00.001-05:00

I have tons on my mind right now. Endless possibilities to a million different questions and decisions bobbling around right now.

I've only got one more weekend of classes and one night class next week, and I'll be (mostly) graduated. It feels like only yesterday I was starting this Bachelor's program and now I'm almost done. Wow.

My heart is in Tennessee with my Papaw, just waiting to hear more from him. I want so bad to be there, but it's just not possible with all that's going on at home right now.

Justin and I have some big decisions to make in the next week or two. Decisions about our family, about what we want for our family. Being an adult sucks sometimes.

I'm heading to the doctor Thursday to close up shop on this baby-making business. One decision that wasn't hard for me and Justin was to accept (gladly) we were done with babies. Sidney and Rhealen are all we're ever going to want or need. The "muffin shop" is officially closing...I hope you girls like each other, 'cause there'll be no more brothers or sisters to choose from!

Of course, there's a hundred more mundane things to boil and toil over these days, but this isn't a blog of whine and whatnot. This is my happy space, and I'm doing my best to keep it so.

Speaking of the blog, how do you like the new header? That amazingly talented Jess from IROCKSOWHAT is truly a design-genius. She captured what I wanted so easily, the entire process was smooth and wonderful and insanely affordable. If you're looking for some blog-love, go see Jess, she's the guru.

Expect more of the same nonsensical nonsense. I'm walking around like Pigpen right now with a cloud of confusion keeping me company. Yee-haw.

{ED: Apparently, I like to say "right now" a lot, right now. What's up with that?}

{my papaw}

2011-11-07T16:07:00.000-05:00

2007

I just found out that my Papaw Sid will have to have bypass surgery next week -- I can't imagine this man weak or in pain. I can't imagine him slowing down or taking it easy. He's a rock to me, and I've seen our relationship blossom into something beyond words over the last few years. He means the world to me...so much, obviously, that I named my firstborn for him.

I love this man, and even though I'm not usually one for the power of prayer, I ask that you pray for him. Send him love or a good thought. Whatever you feel comfortable with -- just surround him in peace and light and hopefully this'll be a distant bad memory soon enough.

I wish I could be there with him and my Mamaw. I want so bad to be there holding their hands and helping them through this. All I can do, for now, is send them my love and ask you to do the same.

{5 months}

2011-11-06T07:39:00.000-05:00

This time last year we were just finding out that baby #2 was indeed a girl - and now, a year later, we've got a five month old Rhealen Jo sitting here. This little lady is growing (slowly) like a weed; she's on the small ends of the charts, but that's okay. She'll catch up and level out eventually. For now, she's just petite!

Rhealen loves to pull hair, scream at the top of her lungs (just for fun), chew on her toes, sit up and look around, stare at her big sister, hang out in her swing and ride in the car, just staring out the window. She's definitely a lover of those she knows well, but she can be a little nervous around other people.

I love watching Sidney & Rhealen together - there's nothing in the world quite like it. Rhealen absolute adores Sidney; if Sidney's in the room, everyone else disappears to her. Sidney loves being the "big sister" and will remind RJ of that fact 100 times a day. That works out okay right now, but I have a feeling it'll be the start of many fights later on down the road...

At her four month check-up she was 12 lbs and 10 oz, so I'm excited to see how much weight she's gained in a month. She keeps getting longer and longer (24.5 inches at four months) but she still feels light as a feather. Sidney was always an over-achiever and in the 99% percentile for everything; poor Rhealen is only in the 10% percentile! It's amazing how kids can be so different...

Other than some breathing problems, Rhealen is perfectly healthy. They're thinking she might have asthma, and she's been on breathing treatments, but things seem to be getting better for her...so I'll update on that when I can.

Rhealen is a great baby, a much loved and needed addition to our family. We couldn't have asked for a better little girl; we laugh about it now, about how we were so panicked Rhealen would be a monster baby since Sidney was such an easy little angel. She may turn out to be a wild child later on, but for now she's the sweetest little dumpling anyone could hope for.

Our family feels complete with her here. There were questions in my mind before about whether or not we were done, whether or not I wanted more kids; but those questions are answered now. I'm perfectly happy with my girls. My two sweet, beautiful girls. I can't imagine adding a third in the mix; it all feels perfectly perfect right now, just the two of them.

They can make it if they try.

lately

2011-11-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

RJ & Jake -- they're only two weeks apart but about 10 lbs difference!

punkins!!

I love my co-workers...they bring me treats!

Sidney posing - she's ready for ANTM

Rhealen likes Sidney's hair....

Babies always wake up early the morning after you get a little tipsy...

....or a lot tipsy

{happy halloween}

2011-10-31T11:21:00.000-04:00

Halloween's to-do list:

1.) Dress up

2.) Trick-or-treat

3.) LOTSA candy

4.) Hocus Pocus & porcorn

5.) Full bellies and warm toes

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Y'ALL.

let's get spooky

2011-10-28T12:15:00.000-04:00

It's Halloween weekend, bitches. Get your freak on.

to the punkin' patch

2011-10-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

Monday, Sidney and I went to the Punkin' Patch with her PreK class; it was our first official "field trip" and I can now proudly say, "damn! I feel old."

I'm the mom on the field trips now -- the one responsible for packing snacks and holding hands and keeping up with busy little bodies. Time is zooming by at warp speed, and suddenly, it's my kid on the school bus and my kid taking trips with friends. Wow...

We had a blast, rounded up some great pumpkins (at even greater prices!) and did it all without any meltdowns or blowups.

Sidney is at the best age right now -- she loves everything and has such appreciation for the most simple of treats. There's no need for fancy or flashy, as long as it's fun. I can't wait 'til RJ gets to this age. Babies are fun and toddlers are great, but there's just something magical about a school-aged kid.

Magical, I tell ya.

fall.

2011-10-26T10:12:00.000-04:00

I'm loving this weather right now...it's amazing to be so close to November and still have days that reach 70+ degrees. The leaves are amazing right now, it's crystal clear to me why I love this time of year so much.

It's also slightly depressing because I know in just a few more weeks there's a chance I'll be looking at something like this:

I've already had an anxiety attack (or three) about winter and the lack of sunshine. Every year I get a little more and more nervous as winter approaches. I've been doing my best to soak up every second of these warm, sunny days - but I know that familiar creeping feeling headed my way. There will be times when I leave the house when it's still dark and come home after the sun's already gone back down. There will be days when I feel the sun only for minutes instead of hours. This I know.

But for now, I'm loving the warmer temperatures and the sunshine and this gorgeous time of year. I'm so thankful to live in a climate that experiences four distinct seasons - it's comforting to know that after the cruel winter there'll be a wet spring and a hot summer. And my favorite time of year, a breezy fall.

lovey

2011-10-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

I don't think my girls could love each other any more than they already do -- and I know I couldn't be more proud. What did I do to deserve such beauty in my life?

different, but the same

2011-10-20T12:46:00.000-04:00

(Four Months: Sidney '08 & Rhealen '11)

How can two little girls be so similar and yet so drastically different?

I can only imagine how much they'll grow, together and apart, over the years.

{bloglove}

2011-10-19T16:09:00.000-04:00

I've said it before on here, but it bears repeating again: I love the power of connection the world wide web has provided us with.

I love that I am able to relate to so many people in so many cities, states and countries around the world. I've found such a humbling peace to see mirrors of myself in other women (and men) out there. I have this undeniable sense that I'm not alone, that the things I'm going through are unique to me, yes, but not unique to the problems so many of us face. I am reminded daily that I'm one of billions, and yet I couldn't feel more at peace with the knowledge.

So many people out there have blogs or are starting blogs these days; it's such a popular thing to do, I think some people look at is as a "passing fad" and brush it off as useless or a waste of time. To me, blogging feels incredibly natural. Sometimes I find myself running out of material - when that happens, I turn to my heart and my head. What am I feeling today? What am I thinking about? It can be very deep and emotional things or pure fluff. And that's the beauty of it.

I'm grateful for my blog. It keeps me sane and helps to remind me of all the little moments I forget about from time to time. We're constantly told as children to write our own stories, be the master of our own destinies. What better way to document our journey than with a blog? It offers an open platform to reach the masses, the opportunity to connect with corners of the world never reachable before, and it allows us to self-reflect and grow.

Blogs may seem like pure egotistical nonsense, but they are so much more than that. They are windows to the world. They give a voice to every face in the crowd. They are instant memory-keepers and online diaries. Who could ever put down such a powerful thing?

Be proud of your blog. Be proud of what you say and how you share yourself. Don't let the masses bring you down. Instead, reach out to them and open your hearts to the millions of stories being shared online every day. Don't get in a rut of only visiting the same blogs over and over again; get out there and explore this massive online universe.

And don't be afraid to tell your story. No one will ever know the thoughts in your head, the emotions you feel if you don't share them. Love your blog, protect and support yourself, and keep your chin up. We're all in this together, as evidenced by all the millions of blogs out there. I, for one, applaud all of you for being so bold. I hope to share with you in your journey for years to come.

You can rest assured, I'll be right here at home, sharing mine.

{I pledge allegiance to this blog...}

{very smart dude}

2011-10-18T10:14:00.000-04:00

“My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.”

-Tom Waits

{Dear Sidney}

2011-10-17T10:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Sidney,

You were so excited the day you became a big sister. In actuality, you became excited the moment you found out you were going to be a big sister. On the very day we told you, you came home with an "It's a Boy!" balloon from the store, before you ever even knew what was going on. You weren't right about having a little brother, but I think you're more than okay with that. You adore your little sister, beyond words. I could never begin to sum up the way your eyes shine when she smiles at you. The very sight of the two of you together melts me completely.

About one week after we came home from the hospital, I sat in the recliner looking at my girls - you asleep on the couch and your sister asleep in her bouncy chair. Van Morrison's "These Are the Days" was playing through the laptop and your Daddy was getting the house ready for bed. I looked over at you both and felt this explosion of love. Nine months of uneasy emotions and nervous thoughts flew from my soul, and there we all were - home, happy and healthy, together. That memory is so soft in my mind, yet it holds such strong feelings. I'm so lucky to be here among you girls, so blessed to witness your love for one another. I never had a sister, so I'm only guessing at the feelings you share. From where I sit, the view is beautiful and the love palpable.

I was worried about you before, nervous as to how you'd do adjusting to sharing the limelight. You were the only grandchild for so long, I didn't know how you'd feel about giving that title up. Now, I see all my worry was for nothing. You've embraced sisterhood with glory and grace. There's not a day that goes by that I don't look at you and think, "you're amazing" my child. You are amazing.

I want to thank you for being such a wonderful sister. Thank you for loving me and loving Rhealen and keeping this family intact and wholesome. You are pure joy, bottled up with blue eyes and curly brown hair. You were a surprise to us, just like Rhealen was, but we couldn't have asked for better girls. As you get older, you and your sister may fight. You may forget about the bonds you have and the simple, sweet love you share right now. There may come a time when you tell each other, "I hate you."

But please don't forget this moment in your life. Don't forget what it was like to do everything in your power to make your sister smile. Don't forget all the cuddles you shared in the mornings before school. Don't forget that moment when you first saw her, and your smile was so wide it barely fit in the room. Promise me, you won't forget.

And know I'll never forget a second of the day you became a big sister, and I became the luckiest lady in the whole world.

I love you, my dear Sidney Morgan.

Momma

let's get freaky

2011-10-14T05:00:00.000-04:00

It's Friday, bitches.

{for Justin, for Sidney}

2011-10-13T10:51:00.000-04:00

{50 Rules for Dads of Daughters}

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.

13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.

{I love you both, more than words...}

**Found this list via Pinterest

Sidney Morgan 4.1

2011-10-12T10:28:00.000-04:00

Sidney is amazing, amazing beyond words. But I'll try.
She is my light, my eldest, my beautiful girl. Sometimes her imagination blows my mind away, and it's hard to keep up with her. She's soaking up the world around her at lightning speed. She loves books, and even though she can't technically read, she's memorized every word of her favorite books. And then sometimes, she just makes up the words as she goes.

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mock-polaroid

2011-10-11T10:01:00.001-04:00

I'm slightly obsessed with "Polaroid" applications on my phone -- I use them all the time and honestly, can't get enough of them. It's amazing we pay so much for phones to make our photos look so "vintage" -- oh, the irony! I've been scouring the internet looking for 600 film for my Polaroid. I want to get some real photos in my hands and start a little collection of my own, especially of the girls.

For now my phone applications will do. My two favorites are the Roidizer app and the Polaroid setting under the LittlePhoto app (both for the Droid) -- check 'em out if you've got a Droid!

PS: Don't you think my car looks like Shrek?

{4 months}

2011-10-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

Rhealen could not be a sweeter girl. She wakes up smiling from ear to ear, she's always cooing and smiling and just this Saturday I heard her full-on giggle for the first time. We were sitting outside, just enjoying the sunshine and she broke into a little fit of giggles. It was THE sweetest sound.

It's hard to believe she's already four months old. Justin and I talk about the possibility of more kids, and right now especially, we're still kind of up in the air about the whole idea. When Rhealen hits these amazing little milestones, I always hear a little voice in the back of my head asking, "is this the last first time....?" I'm not sure yet, but watching her change over the last four months has been so amazing, I can only hope to do this at least one more time.

She's perfect. We couldn't have dreamed up a better baby and a better addition to our little family.

one day old

four months old

oh snap!

2011-10-05T16:30:00.000-04:00

{Stolen from a good buddy on Facebook, too funny and hopefully eye-opening not to share! LOVE IS LOVE, people!}

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 {Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination}, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

"Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 {Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.} states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7 {And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.} In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. {“‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean.Whoever touches her bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.Whoever touches anything she sits on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, he will be unclean till evening. If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean."} The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. {But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.} The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 {Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.} clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10 {And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:}, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 {Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;} states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. {Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.} How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 {The rabbit, though it chews the cud, does not have a split hoof; it is unclean for you. And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.} that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 {Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.} by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. {Now the son of an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father went out among the Israelites, and a fight broke out in the camp between him and an Israelite. The son of the Israelite woman blasphemed the Name with a curse; so they brought him to Moses. (His mother’s name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri the Danite.) They put him in custody until the will of the LORD should be made clear to them.Then the LORD said to Moses: “Take the blasphemer outside the camp. All those who heard him are to lay their hands on his head, and the entire assembly is to stone him. Say to the Israelites: ‘If anyone curses his God, he will be held responsible; anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death.} Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) {And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.}

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."

Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia.

{PS I think this is hilarious and true and a very informative way to tackle this highly sensitive subject. People try to interpret the bible as "black and white" when dealing with homosexuality, but it seems many other parts are left open for more modern interpretations. I think it's time those people using the bible as a pegleg to stand on in regards to this issue took another look. Find a different reason to be opposed to homosexuality if you wish, but don't bother using the good book as your crutch anymore with me. I won't hear it - not that I ever really heard it before.}

{PPS I used the King James interpretation when I could...because my Jesus talks with an Olde English accent and flies the colors of his true lady MM from his walking stick, just like any good knight would Word!}

{PPPS I'm doubly proud the man who wrote this letter is from VA!}

lately

2011-10-04T11:04:00.001-04:00

Sleepy girl always misses out during cheerleading practice!

There's something so surreal about seeing her name printed on things...

Lovely evenings.

Work fun!!

RJ looks 20x cooler than I do in my own sunglasses

My little city lights

The drive home from school

very smart lady

2011-10-03T09:52:00.001-04:00

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go and write it down, and either you over dramatize it or your underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”- Sylvia Plath

still just me

2011-09-29T22:28:00.000-04:00

I guess now that I'm 23, I'm supposed to be another year older and another year wiser...but mostly, I'm just another year of being me. Still trying to figure out whether I'm a bid kid or little adult. Most days I feel like a good mix of the two, thankfully. I'm just grateful for all those who made yesterday special for me. Birthdays are always wonderful when you have such awesome friends and family like I do. I'm really looking forward to Saturday: a great cookout, cupcakes, time with my our girls and a bonfire to seal the deal!

{23}

2011-09-28T14:29:00.002-04:00

bathtime

2011-09-27T09:46:00.001-04:00

Sometimes the most mundane tasks can be the most magical moments.

{FQF: Feat. Just Add Glitter & Stir}

2011-09-26T11:39:00.002-04:00

ED: Sorry for the FQF delay - apparently, me and my blog editor don't always see eye to eye on things! I say "schedule post" and he says "bite me, woman" - what's a girl to do?

Another Friday, another FQF post! Here is the lovely Maggi from Just Add Glitter & Stir - Maggi and I have a lot in common and I love to read her blog. Seeing her girls always reminds me of my girls, so it's impossible not to love her! She's insanely crafty and has this immense light of love surrounding her. Make sure you swing by her blog, Just Add Glitter & Stir, and tell her I sent you!

Take it away, Maggi!

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{What has been your favorite moment of 2011 so far?}
Definitely the birth of my second daughter, Zippy in May. I was worried since her big sister took her time getting here but Zippy earned her nickname for a reason! lol She's been a joy to us and her big sister Toot adores her. That's my favorite moment of 2011 so far...that and Starbucks bringing back their pumpkin spice latte...

{Name your biggest pet peeve.}
Other drivers...they "drive" me nuts. harhar Seriously, use your signal, turn right in less than 5 minutes and get out of my way...I of course, am a perfect driver. :P

{What holiday is your favorite? Least favorite?}
My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I cook dinner over at my house, been doing it for years now. I love having everyone come over, relax, be with each other and eat until we're sick. lol There's just something about Thanksgiving that gets me. Christmas is definitely a close second however. I don't really have a least favorite holiday. Holidays are so fun, you always have something to look forward to! But if I have to choose, I guess I'll say Arbor Day. What have trees ever done for me, I ask you? :P

{Do you believe in ghosts?}
If by "ghosts" you mean like Ebenezer Scrooge then...no. If you mean "ghosts" like Casper the Friendly then...no. But if you mean "ghosts" as in "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" then...yes.

{Name five living people (famous or not) you would like to meet.}
Hmmmm...I've met so many awesome bloggers online, I would love to meet them all in person one day!
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Thank you, Maggi! Be sure to check out Maggi at her site, Just Add Glitter & Stir

officially unofficially not very but oh so close to being cool

2011-09-22T21:04:00.000-04:00

My awesome husband got me the most awesome anniversary present ever Sunday. I have a slight obsession with sunglasses, especially Wayfarer-esque sunglasses. I have about a dozen or more knock-off pairs. But my baby? My man? He got the real deal.

Rayban Wayfarers. And if that wasn't awesome enough? He got me the fold-up kind.

I devote myself to ~~them~~ him.

I'm feeling very Tom Cruise - Risky Business meets Don Henley - Boys of Summer, all kinds of glorious awesome cool up in here. Thank you, dear husband!

Breaking It Down: Hold My Hand

2011-09-21T21:55:00.000-04:00

With a little love and some tenderness

Okay we're off to a good start here, although I'd prefer a lot of love and more tenderness.

We'll walk upon the water, we'll rise above the mess

Wait, you mean like Jesus? Cool, I'm down with that. I'd rather walk above this mess than clean it any day.

With a little peace and some harmony

This is feeling very religious right about now. Are you preaching to me?

We'll take the world together, we'll take them by the hand

Who are we taking by the hand? I thought this was just supposed to be me and you. I'm not down for more than some one-on-one action.

'Cause I've got a hand for you

Well now I'm wondering what it is exactly you want me to do with that hand.

'Cause I wanna run with you

Now where are we going? All of this world travel is making me very tired. Making me tired isn't going to inspire me to do anything with that hand of yours.

Yesterday, I saw you standing there.

Okay, creeper. Do you do this sort of thing often?

Your head was down, your eyes were red, no comb had touched your hair

Well, excuse me, asshole. It's called a hangover. I had just woken up and had to be at McDonald's in ten minutes or else I'd never get my Egg McMuffin and this bitch can't live without her morning McMuffin. Next time, I'll remember your creeping eyes are watching me and I'll brush my hair, okay?

I said, "Get up and let me see you smile"

Again, there's no need for to be so damn pushy. I'm waiting on my McMuffin and I'll get up when I feel like it.

"We'll take a walk together, walk the road awhile"

The last thing I want to do right now is go for a walk around the world with you and your hand. Didn't you hear me? I'm hungover as hell right now.

'Cause I've got a hand for you

Listen mister, you can take your hand and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Wait, hold that thought-

'Cause I wanna run with you

I'm not running anywhere, dude. I'm fat and hungry and too tired to think at this point.

Won't you let me run with you?

Hell to the no.

Hold my hand.

.....

Hold my hand

Just because you keep asking, doesn't mean I'm going to say yes

Hold my hand

Okay, if I hold your hand will you shut the hell up?

See I was wasted and I was wasting time

Why didn't you tell me you were wasted, too? We could've saved a lot of time with the stupid conversation if you'd admitted it up front.

'Til I thought about your problems, I thought about your crimes

What crimes? The only problem I have right now is your stalking ass getting in between me and my Egg McMuffin

Then I stood up and then I screamed aloud

Great, now everyone is looking.

"I don't want be part of your problems, don't want to be part of your crowd"

Back off, mister, you're the one who came here begging to hold my hand and shit.

'Cause I've got a hand for you

And I'm about to slap you across the mouth with my left hand, bro

'Cause I want to run with you

I'm about to run over you if you don't leave me the hell alone

Hold my hand

No

Hold my hand

Eat me

Hold my hand

Really, dude?

I want to love you the best that, the best that I can

I think you might be bi-polar. Maybe I should take you to the doctor or something. Wait, here's my Egg McMuffin. I think I'll just leave now, if that's okay with you.

Hold my hand

Dear mother of g-d, go away.

Hold my hand

I'm leaving now.

{Hootie & the Blowfish -- Hold My Hand}

{5 blogging tips from a non-expert}

2011-09-21T11:16:00.001-04:00

You would think that as I approach the 3-year anniversary of this blog, I would have things all figured out by now. But you'd be wrong. You'd be so incredibly wrong.

Blogging is an evolutionary process, one that can be hard to figure out sometimes. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a pro or that I've even managed to work out all the kinks of blogging. But I feel really confident in saying I've learned A LOT. And I feel it's my blogging duty to share what I've learned with the class. So pay attention, kiddies.

#1 - Your blog should be 100% you.
What I mean is this: when people read your blog, are they reading about the real you or the "you" you want them to see? Are you a genuine blogger? Are you honest? Are you real? This is not my endorsement to be an open book 24/7 with your blog; I'm merely saying, be yourself. If you want people to really relate and connect with you, you have to open enough to let others in. Don't hide the pictures you think aren't perfectly perfect. Don't not tell the embarassing story about farting during dinner (or worse, sex, gasp!) Don't lie about who you are and what you believe in. Dr. Suess said, "Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is youer than you" - LIVE IT.

#2 - Read your words before you hit "publish".
This is a big problem I have with blogging. I'm such an instant gratification kind of person, it kills me to write a blog post, read back over it, edit it and then publish it. I write at the speed of lightening and hit publish before I can blink. Then a few weeks or months later when I'm mulling over old posts I start noticing a million typos or sentences that don't make sense. Read your blog to yourself after you write it (or as you write it, as I've started to do recently) - take the time to edit your posts and make sure what you're trying to say is coming across loud and clear. So much is open for interpretation when we deal with black and white text; the things we mean don't always come out the way we mean for them to. Be a little blog editor and make sure the quality of your writing is in the details, too.

#3 - Get out there and network!
I've said it a hundred times before and I'll say it again. Social networking is all about the actual "networking". You can't expect people to follow your blog and feel inclined to comment if you aren't out there doing the exact same thing. I encourage you to go through your blogroll, delete the blogs that are stale to you or that you don't feel connected to anymore, and get out there to find some new blogs. A really great way to get linked up with other bloggers (in my opinion) is to check out the sponsors on your favorite blog (it doesn't have to be a popular blogger, a lot of really great but not-so-well-known bloggers have sponsors, too!) A lot of times, these are people who really care about their blogs (they care enough to pay for an ad for people to see) and they have really great blogs in the making. Search your friends on Twitter, go through your followers list and read about their lives, DO THE LEG WORK! It makes this entire process that much more enjoyable.

#4 - Post pictures and keep posts to the point.
This is my opinion, again, so if you disagree - it's all good. I think pictures make a post 10x better. Maybe it's because I'm such a visual learner, but I love to read a story and have pictures to go along with that. Some people feel uncomfortable posting their life photos online, and I completely understand. There are some really cute pictures of my girls that I would love to share with the world, but because there are total creeps out there I refuse to show my little naked babies (although every once in awhile a picture is just too cute not to share!) If you have a photo to include in your post, I say go for it! Or find one that ties into your post from Flickr or WeHeartIt or Pinterest. Spice up the text a little! And speaking of text, keep your posts on track as much as possible. I get off topic a lot. I mean, A LOT. It's hard not to go down bunny trails and stay on subject. Believe me, I know. But this is where editing really comes into play again. You have to "hear" your blog through another person's ears. If you were to read your posts out loud sometimes, it would absolutely mortify you to think you sound that way. Sometimes, it doesn't even make sense! Try to focus each post on the point you're making and make it as easy as possible for everyone to follow along with you.

#5 - Enjoy yourself.
If you're not having any fun blogging, how can you expect others to have fun reading your blog? Life is hard, and it's really easy to blog about all the nastiness and ugly and hurt. It's absolutely, 100% okay to use your blog as a healing place, a place to sort your thoughts and get the input of others. I do that here on my blog all the time. But I try not to focus on that constantly; I try to look for the good surrounding me and blog about that. Have fun with your blog, share funny stories and silly photos. Everyone will enjoy themselves more if you keep things more on the positive side rather than focusing on the negative all the time, believe me.

So there you go*, five little tips to better blogging from a blogging expert. Who's not really an expert. Yet.

*See? I mess up on my posts even when I'm giving you all advice! That's the beauty of blogging, it's an imperfect journey. That part, I am an expert at.

lately

2011-09-20T09:26:00.000-04:00

Watching "The Big Chill" with my little lady -- and yes, I watch movies with the captions on!

The weather these past few days has been AMAZING!

Just a little bit of shadow fun...

Sidney and her BFF/BF Logan :D

My bright-eyed girl

Class on the weekends sucks...I can't wait to see Nov. 30th get here!

Y'all know what time it is!!

RJ in profile. Love those little hands.

I'm telling you, AMAZING weather. It's been glorious. I hate to see winter come.

Yes, I'm counting down 'til my birthday. Not too much longer!

Pizza birthday lunches with a new *friend* of the family :D

My sweet darling and me!

{happy anniversary}

2011-09-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

I was looking through old photos of me and Justin trying to find one I liked enough to include in this post. At first I kept looking through the sweet ones and the "kissing" ones -- but I quickly realized that's not the everyday reality of us. We're goofy, odd -- people openly tell us how we're not a normal couple (whatever normal is). It would feel weird to include a picture-perfect, lovey-dovey picture in this post. Because 98% of the time, that's just not us.

We're more like this:


{2008}

And this:


{2008}

I think those that know us would say this is an accurate description of us:


{2008}

Apparently he has a closed-eye problem:


{2009}

I'm fairly certain we couldn't take a good picture if our lives depended upon it:


{2009}

There's a million and one more pictures I could show you. It's amazing how much we've changed since 2003. We were just sophomores when we started dating on Sept. 19th, 2003 -- then six years later we tied the knot, Sept. 19th, 2009. And now here we are, two years married and eight years together, Sept. 19th, 2011. Sometimes I can't believe we've made it this far; g-d knows there were plenty of ups and downs along the way. But here we are.

Two years. Two beautiful daughters. Two crazy kids still in love.


{2011}

And sometimes we even get the "sweet" parts right.

2011-09-18T22:30:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is our anniversay. Two years married, eight years together. It's been an incredible journey -- one I'll write about a little more tommorrow.

Today, we spent an amazing day together -- lunch and shopping and Starbucks and an afternoon filled with playtime with the girls. I couldn't imagine a better day with a better man by my side.

I got my first pair of Rayban Wayfarers today!!

Such a good husband.

it's been a good Saturday

2011-09-17T20:21:00.000-04:00

Me and the girls and a little "team spirit" -- they spent most of the day with their Papa, so I worked extra hard to get in the cuddles with them this evening!!

{FQF: Feat. You Are My Fave}

2011-09-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I missed last Friday's FQF post -- with the wedding, it was bonkers and I barely had time to think! We're back to your regular scheduled programming now.

Today our lovely guest blogger is Melanie from You Are My Fave. I have been following Melanie's blog since I first started mine two years ago. She's the absolute sweetest lady and can help you plan any party with style and ease. She's got an amazing cardigan collection and loves confetti. Who could resist such a peach?

Be sure to stop by You Are My Fave and tell her I sent you!

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{What is the last movie you saw in theaters? Thumbs up or down?}

Crazy Stupid Love - I give it a thumbs up (except for one story line that made me cringe). I loved the ensemble and there were plenty of moments I was chuckling about (my husband too!). If you see it, be prepared to hear women hollering at the screen and to walk away with a major crush on Ryan Gosling.

{What is your best childhood memory?}

My memory is not great. I seem to remember these really insignificant moments (like being yelled at because my new socks were dirty) more than the ones that should count. I do remember summers of wearing my swimsuit everyday and riding my bike around fondly.

{Who is your style icon?}

I love how classy Kate Middleton always looks and she dresses modestly too! No wonder she's the princess.

{Do you collect anything? What is it?}

It's hard for me to resist party supplies. When I first stumbled upon Martha Stewart's party line at Joanns I camped out in the isle for hours.

{As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?}

A professional chocolate taster. A make-up artist. A breakfast restaurant owner. A mom.

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Melanie can be found over at her blog You Are My Fave.

{If you would like to be a featured guest blogger, send me an email -> maryruthcan(at)hotmail(dot)com}

don't let the blogging blues get you down

2011-09-14T13:13:00.000-04:00

There have been many times over the past few years where I feel myself losing steam with this whole blogging scenario. I start having all these unimportant and irrational thoughts.

"No one reads my blog - why bother keeping it?"
"Do people really care about this sort of thing?"
"I'm so boring."
"I'm not as good as other, bigger, better bloggers."

It's an endless, mind-chattering cycle of useless self-conversations. Who cares if no one reads my blog? Who cares if I'm not very funny or entertaining? Who cares if I have a small following - or no following at all? Why am I basing my happiness and success rate on the interaction I have with others? Shouldn't this blog be about me and what I want and how I feel?

And the answer is, DUH! YES!

There have been so many times I've gone back through my archives just to read up on the daily life stuff that happened two years ago. There's a 101 little moments I forget about in the day-to-day shuffle of life; this blog helps me remember. It makes me smile. It documents all these magical moments in my life, with my husband, with my children, with my friends - moments I never want to forget. And I don't have to, all thanks to this little blog of mine.

I can assure the feeling I get inside, all warm and fuzzy and wonderful, is 100x better than any feeling I get when a post receives a bunch of hits or comments. Don't get me wrong, I love my readers and those who feel inclined enough to comment on my posts (I honestly try to respond to every single comment, promise!) -- thank you, to those who come here and read and feel a connection to me. I feel very connected to all of you. But I can't rely on you to make me want this blog, to make me appreciate this space. I have to do that all on my own, with or without readers.

My advice to you: don't let the hoopla and hustle of the ever-changing blog world get you down. Write down your little moments, no matter how boring or mundane they seem at the time. I promise you, some things you will forget. And as long as you put them out there, you'll always have a virtual reminder of a time "way back when". You'll never regret those moments; and if you do regret them, you'll always have a way of reminding yourself not to get to that place again.

Thank you blog, for being my little recorded slice of life.

A thank-you note to my HHR

2011-09-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

You and I have shared nearly 123,000 miles together over these last five years. You're always filthy, trash piled up in every nook and cranny. You get great gas mileage but I keep having to replace the brake pads; maybe that's my fault, not yours.

You listen to me sing as loud as I want to any music that I want. You never complain. You've been with me through wrecks and heartbreaks, happiness and fights. You've taken me down roads I've never been before, been there with me when I was lost and had no cell service. You've picked up friends, drove across states to see familiar faces with me. You've let me cry and lean on you when I couldn't break down in front of anyone else.

You always remind me I'm running late but somehow get me where I need to be. You're neglected but still you push on. You hold my babies, my most precious cargo, their toys and blankets and dreams laid out on your backseat. You hold so much to be so little.

You never let me down, except for when you can't help yourself. You've been backed into things, slammed into guardrails, driven under fences and left in the snow. You watch me ride around with the windows down pondering the beauty of life and nature and you always play what I need to hear on your radio when I need to hear it most.

You are the best, and even though I look forward to moving on to something bigger and better, you've been my companion, my constant for almost six years. I can't imagine moving on, letting you go. There's no one quite like you. And for that I think you. Thanks for being there for me. You see me at my most vulnerable, the real me. The one who sings at stoplights and unbuckles her pants when they're too tight. The one who's not afraid to fart or burp in (if no one is riding with us); the one who can't not tear up at Darius Rucker songs and Lady Gaga songs. You see me every day and you accept me completely. Why can't the rest of the world be like that?

Thanks little Chevy -- if I lived near a levy, I'd totally drive you there, too.

graciously rubbing it in...

2011-09-13T10:29:00.000-04:00

My kids are golden.

I am so lucky, sometimes it's hard for Justin and me to grasp just how lucky we got! Our girls are the biggest joys in our lives, obviously, and they're both so awesome 24/7 (or at least 23/7, everyone is allowed a little bummer time)...

Sidney has been putting herself to bed lately...she just up and announces it's time for bed around 8:30 or 9:00 and off she goes. One of us will tuck her in and let her "blow out" the light (just like my mom and dad used to do with me, I love passing down traditions!) and she's usually asleep in less than 10 seconds. There's no whining, no arguing, nothing. When she's ready, she's ready. And in the morning when I wake her up for school she usually will say, "Do I have to go to school today?" and I have learned to say "Nope, you can stay home if you want." She then follows that up with "BUT I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY! WHO WILL SIT IN MY SEAT? THEY NEED ME!"

So, yeah, she's never cried once about having to go to school. She eats her food, uses the toilet like a grown-up, plays extremely well by herself with that incredible imagination of hers, gets along with others, refuses to let other kids get her in trouble at school, loves to hang out with everyone in our family, takes such good care of her baby sissy, and manages to not act like a diva most of the time. Of course she has her moments, and when they happen oh dear g-d are they awful, but luckily they're few and far in between.

And then there's Rhealen...sweet little RJ. Y'all may think you have a good baby - you haven't seen a good baby until you've seen our little one. She is perfection, rolled into a blue-eyed girl with blonde/brown/red hair. She's the best. She sleeps like a champion, eats even better than that, has no worries in the world and never fusses (unless you lay her horizontal, dear g-d, don't lay that child flat down whatever you do).

She's been sleeping through the night since the first of August, and when I say "sleeping through the night", I mean she goes to bed around 10PM and I have to wake her up to get ready in the morning at 7AM. She always wakes up smiling and cooing, it's the sweetest way to start the morning. Who could ever be mad when you see that sweet face? Rhealen will even wake up to smile and talk to her Daddy while he's getting ready and then go right back to sleep when he leaves. SHE'S AMAZING, that child of mine. Everyone who keeps her says she's the best baby, and she really is. I would say bragging on her might jinx us, but she's too damn good not to brag about.

Justin and I got so damned lucky. We must've been martyrs in our past lives or something.

9.10.11

2011-09-12T14:48:00.000-04:00

My oldest cousin got married Saturday (on the coolest and easiest wedding date to remember, ever!) so everyone in our family was busy as bees this weekend. No time to think, much less blog! I hate I didn't write an eloquent or heartfelt 9/11 post, but I think those fallen know my heart and I said a special little prayer for all those still serving (especially the favorite "boyfriend" in my family, Matt) and those who were lost. I meant well.

But back to the wedding! It was perfect: great weather, amazing food, lots of good family and friends, cupcakes, the Cupid Shuffle, all the wonderful cheesy things that make a wedding feel so blissfully perfect (without the horrible price tag, may I point out).

Here are some of my favorite shots from Saturday. Congrats Tab & Victor!

Tab wore her mom's wedding gown...super sweet!

Mr. & Mrs. Byrd

To be so goofy, they really can be sweet somtimes...

...but most of the time they're just goofy!

Who doesn't love a cupcake bar?

Dobby & Rhealen Jo - two of my favorite girls :)

SidMo & Coco (and baby Quincy!)

Highlight of the night: Tab & Victor's "Dirty Dancing" scene, minus the lift. Tab just couldn't hold Victor up :)

climbing on my wedding-related soapbox.

2011-09-07T14:47:00.000-04:00

{Pardon the rant.}

I saw a billboard today that made me want to pull over to the side of the road and burn the thing down - I was that enraged (and I'm still not sure why I got so mad in the first place, but I digress). A local bank has a new ad out for their personal loans depicting three "everyday" scenarios in which you might need to get a loan: buying a house, buying a car, and a wedding. A WEDDING.

Since when did someone need to take out a loan to pay for a wedding?! I realize in this day and age of reality TV shows like Platinum Weddings and Four Weddings and Bridezilla engaged women are exposed to one wedding after the other, day in and day out. But seriously? There is no need to take out a second mortgage on your house to get hitched. There's no need to outdo everyone within a 50-mile radius of your house with the grandest, most expensive wedding. There's no need!

If couples (I'll say couples, because some grooms-to-be might be in on this insane trend) spent half of their time focused on the marriage as opposed to the wedding, our national divorce rate might drop significantly. Why do people feel like they have to have top-of-the-line weddings, no matter what that means for their bank accounts?

I don't get it. Justin and I had a low-key wedding that didn't cost an arm and a leg. Mom and I did a lot of DIY projects and used local family and friends to make our wedding feel "homey" and special. His Mom (and sister and Aunt) catered, a friend of ours made our cakes, a friend of the family was our DJ, we had our reception in my Mamaw's backyard and my bridesmaid made all of our favors (you can read more about our wedding HERE). It was wonderful, to be supported and surrounded by people who loved us and made our day possible.

All I'm trying to say is focus on the person you're marrying - put your energy and time into having a great marriage, not just a great wedding. There's no need for you to drain all your hard-earned cash on some lavish party that's over before you can blink. Have a good wedding - have a wedding that represents who you are and how you feel. Make it as wonderful as you want, but don't buy into the notion that you have to pay big bucks to make that happen! It's all about the person you love and the road that lies before you. No dress or cake or venue can outshine the love you (should) feel for your fiance. So don't even try to let it.

I can't believe I'm so heated about this topic, but here I am - mad at our society for feeling like this. I think I'll just boycott WE TV for awhile so I don't have to think about it.

3 months.

2011-09-06T16:09:00.003-04:00

I'm definitely not one of those awesome mom-bloggers who can keep up with monthly posts about their kids -- my life is so crazy at the moment, it took me all day to remember that Rhealen is three months old today! And at first, I thought she was only 2 months! Time really does get away from you fast sometimes, especially when you're not paying close attention...

{one month}

{two months}

{three months}

I keep having to count on my fingers starting from June to remind myself it's really been three months? Really? Really.

Rhealen is pretty much the perfect little kid -- everyone who keeps her says she's an easy baby. She sleeps a ton (all night long, THANKYOUGOD) and eats a ton and talks and smiles and loves ceiling fans. She's your typical good kid, just blends into the fabric of everyone's lives and goes right along with the flow.

Ain't no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed.

All this talk about big and old my girls are getting makes me smile and weep - I'm grateful for two healthy babes and the chance to be their "momma". There's nothing in the world I'd rather do!

the ultimate labor day of love.

2011-09-06T10:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Sidney's 4th birthday!

We had her party Saturday evening (even though it felt like an all-day party!) and it was a huge success, despite the downpour we had at the beginning of her party. There were cupcakes (that got gobbled up quickly) and a huge bouncy house with dual slides (that got played on all day long) and tons of sweet presents (Sidney's been in 7th heaven playing all weekend) and lots of friends and family to surround us. We grilled out, passed around the babies in the family and spent lots of time patting our full bellies. Justin and I always feel so tired but so blissfully happy after Sidney's birthday parties. She just makes us feel warm and fuzzy :)

It's hard to believe four years ago, I was spending the day "laboring" away to bring our big girl into the world. I don't think I've ever shared Sidney's birth story (something I need to do soon before all the little details go fuzzy, I'm already losing bits and pieces as it is!) so I'm going to do that in the near future. She was an easy girl to get here, didn't take too long and didn't require too much of me at the time.

I'll never forget them laying her up on my chest and my heart just splitting wide open. I had never loved anyone like that before she came along. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel like that with Rhealen, and in all honesty, I didn't at first (but now I totally do!). It's the most amazing thing in the world to meet our children for the first time, and I feel so lucky to have been able to be a part of this miracle twice in four years.

Happy Birthday, my sweet sweet girl. You're amazing beyond words.

{Five Question Friday: Feat. You Don't Know}

2011-09-02T10:37:00.000-04:00

Today's guest blogger is the wonderful, always-funny Brandy from You Don't Know - she's as real as they get people! Super hilarous, she's been a good "blogging buddy" of mine since I started out. She's always supportive, a great commentor and is known to have a slight Edward Cullen obsession (just like yours truly)!

She's someone I always recommend to those just starting out with a blog - she'll show you how it's done! So, take it away, Brandy!

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{What is your favorite thing to do with your husband?}

The movies – I love a grown up date at the movies. I can also tell you my least favorite thing- HA!

{What would your perfect vacation be like?}

A GIRLS-ONLY trip to an all-inclusive resort with a beach and pool and spa and hot guys and places to dance. NO husbands – NO kids – NO drama. Dance – laugh – drink – look at the eye candy – dance – fall down – drink more. It sounds like heaven. Who’s in?

{What’s one thing you miss about being a kid?}

No F’n bills. Money is soooo dumb.

{What is your worst dating experience?}

I can’t remember. I’ve been married for 11 years. I was a huge slut in high school though. It wasn’t so much dating as it was parking. I did go on a date with a High School friend that was a little “off” He ended up going to prison for touching little boys.

{If you choose, how would you want to die?}

Hmmm. I wanna say peacefully in my sleep but that’s SOOOO boring. Maybe something super weird where I would get my own “I didn’t know I was gonna die” TLC TV special

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Be sure to visit Brandy at You Don't Know (and let's try to get her to join Twitter, too!)

{If you would like to be a featured guest-blogger, send me an email -> maryruthcan(at)hotmail(dot)com}

the first.

2011-09-01T07:00:00.001-04:00

September is THE month, the best of months, the most wonderful time of the year! My love for September runs deep.

First up, Sidney turns 4 on the 5th! My sweet little pork chop is turning four, how in the world did time go by so fast? I thought three was crazy, but four? It's so hard to believe. She's such the big kid now, it's breaking my heart.

Second, Justin and I will celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary on the 19th. Two years married, eight years together! We've grown up together and still have many more years ahead of us. Married life feels right, although it can be a rocky road at times. Being with anyone for that long can get tiring, but we love each other and pull through everything together. He's my best friend, and I love him more every day.

Lastly, my 23rd birthday falls on the 28th! I've learned so much in my short twenty-three years of living, I can't imagine how smart I'll be by the time I hit 30 ;) Twenty-two has been fun, but I'm ready for another year of living and loving and doing what I (try to) do best: being me. I'm definitely not one of these people who worry about getting older. I look forward to gray hair and grand-kids and "senior moments". I aim to live an Advanced Style life! Even when I find myself feeling overwhelmed and down, I try to remind myself to be happy and count my lucky stars!

So as you can see, September is the greatest month of the year to me - so much happiness and joy and presents and food and family and friends. It's already feeling officially like fall these days, I can't stop myself from smiling every time I step outside.

I will definitely be dancing in September.

Am I a Photographer?

2011-08-31T16:15:00.000-04:00

The thought has been in my head lately, what it means to be a photographer? (Cue long rant...)

I am not a professional photographer, by any means. I never went to school, took classes or got any sort of professional training in this field. I have no certifications and no titles. I feel like I put too much emphasis on the fact that I'm not a professional sometimes, but only because I want people to know up-front that this is just a hobby of mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love photography. I have ever since I got my first Canon Rebel 35mm back when I started high school. I still have it, and I love it. There's nothing (in my opinion) that compares to film photography. Even as advanced as we are today in our modern times with Photoshop and Lightroom and all the other wonderful tools of the editing trade, to me nothing can replace a film-photograph.

I also love to shoot SOOC, but not a lot of people like that these days. I think we've all grown really accustomed to clean, perfect, edited photographs. I play around with editing and have fun with 99% of my digital shots, but I find myself doing it moreso for the "client" and not for myself. If it were up to me, I'd shoot nothing but film all the time, no editing at all.

There are a million photographers out there today, some really good and some really bad. Anyone with a fancy camera and the want-to can and will call themselves a "photographer". And I'm in that bunch. I'm just a lucky girl with a good camera who loves taking photos of friends and family. It's not my business or my craft. It's just an enjoyable hobby I'm lucky enough to do on weekends every now and then.

But I still feel the need to be appreciated. I don't think I'm bad at what I do. I enjoy it. My "clients" seem to enjoy my photos. I have a ball during the entire process. I don't want to be looked down upon or judged or feel inadequate standing next to professionals. We are in two different categories. I would never claim myself a professional or try to charge an arm and a leg for my services.

And I don't feel like someone needs to pay out the behind to get great photos of an event or moment in their lives. Photography is all about fun and preserving those moments of fun forever. Who could put such a high price tag on such a thing?

I'm very blessed and thankful for all those wonderful people who have given me a chance to photograph them over the last few years. It's been such an awesome experience, I wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. I've learned a lot of hard lessons through this process (always carry a back-up battery pack or two and a few extra memory cards! especially at weddings!) and I feel like I'm improving every time I pick up my camera.

And that's what I want to focus on in the future - my camera. Perfecting my SOOC photographs and to stop using editing as a crutch. I might even ditch the digital all together for awhile and shoot film only. (If only I could develop my own photos! Every girl needs a dream, right?!) I have a wedding coming up next month, and of course, I'm going to take my trusty digital gal along with me. But after that, I think I'll just stick to what I know and love best: film. I'm not sure people will be clamoring for those kind of photos, but at least I'll be doing what I love the most and I'm sure there's someone out there willing to take a risk and give me a chance.

I'm an amateur photographer, and I know it, believe me. But my love for photography is anything but. My love is my passion, and I refuse to let other people call me out or call me down because I lack the experience or education to be a professional. This is something I will continue to do every day of my life, if only to photograph my children and my family.

I am a photographer, regardless of what some would say and what doubt may fill my head from time to time.

{Featured are just some of my favorite photos from the last few years -- so many good memories!}