it's official

my own daughter is turning against me. last night, she was all cuddled up in bed with her daddy around 11:00 watching TV & I went to lay down with them to go to sleep (Justin had already said she could sleep with us since she was so whiny)...and what does she do? she starts crying and saying "no! no! no!" at me - like I'd done something wrong. Justin looks at her and says "you want mommy to go sleep on the couch?" all she says is: "uh-huh".

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! kicked out of my own freaking bed by my own freaking kid?! so I go pile up on the couch with no pillow & only a sheet for warmth...and I hear Justin in there talking to her.

"you want mommy?"
"no. no. nooooooooo."
[10 mintues later - after she still won't go to sleep]
"you want mommy?"
"noooooooooooooooooo."

so then he brings her in the living room - where I'm almost asleep - and tells me that she wants me: ha! I know better; he just can't go to sleep with her in there tossing & turning & talking gibberish. so he piles up on the couch & Sidney finally lets me get in the bed with her. she did the same tossing & turning for almost an hour. I don't know when she fell asleep, but I was near death - I was so tired & she had kicked the crap out of me, pulled my hair and threw her body against mine trying to find a comfy position. dear lord - she sleeps just like her father.

and what was the first thing she said this morning when she woke up at 6:00 & realized it was mommy in bed with her: "DADA? DADA? DADAAAAAAAAAAA."

my heart is broken right now, folks.

but here's my little montage to the loves of my life...

GOOP

I don't know what it means...and I can't say that I agree with/like anything on her website. but I had fun browsing around Gwenyth Paltrow's website GOOP - I couldn't figure out exactly why the media is busting her chops over it; it was just artsy, rich, fancy, vegan crap that was fun to look at in my opinion. see what you think about.

heyyy

yesterday was a day full of schoolwork; I hate getting behind because it's such a b*tch to catch back up! but I'm getting there - I'll just be glad when school is done & over with for good. I'm definitely feeling a little burnt out here....lord knows!

well, I'm excited this morning (even though I'm dying from exhaustion) - I've got some more wedding $$$ coming my way, so that means more shopping! yaaaay :) I've been saying that I can't buy too much just yet because I don't have anywhere to put the stuff, but I think I'll buy a big storage tub & put everything in there; then I can go ahead and buy my DVDs I need, my paper for invitations/programs, and any other little odds-n-ends I come across! the biggest thing Justin & I are struggling with is deciding what to do about food; his mom has offered her services & I know the food would be beyond delicious - I just feel kind of bad making her "work" on our wedding day. it's all too confusing - I have no clue what we'll end up doing! but other than that planning is going along good...slow but steady!

I'm really looking forward to this weekend; DOBBY will be home & I feel like I haven't seen her in forever. maybe we can do another Cheddar's rendevouz like last friday :) WHOOHOO! I'm going to link over to a video that dobby sent me - it's too freaking hilarious but it is explicit so don't have the volume up or the kiddes will hear you!!
HERE YOU GO!

I know it's silly

have you ever smelled of a paperclip? random/weird question, I know BUT: I just happened to smell one today & it stunk to high heavens. it was like this really familiar but still disgusting nasty smell......just something to think about here, people.

tuesday is going along good so far - kind of boring today in comparison to the rodeo that was my yesterday; but I'm very glad today is serene. I needed the peace; I've been working on getting our little family pictures mailed out. I always feel bad when I can't send everyone 8x10s or 5x7s or us every time; but then again, not everyone probably wants a gigantic picture of us! :) let's hope not anyways...

I'm taking tomorrow off to go to MECC for a hard day's worth of studying; I'm getting up early & going to the library to spend the ENTIRE DAY working on my classes. lord knows I'm getting behind & I need to catch up and keep up! I've also got a few dozen other school-related kinks to smoothe out tomorrow...let's all hope for a good wednesday! I don't know if they block blogger up on-campus, but I'll try to sneak in long enough to leave ya'll a DELIGHT; can't mess up the ebb and flow of our universe by skipping a day's delight don'tcha know!!!!

PEACE.

oh & here's a picture I'm in love with - don't know if it's doctored or real or what. but I got it in an email & fell head over heels....

makes me smile

saw this at wal-mart yesterday. let's just say I had a big laugh-out-loud moment :)

all is good

it's been a near 12-hour circus of non-stop anxiety but now the worst part is over. we have a diagnosis. we know a route for getting her better. & life can go on steady once again.

ahhhh, sweet relief

step by step

I think mother nature is trying to tell me something here: cheer up.

I've talked to mom about a gazillion times since 8:00 this morning; I'm sure she's ready to string me up by my ears. but still no diagnosis on Mamaw, however she is feeling better. they're still running test after test but she is in good spirits as always & I feel slightly better knowing they've managed to kill the pain for her.

some random things that have piled up this morning to make me smile: my new phone arrived in the mail...I've got it up & running and I'm so glad to have it! our family pictures came in today as opposed to thursday (what luck is that!?) & so I'll get to pick them up today on my lunch break. the sun is shining, even though it's cold & it just makes me feel better. and I managed to find a song that I've been looking for forever from the "how to deal" soundtrack. believe it or not, it's actually by John Mayer (whom I despise)...but it's OLD John Mayer as opposed to new-bitchy-whineyface John Mayer so I'm justified. it's a good oldun called "Not Myself" and if you're known about it for 4 years already well BITE ME. I'm slow. but it's a good one + it's on my profile on myspace now so...

I'm cheering up little by little. once they've found out what's wrong with Mamaw I'll be 100% restored and feeling better.

PS shelby just came in here & said we're going to Simi's for lunch ;) yummo! my day is slowly but surely getting better...

anniversary

I thought today's blog would be all peppy & exciting - it's my one month anniversary with blogger.

but as much as I'd like to ramble on and on in happy tones, today has started out sour & isn't really getting any better. my mamaw is in the hospital & so far, no one knows what's wrong.

so that's that - I'm just hoping things get figured out and fixed soon. I hate the waiting and the not-knowing. I'm probably going to take a half-day & go to the hopsital in a little bit. any hopes, prayers, wishes, whatever are greatly appreciated.

a reflection of me

if you've been around us lately, then you've seen the devil-child my daughter has turned into when something doesn't go her way. she's fast apporaching those terrible 2's full-speed ahead; and she's not even technically 1 and 1/2. she can scream, cry, become red-faced like a tomato, trash, smack, kick and throw the worst tantrum you've ever seen. it literally un-nerves her father; she gets so worked up she can't breath, can't move.

and even though she's being rotten and a brat, I understand what she's feeling. when she gets so tore up, she goes into a panic attack almost...just like me. I look at her & I just see me when I'm upset all over again. she can't control her breathing; it comes in sharp gasps that make her whole chest rise and shake. she can try to quit crying but it keeps bubbling back up. that happens to me when things get bad enough; I do the exact same thing.

last night she was in one of these panic attacks & I was holding her, rubbing her back and trying to get her to be calm and just stay quiet for a minute til it passed; Justin just stood there with this god-awful look on his face; he had realized that she was just like me & that he'd be dealing with these moments for the rest of his life. she's never going to be a smooth, quiet cryer. she's going to be a screaming, snotting, puffy-faced freak just like her momma. I was standing in the kitchen with her and he just said, "well she sure got something from you". yes, she did.

sometimes it can be so hard trying to "figure out" your child; I've always known that Sidney has a very out-going personality. that's one of the fun, easy things you can figure out early on. but now I'm learning more about her - how she handles the bad things in her life as well as the good. and even though I'm not exactly looking forward to all these meltdowns, at least now I know it's a part of who she is & I can learn how to deal with her through these times. she's never going to be one of those people you can keep screaming at and trying to break down - she'll just lock up and go into her shell. just like me. I know where she's coming from; and I've got some small idea of what she's going to have to go through in the future.

but there will always be at least one person who understands she just needs to cry it out; she needs to get it all out at one time. I will always understand the way she handles things, even when I can't understand why. and I'll always be there to let her cry whenever she needs to.

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease

I AM LITERALLY BEGGING & PLEADING JUSTIN FOR ONE OF THESE.

I even said I'd get a boy so he'd be happy!!!!!!

weenies

who came up with that name? "cocktail weenies" - as a matter of fact, where did the word "cocktail" come from at all? our language is so strange.

anyways, I'm making my aunt Jodi's ridiculously delicious recipe of cocktail weenies wrapped in bacon & drenched in brown sugar - all cooked together for about 2 hours in a crockpot (another crazy word).

it's insanely yummy & equally fattening - but hey: today is FRIDAY & I'm not one of those dieting brides :) bring on the cocktail weenies, baby!!!

money - it's the devil!

I will be the first to admit that in my few short years dealing with money, I've not been very financially-savvy.

I have credit-card debt; it's nothing like what you see advertised on TV where it's $10,000 in the hole, but I think for just one person I have substanial debt. I have two credit cards & two in-store credit cards. I've been making minimim wage (or barely above) since I got a job in 2006. It's extremely hard to pay off bills making minimum wage, even when you've only got a couple bills. Throw on top of that a baby & let's just say your money disappears quicker than you can make it.

but I've been lucky - here at my new job I make pretty good money; and I'm able to pay off my small debts slowly but surely. I'm just now getting to the phase where I can check my accounts and breath easy. they're nowhere near being paid off, but I'm progressing. I'm paying more than just the minumum each month; sometimes I'm able to pay 3x as much. and I refuse to keep using the cards once I get a little extra room on there. I haven't used these cards at all this year - which may not sound like much, but believe me it is. Debt is such a burden; even little debts. I haven't made the best decisions with my money & now I'm paying for it - extra and with interest. it was so easy to acquire these cards & spend all that money fast...tellling myself I could pay it all back easy. I was dead wrong; there should be more classes out there for financial management available to teenagers. that should be a mandatory class in HS - where someone tells you what to do and what not to do once you start making decent money. I wish someone would've told me more about credit cards - even my Mom warned me about debt, making payments on-time, and keeping my money straight; but I didn't really listen.

my main thing I'm trying to say here is: "be smart" with your money. & if you aren't smart, don't beat yourself up about it. just take a step back, re-evaluate your goals & start working towards becoming debt-free. it's a long road & it doesn't happen overnight; it certainly doesn't happen as quickly as it was to go into debt. but it can and will happen if you're willing to work at it. I'm so thankful to have this burden lightened...if only a little & if only for a moment. I can't imagine the feeling that will come when I know I am 100% credit card debt free.

I guess that's about the time we'll buy a house - and there goes that good feeling again. :)

need some help

OK: I need the help of the general public out there - you people reading this.

I've just set up my first shop on ETSY! I am transitioning from buyer to seller; my gameplan is to sell vintage stuff - the things I find in local stores that I love to buy but can't really keep. I plan to have anything and everything for sell - clothes, books, trinkets, cookware, kids stuff; whatever treasures I can find!

but I need help coming up with a "name" for my store; I want something simple and catchy. something quirky and fun - I've got a million ideas but nothing sounds just right. does anyone out there have a suggestion? PLEASE HELP!

loverface survey

got this from DOOCE & thought it was neat-o!

What are your middle names? My middle name is Ruth; his his Leon. both of us are named after previous family members...we passed on the tradition to our daughter.

How long have you been together? We will be getting married on our 6th anniversary this year!

How long did you know each other before you started dating? Technically since first grade; but I can't remember Justin until about the 7th grade - that makes me a bad/snobby person I guess!

Who asked whom out? Absolutely ME; I'm the more aggressive - or at least I was back when.

How old are each of you? Justin will be turning 22 on March 26th & I'll be 21 on September 28th.

Whose siblings do you see the most? I have no siblings; Justin's brother lives in Kingsport so he's close, but Leanna is our full-time babysitter so I've come to think of her as kind of my sister who just keeps my kid a lot.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? There's a lot of little situations that pile up: taking care of Sidney, preparing to move in & get married this summer, figuring out our finances, planning this stupid wedding & just trying to "grow up" together and in the same direction.

Did you go to the same school? Like I said, we've been in the same class since 1st grade!

Are you from the same home town? Kind of: he's from Blackwater. I'm from Duffield. but you could basically spit on Blackwater from Duffield - so maybe, yeah.

Who is smarter? I am definitely more "book smart" whereas I have no "common sense"; with Justin it's exactly opposite.

Who is the most sensitive? I was always the most sensitive one; and since giving birth? I weep at the world.

Where do you eat out most as a couple? Our favorite place to eat would have to be Logan's but we never go there seeing as how it's an hour away & the kid kind of dampers all traveling; so sadly it's some place like Pizza Plus :(

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? San Diego, CA on an FCCLA trip - good times.

Who has the craziest exes? We started dating in 10th grade, so technically all our "exes" were kids at the time; but Justin takes the cake on crazy exes with some more recent crazies he was, and I'm saying this politely, "involved with".

Who has the worst temper? Have you met us? Justin - hands down. and unfortunately for my nerves, our darling daughter has inherited his habits...basically I've been dealing with the terrible 2s since about her 1st birthday.

Who does the cooking? Me: I like to cook - doesn't mean I have the talent to cook. He's probably the better cook; he's just too damned lazy to move much less make a meal to feed his family.

Who is the neat-freak? Neither of us; I pity our poor house. When you walk through the door, I promise to have a path leading through the piles of clothes and dirty dishes...and a place on the couch next to the cockroaches :)

Who is more stubborn? Tie. that's how I know who has the worst temper!

Who hogs the bed? I hog blanket. He hogs space. It's a constant battle sleeping together; you know all those nice images you see of couples curled up together, tangled together like vines in love - well that's not us. we duel it out every time - can't wait for the next 80 years of sleeping with him.

Who wakes up earlier? Me - because god forbid he actually get up with his child. I'm kidding - sort of. He's gotten up maybe 8 times in her 18 months of living....

Where was your first date? a football game in Haysi. or Honaker. I can't remember!

Who is more jealous? Me? Him? Both? Both. In a totally bad, unhealthy, possessive way - let's just say it always leads to serious fights and serious...well, you know.

How long did it take to get serious? This is a hard question - we were kids when we started dating & we had a very childish love; I guess finding out we were about to be parents made us kick it up about 9,000 notches...but I've always felt he his my soulmate & my childhood love; we would've been together no matter what - we just would've taken more time being kids.

Who eats more? Me - I'm a pig. & of course, like a typical male, he could eat 3x as much as me and not gain nearly 1/3 of what I would. men SUCK.

Who does the laundry? He does his laundry. I do mine.

Who's better with the computer? Me - I'm on the computer all the time at work & somewhat at home; I'm in the blogging zone at the moment, so it's fun. He just gets on here to look up guns & porn :)

Who drives when you are together? Me - I hate his driving; I'm such a control-freak that I can't stand for anyone else to drive...Justin included!

is it working?

you have to check out this video.

P.S. the video is really good, but this is actually a test run to see if I've mastered the art of linking on blogger! :)

jamming out

the people in the office/studio next to us are getting down with their bad-selves; they've got this very rhythmic beat playing on repeat (probably while they roll a fattie & light up)...

so whilest I'm sitting here doing about 100 company envelopes, I'm bobbing my head & tapping my feet (are you supposed to do that to rap?) - and I'm secretly thanking god for whoever it was that invented peel-and-stick stamps & envelops; makes my job a helluva lot easier :)

humpday

I finally broke down & bought the mamma mia! soundtrack on itunes this morning - believe me, I would've resisted except for the fact that it's been driving me crazy since I watched that movie about two weeks ago! everywhere I go I'm humming a song from the movie; and there's about 18 different songs to choose from, so my brian is on constant random/repeat. whatever - I know it's semi-lame, but hey: ABBA was semi-cool back in the day, so I'm justified. & besides it's catchy stuff; good to get me up & going in the morning while I'm driving that dreadful 40 minute drive to work...I swear, that break between Speer's Ferry & GC is killer...

last night Sidney & I had a great time listening to my playlist on myspace - it's got some pretty good dance tunes on there at the moment & we were breaking it down!!! her favorite was "heartbreaker" by pat benatar (that's my girl...) I took a little video of us dancing & tried to get it up on youtube but for whatever reason my computer was being dumb! I put some mini-clips of her dancing on FB so that should do - she's a cutie no matter what she's doing, but her dancing is especially cute; I always say she looks like my mamaw Mary when she's boogie-ing!! :)

and we are officially puppy-less; Little Man was sold yesterday afternoon to a guy from GC! let's hope he gives him a good home...lord knows that poor puppy has been through enough in his short 5 months of living!

other than that, not much is going on today; I bought a PS2, 13 games, 2 controllers & 2 memory cards yesterday for $50 so I'm Justin's new favorite person...he's just excited to have a gaming console again; whenever he gets strapped for $$ he just sells games and stuff but this time, the momma is putting her foot down - I bought it, so I'm keeping it! and yes, I know this is about 3 years behind the rest of the world, but I'm excited now because I can buy myself guitar hero! :) go ahead & say it: "LOSER" - but I'm always a day late/dollar short. my favorite gaming system is still the nintendo64! I could play the crap out of some Mario Party right about now - so there! I yam what I yam...

PEACE.

gave it up

mom & I reached a decision - we couldn't handle the dogs anymore; and so come the middle of May we should be having Basset Hound puppies once again!!!

Minnie & Buddy did their "thing" today & if all goes well, we'll be selling puppies this summer (: let's just hope that Minnie has a few less puppies this go-around. a dozen is a bit too much!!!

PEACE.

just do it

http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

go to this site - trust me it's worth the two minutes it takes :)

it burns

I've got some extra $$$ and so I must go shopping!

I'm headed over to the "kingsport town center" aka THE DAMN MALL to see about finding an after-ceremony dress aka reception dress aka not my big-poofy-formal gown! I'd like to find something to dance in, hang out in, be comfortable in & god forbid: maybe even wear again! we'll see :)

wish me luck!

mommy did it...

remember how I said Justin wouldn't buy Sidney the talking Ming-Ming the other day...well, let's just say we now own one talking Ming Ming! :) couldn't resist - too cute & even I am in love with her so: THERE HA!

saturday night was the typical bingo night; all except for the fact that mom just happend to win the $670.00 bulldog!!! an extra $200.00 in my bank account never looks bad (: ahhh, sweet victory!

I'm very much looking forward to seeing my loverface this evening - these past three days has been hard being away from him; but it did help that he stayed with us saturday night. maybe this new shift won't be so terrible after all......at least my boo still has his job; I know we're very lucky for that reason alone.

and I'm feeling slightly better about getting back on track with the whole wedding planning thing; Jodi is supposed to accompany me to Ben Franklin so we can look at flowers sometime in the near future. I'm on the search for brown Chucks for my girls & ivory ones for me! things are moving ahead slowly but surely...mom & I decided if we can splurge for ONE thing, it's going to be the photo-booth we saw at the bridal show. it's a big chunk of money (about $700) but it's worth it to both of us - so we'll see!

hope everyone had a good weekend...

peace.

I've reached a decision

wedding planning in advance is not exactly the best idea I've ever had. two reasons why:
1.) I change my mind too much!
2.) I change my mind too much!

I know a lot of people say they wish they would've had more time to plan things out because they didn't get everything just right & they would've done more. well, I wish I had less time on my hands to sit & go over this freaking wedding because it's driving me CRAZY!!! I second-guess every decision I make - even stupid little decisions that aren't going to be noticed by anyone...except maybe Cassie.

I went over to Michael's today to look around at their faux-flowers, thinking I'd grab some + bring them home to Jodi & she'd be able to whip up my bouquets in no time....HA! I stood there looking at over 500+ flowers for almost an hour. The more I thought about what flowers matched what flowers and did I want this shade of green or that shade of green the more my head began to ache. It's impossible to choose something - I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. I wish I had like 72 hours to whip up a wedding & then when it was finished, I could piss & moan about how I wanted more time but at least the freaking thing would be a done deal! all of this planning and choosing and pondering and thinking and deciding and crap is KILLING ME SLOWLY.

elopement looks better every single day.

on ONE good note + I was able to buy 50 "thank you" cards & 200 tea-lights for only $9.00 - it was a nice way to walk out of the store considering my face was as red as the Valentine crap they had on display...

OMG! OMG! (:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

I have found the BEST game online. www.arcadeimpact.com

the Apple Shooter game! so violent! so funny! :) I love it!!!!

let me count the ways

I fell in love all over again yesterday, folks.

seeing my child and her father play is one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. sometimes I can look at Sidney & see no one but Justin. take for example: yesterday, we had our pictures made together for the first time as a little family & then we had some shots taken of just Sidney. the photographer had given her some stuffed animals to play with during the shots - they were VDay animals - and she just looks straight at the photographer and growls...I'm not even joking. then, as hard as she can, she flings those animals straight at her. she was possessed, I'm sure of it. basically I told the lady "we're done" & then after sitting through her discussion of every freaking package available, we took the cheapest route out. why do they do that? I tell them every time, we're getting your promotional offer - I'm not buying anything more. & still they insist on going over every little detail. not cool.

so after our pictures, we're walking around wal-mart & Justin decides he's in a "giving" mood. he bought me my favorite Disney movie of all time: Sleeping Beauty. I tried to talk him into buying Sidney my favorite Backyardigans episode on DVD but I quickly found out he wasn't that "giving". well, then we went to the toy aisle & I swear - sometimes I whine more for Sidney than she does. I was literally BEGGING Justin to buy this two-foot talking/singing Ming-Ming from the WonderPets. have you seen the WonderPets? Ming-Ming is the DUCK WITH THE LISP! what in the world is freaking cuter than a freaking duck with a freaking lisp?!! but Justin wouldn't budge - he wouldn't give $40.00 for the thing, even though I thought it was too adorable to pass up! oh well, the Daddy won out on that one. we spent the rest of the day just running around looking at guns and houses - sounds like a perfect date doesn't it? we also managed to hang out with Mamaw Shirley & eat at IHOP. it was a wonderful, sunny, breezy, beautiful day spent with my loved ones.

too bad Sidney & I will be all alone tomorrow without our boy :( it sucks being alone on Valentine's Day - even though I don't really like the stupid holiday, I don't like being alone.

poo. grr. ugh.

spending the day

with my two loves: Justin & Sidney...

we're having our pictures made together & going out to eat our "valentine" dinner - Justin has to work all weekend, so it'll just be me & Sidney alone on Saturday

:( oh well, she & I can figure out something fun/sweet to do - I'm sure it'll involve some kind of "num-num", the Backyardigans or Spongebob & curling up together :)

who could ask for anything more?

P.S. I went ahead & got crafty yesterday & made the DELIGHT for today when I was at work...but for some crazy reason, it keeps posting it under Wednesday instead of Thursday when I publish it - guess it will just hold on to its 02/11 date - but anyways, today's delight is just right below - make sure you check it out; it's a good one! :)

might steal...

I saw something while cruising around other blogs....
a book giveaway - the woman just randomly picks a person from her readers each month & sends them one of her books. how cool is that?

I could do that - except lately I don't get to read enough to give one away a month. mine would be once a year

:( how depressing.
oh well...I'll think of something!

oxymoron

this morning on my way to work, I saw a church marquee that said:
"any day above ground is a good day"...

isn't that technically kind of the wrong way of thinking? I thought Heaven is this bomb diggity place where all the woes of the world are gone & it's nothing but a 24/7 hallelujah party? that's what I learned from church: that the reward for living right is a peaceful, blissful, totally awesome after-life. so, in that mind-frame, wouldn't you just be totally syked to finally get there?
just a thought............

probably a dud thought.

hello, sunshine

I love the way the sun has been streaming though the windows here at the office more and more as we edge closer to spring....having all that sunshine on my face right before quitting time only makes this time of the day seem more magical & peaceful.

there's something to say for all that sunshine & the vitamins it has in-store. it's a beautiful thing - very calming and serene. I'm just hoping it doesn't go away any time soon.....

M.I.A.

okay: I'm so tired of people giving rapper M.I.A. flack over her wardrobe choices at the Grammy's. OMG - she was there performing on her freaking due date!!! that's insane - & not only did she perform she totally rocked: stood up there with Kanye, Jay-Z & Lil' Wayne and totally jammed out!!! she is my new hero :) I cannot even begin to imagine going out there like that ON MY DUE DATE and getting my freak on. it just makes me love that song "Paper Planes" about 1,000x more now! I would totally give her a "you-go-girl" while fist-pumping the air if she was here now.......right on.

5 reasons...

to look forward to SEPTEMBER!!!

1.) Sidney's 2nd birthday!
2.) Our Wedding!!!
3.) Our Honeymoon Cruise :)
4.) My 21st Birthday!
5.) Working on Baby#2!!!

:) oh yesssssssssssss........

I'm really hoping...

I can get Thursday off! :) that way Justin, Sidney & I can have our first family portrait taken! isn't that crazy? Sidney's almost one-and-a-half & we've never had our pictures taken professionally together. hmmmm...does that make me a bad momma? maybe.

I am just itching for summer to get here...warm weather, sunny days, moving in together, getting closer to our wedding, finishing school: there's a million different reasons to look forward to! :) it'll be here before I know it - having a baby has taught me that lesson. time literally FLIES. there's no slowing it down - the more you want it to crawl, the more it seems to go on full-steam ahead. it's a tragedy...

but still yet - I'm ready for SUMMER09!!!

treasures

I love listening to justin & sidney talk to each other ;) it's one the sweetest things to hear: she listens, he talks....and then she talks and he listens.
I love observing their "little moments"...even though she's a full-time momma's girl right now, I know there'll come a time soon when she'll start turning into a daddy's girl.
& lord knows I dread it...

hope ya'll had a good a weekend.

a blessing

my wonderful cousin Rusty is about to be a first-time daddy!!! :)

& they're having a BOY due: June 19th. couldn't be happier for him & Suan!

yay for ebay! yay for friday!

a dress I bought for Sidney (in hopes of her wearing it for Easter) came in yesterday :) I always love getting stuff in the mail - it's some kind of childish kick I get. just getting something with my name on it makes me smile...ahh, anyways - the dress is absolutely adorable - exactly as it was pictured/described on ebay, so I'm loving it! my only concern is it might not last til Easter - it's already snug around her little arms, so some sewing magic might have to happen here to help it survive a little longer!

this is exactly the reason I'm holding out on buying her dress for the wedding - lord knows as soon as I buy one, she'll shoot up three sizes & I'll be in the toilet!!! I have learned that lesson before when she was just a wee babe & I started buying things waaaay too early for her! so now I buy almost everything second-hand, or I use giftcards I get; I found two $20 Old Navy gift cards from last year in my closet a couple weeks back & poor aunt fanny had to go do all kinds of shopping for the Sidney girl (I know she hates all that shopping!)...

that's one reason I cannot wait for spring to get here, so people will start having yard sales!! that's where we got most of Sid's clothes last year, and believe me: it saves a truck load! you can find great deals at yard sales & since kids grow so freaking fast, it's pointlesst to go out and spend a couple hundred bucks building up their wardrobe when they'll outgrow it quicker than you can blink - buy second hand: that's my best advice for any soon-to-be parents! I also am anxious about hitting up some yard sales because I'm hoping to score some wedding decor there, too. for whatever reason, I've got mason jars on the brain. since we're getting married outside in the country, to me a mason jar just screams "out-door country wedding!" so....I'll be on the hunt for those. I'd like to find all kinds of shapes and sizes and colors and arrange them for centerpieces - still dont' know what I want to put in them, but it's an idea I'm running with at the moment...

my brain runs at about 102 mph these days - there's always somewhere to go, something to do, someone to talk to...it's insane! life is a crazy hectic mess, but I'm loving it. I'm also looking forward to those long, warm summer days & nights when I can just kick back on the front porch, watch the fireflys & just "be"......god, I can't wait for warm weather!

peace.

it's pretty crazy

how people who never talk to you suddenly come running out of the woodworks as soon as you have some bad news...

that old saying "misery loves company" is all too true. good old friends who you haven't seen in over a year will suddenly pop up & be all chatty when they hear you're going through some hard times. the juicier the gossip, the more pain you're in - the more attention you will get.

that's something someone should've told me a long time ago - I can remember being at 4-H camp one summer, and there was this older (maybe 14 or 15/) girl in our room who had herself a little 4-H boyfriend. they were like the Zach & Kelly of 4-H camp: perfect, cute, older, and seemingly dangerous - after all, they did sneak out at night to see each other: scandalous!!! anyways, during this 5-day camp they managed to hook-up and break-up about 97 times - and every time they broke-up, all the other girls in our cabin would crowd around this Kelly girl & listen to her cry and whine about losing the "love of her life". it just befuddled me! who cares? she'll hook back up with him at lunch! why does anyone care?

I learned a valuable lesson that summer, and I didn't even fully realize it; everyone loves to see someone who's far worse off than they are. no one wants to think they're the low man on the totum pole. we all need to have someone underneath us to pity and pat on the back & say "you're going to be just fine". we have to have that - or else we feel less okay about our own lives. why do you think so many people turn out for funerals? we all have this inner desire to look down on a dead person & think to ourselves: "thank god it isn't me". & someday, when we're dead and gone, someone will look down upon our dead, cold bodies and say "at least my number's not up yet!" - it's a sick fact & you're probably sitting there going "ew. that's just wrong." but THINK ABOUT IT.

how many times have you been to a family member's funeral & you think "who are all these people?" most of us just chalk it up to the fact that it's old people - people that our relatives probably knew from way back when. well, it's not - it's people coming to gloat about still being alive. & they're not gloating in a mean, spiteful way; they probably don't even realize they're gloating. and whether or not you'll admit it to yourself, you've been in that situation. any time you've said "I can't imagine going through that" or "I feel so bad for her" you're taking part in that whole little scenario. while you're feeling bad for someone, you're also feeling better about yourself. it's life people - it's okay.

so the next time you think you've re-visiting old friends who really know you & are looking out for you in times of need, just pause & ask yourself: are they coming back into your life for the right reasons? or are they just making themselves feel better by putting you down? think about it.

peace.

ugly days

don't you hate it when you have those ugly days? today is definitely an ugly day for me - yesterday was a pretty day. my hair looked pretty good...it's finally getting long again & since I'm getting married soon, I'm letting it grow. but you can mark my words, after that wedding - it'll be gone once again! but anyways, this morning my hair is flat & crappy - my face is puffy & I just feel awful. it doesn't really help that "george" is in town, either....oh the joys of womanhood.

but such is life - I just wish this ugly day could've happened on the weekend when I don't have to act nice and happy to people coming in and out of the office. I just want to scream at them as they come in the door: "I see you looking at my ugly hair! Go away!" but alas, I can't. thank god there's only one closing today & then other than the mail lady, the coast should be clear.

oh, and on another note, I made cupcakes last night (with sprinkles!) and only had one swirl around the bowl - I didn't gorge. Sidney, however, had about 10 spoonfuls - that's probably the reason she was running around the house at 10:30 speaking her cute gibberish AS LOUD AS SHE POSSIBLY COULD. I thought mom was going to hang her up by her toes - she was a wee bit annoying ;) but that's my girl...she never has an ugly day!

officially depressed

justin called me earlier & told me he's been transferred. that means he'll be working Fri-Sun on 13 hour shifts.

basically, I'm never going to see him on weekends & the only time we'll see each other during the week is after 6:00. this officially SUCKS.

it's almost as bad as when Sidney was born & he was on night-shift. at least then, I could see him on the weekends.

I'm feeling sad. it's a bad way to end this hump day.

thinking...

some people deserve each other.

if you willingly go back to someone who you know will only let you down, who you know doesn't want to change, who you know doesn't really care about you as a person but merely for your name - if you know all these things about someone & you still go back to them, then you absolutely 100% deserve every inch of heartbreak & headache that they give to you.

you're old enough to know better. I'm washing my hands of the whole freaking thing.

nothing better in the world...

than snuggling. or cuddling. or canoodling - whatever you call it.

last night, justin stayed at the house since the snow/roads were so bad. at his dad's house, he sleeps on this 100+ year old bed (I'm not joking) & so the mattress is like sleeping on a giant piece of ply-wood. it's awful for him; me, I could sleep on anything and be comfortable - it's a gift.

the point I'm trying to make here, is that every time Justin stays the night at our house, he goes to sleep about 8:00 because he likes sleeping on my mushy-pillow top mattress. & somehow I find it annoying and cute all at the same time. I get so mad at him for falling asleep like a 60 year old man & yet, he's just so darn cute when he's quiet and asleep....he looks peaceful & nice like that. it's amazing that a lot of things Justin does I can find annoying and sweet; it's some kind of charm he has over me, I guess.

anyways, he fell asleep as he always does, & I took care of all his crap just like a little wifey...I hate the thought of turning into a holly-homemaker, but at the same, I'm not not going to do something for him just to stand up for my feminist ways...it's confusing, I know. but I took care of his laundry & boots - and laid out his stuff for this morning, as if he were 10 years old again. I put Sidney to bed around 9:oo & finally laid down myself around 10:00. I told him to stay on his side of the bed & leave me alone because I had taken care of his chores for him & now I wanted to watch a little of "Stardust" before I fell asleep. and what does he do?

he decides that's the perfect opportunity to go all casanova on me & curl up around me. sheesh - men never do what you want them to do unless it's when you don't want them to do it! so, of course, I couldn't just shrug him off; after all, he was being nice. I turned off the TV and let him cuddle, thinking it'd be nice to fall asleep like this, talking about stuff in the dark - just being with each other.....and thirty seconds into our snuggle session, I hear big, honking snores right in my right ear. so much for my romeo!

needless to say, I flopped his big arm back on his side of the bed & turned "Stardust" back on. it was the perfect ending to the day :)

movie of the moment

so right now, I'm into this movie:



starring: Sienne Miller as Edie Sedgwick, Guy Pearce as Andy Warhol & Hayden Christensen as Danny Quinn (a character meant to mirror Bob Dylan).

the story is that of Edie, a rich socialite with nothing much to do with her life; so she moves to NYC, meets Andy Warhol & starts hanging out at "The Factory", Warhol's loft. Andy is captivated with Edie's spirit & beauty - he decides to turn her into his very own "Superstar". they make movies together, party together & basically run amuck in NYC together being creative genuises. but when Edie meets Danny - things change. she is able to love Danny in a way that Andy will not let her; and when she chooses Andy over Danny, her life is forever changed.

this is a compelling, vibrant, sad story of a young woman who became an icon to generations of people; her story is one of mixed emotions and complexity. her life was over far too quickly; but she left behind a colorful and unique story for others to remember her by.

if you haven't seen "Factory Girl", you really should. it's not a movie for everyone & it's definitely not a movie for the family - but it's a good movie. & it's my movie of the moment.

be proud: be very proud.

today is my 2nd day of no-caffiene :)

technically, I haven't given up the sugars because I've been chugging sprite! but it has 130 calories as compared to 170 calories of mountain dew (can). so....that's something, right?

I'm not dieting, I'm just giving up some of my vices. soon to be on the list are:

cupcakes, red meat, alfredo & excess cheese.

this means that when I bake, I can no longer sample the mix, the frosting or the extra cupcakes. & it means that instead of ordering a typical 12 oz. medium-rare hunk of meat, I'm going to go with a 6 or 8 oz. one (still medium-rare though...come on!) and alfredo, which is a key ingredient in one my all-time favorite foods is horribly bad for me, so I've got to cut down on the pastas. and finally: excess cheese, the one thing that makes any great dish greater....I have to scale down. it's clogging up my arteries and killing me.

if I can conquer those 5 things, the next hurdle I'm going to tackle is the devil himself: SALT.

dear god - this'll be uglier than me trying to break Sidney from her paci...indeed it will.

peace.

just gross.

all I can say is last night was one of the most disgusting nights of my entire life.

it involved my child, that never-ending-pooping puppy & a TON of toothpaste.

I think you can figure out the rest....

are you sure you want kids?? I mean really: think long & hard about it - because nights like last night are the perfect example of why some people never reproduce.

go me!

just ordered our "save-the-date" cards!! :)

feels like there might be a wedding after all...even though I'm totally starting to see why people elope: it's definitely the easy way out!

a very happy-thanks to tiffany for linking that awesome site!



plus the fact that one of my recent etsy orders arrived today + and I bought a gorgeous potential-easter dress for sidney + and the weather is being nice enough to hold off until I get home....it's making for one very, very, very good monday!

feeling a wee guilty...

sometimes, when Sidney cries...I laugh.
yeah, I know - right off the bat, you're thinking: "what kind of mom can laugh at their child's tears?" well, you know what - if you're sitting there saying that then you obviously don't have children!

when Sidney was a baby, she'd cry for all the right reasons...like something was wrong: she was hungry, she was wet, she had gas, whatever. she didn't just cry to be crying. well, as these months have rolled on, she's learned to "cry" whenever life does not go exactly her way. and sometimes it's just too freaking funny.

take for example: the other night, we're sitting in the living room & she starts going "num-num" which is the universal sound for food. so this is how our convo. goes.....

sidney: "num-num?"
me: "what do you want?"
sidney: "num-num. num-num."
me: "you want jello?"
sidney: "num-num. num-num!"
me: "you want a drink?"
sidney: "num-num! num-NUM!"
me: "you want a waffle? chicken? what?"
sidney: "NUM-NUM! NUM-NUM!"
me: "I don't know what you WANT!!!"
sidney: "NUMMMM-NUMMMM!!!!!!!!"

& then the tears they come a'pouring...as if I had completely missed what she was telling me. how could I be so stupid? obviously, she wanted some damn NUM-NUM! duh, mom! it's moments like that when I just laugh - it's funny. I know, maybe I shouldn't, but she just gets so bent out of shape because two little noises are not clear enough to get her message across. but then sometimes, I feel kind of bad for her: she's sitting there talking to me plain as day in her baby-talk & I have no clue what she's saying.

it's like someone just dropped me off in downtown Bangkok & I obviously do not speak the language or know the customs - I am a total stranger in this land. and we both try so hard to understand each other, that typically either Sidney or I, or both, get so mad we just can't deal with each other. I'm sure that I'll get to repeat this lovely process of screaming and crying and not speaking the same language in oh, let's say about..............14 years? maybe less?

god help us all.

yo gabba gabba

such a good weekend...I asked for a good weekend, and I got a good weekend. it's so much easier to smile on monday morning when you've had a weekend like the one I had :) bad weekends set you up for a bad week in my opinion. it's always nice to end the whole 7-day week on a happy note (and I did just that snuggling with my love last night). here's a funny tidbit I wanted to remember from last night.

Sidney went to sleep around 10:00 - Justin & I stayed up til 11:00 watching our favorite show "Family Guy" & then we went to bed. his dad & Lila got home around 11:30 or so...well, I just knew they'd be loud coming in the house, wake up Sidney & all hell would break loose for me for the rest of the night. so Justin's laying there - we'd been talking about something - and I hear his dad go in. so this is how our conversation ended.

justin: "...so what'd you think?"
me: "shhhhhhhhhh"
justin: "shutup"

he always tells me to "shutup" when I'm the one who's "shushing" him! it kills me & cracks me up at the same time :) it's just another one of those odd quirks in a relationship that no one understands but is extremely funny on the inside...

so who is mad about the superbowl? I have to admit, I like the steelers more (only because I've never payed any attention to the cardinals) and so out of normalcy I was rooting for them. but a the game went on, my heart started tugging for the under-dog! & I thought they had it, too...but alas, victory was not theirs. let's hope it doesn't take another 60 years for them to make it back to a championship game! I also had to wonder, what happens to all the stuff the NFL makes just in case the other team wins? like hats & shirts; they have to have a good amount of that stuff already produced just in case...so where does it go? just a question....

& even though his birthday was this past saturday I have to say "happy bday eric"! he & his wonderful buddies were nice enough to let dobby & me tag along saturday night for the birthday celebrations....it was FUN. :) that's all I have to say about that....

here's to another good week of working ya'll....let's hope this coming weekend will be even better!:)

peace.