a random, half-assed, patriotic excuse for a blog post.

Did I fall off the face of the earth or what? I went two whole days without blogging! Say that part real slow as you sort of shout, as if you were in a cave: twooooo whoooole dayssss!!! Kind of not like me. And kind of silly. And totally uninteresting, I know. Such is my life.

I've been crazy, super, beyond belief busy at work, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is blog. Sorry, little ole gal, that's just life. I've neglected my house. I've neglected myself. I've neglected the blog. Such is my life.

The weekend is here finally, and I'm sure you've all got big fun plans for your Memorial Day weekend. Me? I'll be spending time by the lake, hopefully swimming and lounging, and basically a whole lot of nothing. And in the front and back of my mind, I'll be remembering those who make this weekend and every day of my life possible. Those men and women in uniform, both past and present, who do so much and have done and will continue to do. You make and have made this nation great, even in times of woe, and you are the reason we are all alive and free today.

So yes, I know the reason for the season, as they say. I hope you do, too.

And I guess that's about it. I've got nothing to say after two whole day of saying nothing. Twooooo whoooole daysssss! *snicker* And I'm going to have a good weekend, so help me god. I hope you do, too.


*On a random and unrelated sidenote: I'm watching Public Enemies as I type this - and let me just say, Johnny Depp with a southern accent is HOT. Like dayum hot. That is all - I've got to go beat my dogs for barking at the wind. And the cows. And anything that exists.*

*I don't really beat my dogs, promise. Not real hard, anyways.*

honorable mention

I'm always excited to promote local bloggers, people I actually know and like. I'm even more excited when those bloggers are part of my family!

One of my loveliest cousins has started her own blog, full of money-saving tips for everyday shoppers - especially those with kids!

So check out her new blog, The Honey Pot, and say "hi"! She's got all kinds of great links to coupons and inside deals you may not be aware of. If you're looking to save a little money and be a savvy shopper, Spring will definitely help you out!

that new baby smell

I had forgotten what it's like to hold a baby that weighs less than 10 or 9 or 8 or 7 pounds. My newest little cousin, Kylie Morgan, was born yesterday. And she's tiny! 6 lbs and 9 oz of tiny!

Was Sidney ever this little? Technically, no. She was 7 lbs flat - but still, it doesn't feel like she was EVER anywhere near that little.

Kylie seems so tiny - and so fragile. AND SO TINY.

I have no proper pictures because like a total ditz, I left my camera home this morning. But I will have good newborn shots of her by the end of the week, so help me.

I can't wait for Sidney to meet this little gal - it's so nice knowing that she has cousins who will be close to her in age. Sidney's been very excited about this baby for quite some time now, so I know already they'll be close.

Holding Kylie earlier today was a trip, seriously. It made my baby-making parts tingle. All those emotions come rolling back in, and I was day-dreaming about baby #2 the entire drive home. Babies on the brain!

For now, I'm just glad to have Kylie to borrow and snuggle - and then hand back when she starts crying and pooping everywhere!

place holder

I'm kind of busy today!

So here's the link to my photography blog - I put up some new stuff over the past few days, including the very awesome maternity series I've been doing now for a few weeks.

I also blogged all weekend, so go back and make sure you read the posts I put up on Saturday and Sunday.

Next up, look for pictures of my newest cousin, Kylie Morgan, who was born just a few hours ago! Hopefully I'll get to stop by the hospital on my home tomorrow evening to snap some good shots. And, if Justin & Raysha are willing, they'll let me do my first-ever newborn shoot later in the week!

So click the link, go back and read, and say congratulations to my cousin Justin, his lady Raysha, and their new baby girl.

a sappy one for the husband

He's been gone all weekend. But now he's home. And I can finally sleep in our bed again. Because without him here, it isn't the same. When he's gone, and Sidney's gone - I just can't stand to be in there alone. I let the dogs sleep in the house Friday and Saturday night, even though I know he hates it, because I couldn't be here by myself, in our house alone.

The weekend was fun, don't get me wrong. Sidney had fun. I got to hang with Mom and Peanut on the lake Saturday which was wonderful. We had a blast - and I had a good relaxing time. Movies and staying up late and sleeping in. Hang time with friends and family. Perfect weather. It was a fantastic weekend.

But I'm glad he's back home. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow when the three of us can all snuggle up in our bed for the first time in almost a week. I've missed him. And I've missed our little nighttime set-up. I didn't realize how much I would miss him, how much I do miss him when he's gone.

But now I know. And now that I know, I hope I don't ever have to know what more than a few days without him would be like.

Paranormal Activity

I haven't done a movie review in awhile, but I want to review this one: Paranormal Activity.

Have you seen it? It was first released in 2007 to very few audiences and theaters. Then in 2009 it was released again and again, it was only released to a few select theaters. But by word of mouth and the power of the internet, people were able to demand the movie and eventually, it hit theaters everywhere. This movie is incredibly successful. It was made with a budget of 15,000-20,000 dollars and has since earned over 100 million dollers. CRAZY! I mean, think about it. The numbers are astonishing.

And this movie works - it is scary because it's based on the simple fear we all have, the fear we feel as children and adults. The fear of the unknown, the bumps in the night, the scary dark corners of our houses and rooms. There is no music in the film, no forewarning of when scary moments are to come. There are very few special effects and they are so minimal, that the entire movie feels real. And for a long time, a lot of people thought it was real (much like the Blair Witch Project). This movie is great, in the sense that it was made on a modest budget with a simple idea. And like I said, it just works.

If you believed in this kind of thing, then it's ten times scarier. It could happen to anyone. It could happen at any time. Any and every noise in your house could start to terrify you. It's a scary freaking concept.

I watched this movie twice, back to back. The first time I was a little freaked out, I'll admit. I took advantage of watching it at home, and hit my mute button a few times. The second time, I watched. I listened. And not just on low volume, I turned it up to experience the full effect. Because that's an important part of this movie. You have to rely on your ears sometimes more than your eyes. If you just try to "watch" and not "listen" you'll miss out. I'm guilty of not watching and not listening to movies sometimes, but trust me, you just need to keep your ears and eyes open.

The end is the creepiest part of this movie, as it should be with all scary movies. They shouldn't peak in the middle and then platuea out towards the end. The suspense is built perfectly in this movie, with most things happening at night and most things happening in the dark. But the last thirty minutes or so really get to you. They push you mentally, and then it's over abruptly and you don't have any time to calm yourself down. It's exhilirating.

There are of course a dozen or more deleted scenes, different endings, alternate viewings. And this makes for all the more interesting movie-watching. I'm always hunting down parts I missed or endings I haven't seen. They were able to shoot all sorts of different things in the two years between it's first and final release. And so there's all sorts of goodies on the internet waiting for you if you really get into this movie.

Now, if you haven't seen this movie and I've ruined something, I'm sorry. But surely to goodness, if you wanted to see it and you haven't by now, then that's not my fault.

I was totally delighted to learn, through a little research this weekend, that the actors from this movie, Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat, are actually a couple in real life. You can find them on twitter @katiedianne and @micahsloat - very cool stuff. They're both really passionate about this movie, and I think I love the movie even more seeing how much time, work, and love they put into this film.

It's a classic horror movie, one I could watch over and over again, and still get freaked out every single time. Have you seen Paranormal Activity? You should, it's a good and scary one. However, I don't recommend watching it alone. I had to let the dogs in to sleep with me Friday night. Being home alone with this movie will seriously freak you out!

enigma

I listened to this before I knew what yoga was. Before I knew what chanting was. Before I knew what innocence was and what it means to lose it.

I watched this video over and over again, everytime VH1 played it, never really knowing what it was. I remember just loving the unicorn and the fact that everything was going backwards.

I love this song, still. Days and months and years later - I love this song. Now that I know what yoga is. Now that I know what chanting is. Now that I know what innocence is and what it means to lose it.

the best of both worlds

I tell her all the time, "you're beautiful".

I hold her face in my hands. I tuck those curls behind her ears. I push back her bangs. I look at that little face. I stare into those blue eyes I know so well, the same eyes I see in the mirror and when I look at my mother. Three shades of blue, all connected.

I whisper. I scream. I say over and over, "you are so beautiful".

And usually she says "uh-huh". Maybe a "thank you".

So then I say "you're smart".

I listen to her words. I hear her voice repeating the things I say, asking questions about everything, learning and learning and growing more every day in both body and mind. I watch her read books, the same books I read as a child. She flips through the pages, and without being able to read the words, she spins her own stories.

I whisper. I scream. I say over and over, "you are so smart".

And she usually says "uh-huh". Maybe a "thank you".



She is so beautiful. She is so smart. She is so sure of herself, already.

My child, my pride and joy. The greatest achievement of my life. I hope she's able to capture the best of both worlds. I hope she can be the beauty and the brain.

I hope somewhere along the way, she learns a little graciousness. Usually. Uh-Huh. Maybe. Thank you.

love is still alive

Romeos do exist.
Fantasy can come true.
Romance is possible every day.

sky-gazers, cloud-watchers, dreamers

We watch the clouds, zooming past each other, then slowing down to a stop. The tortoise and the hare in the sky.

We see space-ships and animals, mountains and fairies. We point fingers up in the great big blue and giggle and laugh and our bellies shake together and apart.

We squint our eyes and take turns looking through black sunglasses. We pretend. We play. We live together in a moment.



Then the moment's gone and the clouds have parted. And there's no more space-ships or fairies to trace along the sky. Eyes are closed and bellies stop shaking. Time to move on, to the next adventure. The next game of play. The next moment of life together.

Joe 16

This is my 516th post.

Today is 05.16.2010. That means it's been one month and 12 days since Joe passed away.

It still seems so surreal. I caught a glimpse of a man in the grocery store the other day, and thought for a moment it was him. Then I remembered. And then I cried standing next to the frozen food section.

Last Thursday night I had a dream about him. It was one of those third-party dreams where you watch yourself but have no control over what's going on. I was watching myself watch a video of Joe and Sarah, another friend from high school, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I spent the entire dream trying to isolate their voices, blocking out the wind and the distance and whatever else was hindering my listening capabilities.

Finally, right before I woke up, I heard his voice. I heard Joe's voice for the first time in over a month, in my sleep, right around 5AM. He was proposing to Sarah in the dream, which seems comical and bittersweet seeing as how they were best friends in real life, band buddies but deeper than that still.

I'm pretty sure I woke up crying. Or maybe I was sweating. Either way, it was a startling way to start the day and I spent the rest of Friday trying to hear him again in my head. It never happened.

More and more days pass by where I find myself thinking about him without tearing up. I want to go visit his grave. I meant to go on his birthday. I still think about his family, still try to send whatever vibes of love and remorse I can their way. It's still hard to grasp, that he's gone. That he's not coming back home for the summer.

School will be over soon for big and little kids alike. I still expect to see his little gray car zooming down the road. I want to see him again. I want to be able to bump into him at the grocery store or at the park or at a football game. I want to sit down with him again and talk, just talk about anything and everything. It's never going to happen. Never again.

And that's the hardest part. Knowing that the only times I'll talk to him will be in my sleep, in those dreams that come and go, where I have no control over the time, the movies playing out in my head. I hope it doesn't take another month for me to see or hear him again. I hope the dreams come sooner than that.

Because the days in between the dreams seem to be ticking by slower and slower than ever.

blue on black weekend

Can you guess what I'll be doing this weekend? You can't guess?

Lots of cleaning. And listening to this:


Minus the cleaning part, it should be a very relaxing weekend. Justin's going out of town Saturday night, Sidney is staying with Mom, and I might go hang out with Dobby tonight.

Yes, please.

happy birthday, butch

Today is Cassie's 22nd birthday - so she has to have her own blog post. DUH.

I mean, this is my butch we're talking about here. The one that stayed up late with me during my only semester at a *real* college (if ALC can be considered a real college). We made a million crazy, embarassing, but still very funny videos. We ate junk food. We skipped class. WE NEVER LEFT OUR DORM ROOM! Seriously, you think I'm kidding. I'm not. The only time I left the room was to hike down about 10 flights of stairs to go poop in the gym's bathroom because I just couldn't do my business in the dorm's stalls. Yes, I have a bathroom problem. I'm aware of it, thank you very much.

Here's one of our least embarassing videos:

A Night in the LiFE

MOMMARUTH

MySpace Video

 

See? You might be asking yourself - "what's so funny?" but that's just how we are. It's not really funny, in real life. But to us, there's always an inside joke - something making us laugh at nothing. Isn't that what friendships are all about?

 

Cassie is beautiful, obviously. But she's smart - and strong. And incredibly family-oriented. I consider her and Dobby my sisters, seeing as how I have no siblings anyway. But we're close, tight as sisters ever thought about being.

 
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY Cassie Jane - I wish I was there to celebrate with you the whole day through!

un-photogenic

It's ridiculously hard to get the three of us together, looking in one direction, smiling for a picture.

But nevertheless, here we are:

(thanks to Fanny for the shot)

We've got some real family portraits coming up soon, and I'm just praying to the baby Jesus that we'll look decent, Sidney will cooperate, and after a couple of hours of picture-taking we might get *one* good shot. If that happens, it'll be a miracle.

So I'm looking for a miracle here.

small town, usa

This post is being re-posted because I was lucky enough to be featured on Blogtrotting! Go over here to see the article - thank you Blogtrotting!

I live in a town that's still so small we only have one red-light. There are no traffic cameras. There are no daily fender-benders, cars honking their horns or people getting swide-swiped by vehicles while crossing the road.

There are two gas stations. Two fast-food places to eat. One grocery store. Two banks. One pizza joint. One primary school. One Dollar General store. One motel. One factory. One main drag of highway. And a million little white churches.

This place, nestled in the mountains in southwest Virginia, is my home. The only home I'll ever need to know and love. I've day-dreamt my life away before, imagining other places I could go and live. But at the end of the day, when the fantasies fade away, this is the only place I want to be.

I know it's a little backwards. I know it's a little slow. I know that culturally, we're a little behind some other parts of the world. But this place is a bubble, and so I take the good with the bad. When my child gets old enough, she can go play outside in the yard, run in the woods, climb mountains if she wants to. She can swing from trees and get her feet wet in creeks. She can float down rivers. She can do whatever she wants here.

We have four distinct seasons. A hot, humid summer. A cold, snowy winter. A rainy spring. And my favorite, a crisp fall. I love the air here, the smells, the feeling of the wind at all different times of the year. There is nothing about my hometown that I would change. Not the people, the sights, the speed of life. I love it all.

And it is here, that I want to raise my children. Build my home. Bury my body. I never want to leave, regardless of what others might say about this little dot on the map. I am at home here, in my hometown. I carry it with me when I leave. And I treasure it forever more every time I return.

This is my home. My little town in the mountains. My great valley.

an end in sight

After five long months of living off unemployment checks, ceaseless phone calls to every job ad out there, days ticking by with no end in sight, bank accounts in the red, dinners of bologna and hotdogs, waiting and waiting and waiting and hoping.....

Justin finally got his job back today.

We are so thankful. So very thankful. We were lucky enough to have amazing parents who took care of us and Sidney when we couldn't do it for ourselves. We are both so grateful to the people who have supported us, helped us and seen us through.

Who knows how long this job will last. The point is, for now he has a job. And we've learned to take things one day at a time in this house, in these hard times. So for today we're smiling, feeling blessed and lucky and grateful. And we know how hard it is, we realize that there are millions of other people all across the world still feeling the sting of this economy we all live in. It's hard, for all of us, but it will get better. I promise you, it will get better. Someday.

I know Justin is one happy boy right now. He's thankful to have a job, even though he's a little sad he won't get to spend every day with Sidney anymore. That's the biggest hurdle right now, figuring out who's going to keep the SidMonster. But we'll work that out.

I knew today's giddy feeling had to come from somewhere. Call it intuition. I just knew today was going to be a good one.

life's too short for me to stop

Do you ever wake up in a good mood? When the day just feels light and your heart is all fluttery and you can't explain why?

I'm in that kind of mood today. Something within me just feels alive and amazing and bubbly. And I don't want to jinx it, so that's all I'm going to say about that.

Tomorrow I'll be re-posting my little diddy about my hometown for BlogTrotting, so look for that again. And now for your listening pleasure:


Get to feeling giddy today, why don't you.

mother's day

The number one reason I love the second Sunday of the fifth month of the year.

This little two years, 8 month old girl. I mean, seriously. How could you NOT love her to pieces?

Happy Mother's Day to all the current Moms, would be Moms, old Moms, new Moms, animal Moms, and Moms of Moms.

madonna is alive and well in our house today

Don't go for second best baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know, you've got to
Make him express how he feels
And maybe then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings
Or eighteen karat gold
Fancy cars that go very fast
You know they never last, no, no
What you need is a big strong hand
To lift you to your higher ground
Make you feel like a queen on a throne
Make him love you till you can't come down

Long stem roses are the way to your heart
But he needs to start with your head
Satin sheets are very romantic
What happens when you're not in bed
You deserve the best in life
So if the time isn't right then move on
Second best is never enough
You'll do much better baby on your own

And when you're gone he might regret it
Think about the love he once had
Try to carry on, but he just won't get it
He'll be back on his knees

Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
Express himself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
So if you want it right now, make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not
Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
So you can respect yourself
Hey, hey
So if you want it right now, then make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not

*I've always loved this song, as a kid it was great to dance around to. But now it's different, it means something different. And I love it even more now than I did before.*

you can get me a turtleburger for mother's day

Because, yes, I think these look crazy and delicious. And my arteries are clogging just from licking the computer screen.

Spotted here.

walking the walk

I've been walking. One foot in front of the other. Usually at my own pace, a little slower than some with small steps to match my short legs.
In the evening with my husband or a friend. In the mornings by myself with only the dogs watching me from the porch. Up and down the road, back and forth. It's quiet. It's warm. I can think and feel and breathe.

My legs ache and my feet buzz. But the rush is there, just enough to flush my cheeks and make my heart beat a little faster. The moments are quick and slow, the time is my own. I can hear my words in my head as I go over everything in life I want to ponder.

Things become clearer. Every step takes me closer to my goal, my moment of total satisfaction. I keep getting the feeling I'm doing the right thing. I'm on the right path. I don't know what's ahead of me, and so I keep walking. Forward. Onward. Closer and closer to the finish line, wherever it may be. Whenever it may come.

(source)

Some people like to run. I like to walk.

a little inspiration in the form of a blog award

Jay (you know the mocha beanie mummy and the ever fabulous @cosmicgirlie)has given me some direction today. Instead of relying on words, she's allowed me to focus on photography and my pictures. Which I think is pretty darn sweet of her.

She's put her own little twist on the ever-popular sunshine/creative blogger award:

The rules?

1. You must thank the person who has given you the award. (THANKS JAY!)
2. Copy the logo and paste on your blog. (see above)
3. Link to the person who has nominated you for the award. (click Jay's name anywhere in this post)
4. Name 7 things post 7 pictures that are interesting about yourself. (here's where Jay took a little creative license and switched up the game)
5. Nominate 7 other creative bloggers. (see below)
6. Post links to the 7 other bloggers you nominate. (just click below)
7. Let the nominated bloggers know they've been tagged.

So let the photo sharing begin. Here's seven interesting photos either of me or taken by me that I love to look at.

#1 - This is my sister-in-law LeAnna, whom we affectionately call Fanny. This was on her wedding day back in June of 2007. I always have a knack for catching Fanny at the "perfect" bad moments. This is the one and only photo from her wedding day where she looked like a bridezilla. She was one of the most serene and most beautiful brides I've ever seen, and her wedding was technically the first I ever got to take pictures at from a more "professional" point of view.

#2 - This picture was also taken back in 2007, about a month before I had Sidney. We were on the front porch of my Mom's house at my baby-shower when Dobby decided to snap our picture. And it's one of my absolute favorites of me and my best friends in the world. These gals are graduating this month, Dobby with a Master's and Cassie with a Bachelor's (both in Education) and I am so incredibly proud of them and honored to call them my friends.

#3 - This amazing gal is, of course, Sidney Morgan on her birthday September 5th. She came out looking like my identical twin at birth, just as I had tried to tell everyone for the past three months of my pregnancy. From the first time we saw her face on the 4D ultrasound, I knew she was the spitting image of no one but me. Of course, now she looks like her father's twin but that's okay. I'll always have these infant pictures showing how for a small period of time, she looked just like me.

#4 - This is Sidney and Pocahontas, summer 2008, out in Williamsburg, VA. We were visiting my Dad and step-mom and they took us around to lots of old, colonial parts of the city. I love this photo, even though I can't pinpoint why exactly. Maybe it's the fact that Sidney seems so tiny next to such a statuesque figure. Maybe it's the way she's delicately touching Pocahontas with an underlying sense of recognition. Whatever it is, I really love this picture.

#5 - Dobby and Dustin let me take their photos last summer and it was pretty amazing, I have to say. I have a lot of favorites from our photo-shoot but this one is definitely my number one. I love everything about this photo: the colors, the sweetness, the way it's not perfectly centered, the smooshed faces. My photography is never picture-perfect by a lot of typical standards, but I think it's the imperfections that make my photos special. And this photo to me is nothing if not special (just like those two crazy kids)!

#6 - I tweaked and edited this photo with Poladroid, but I can't find the original so this will do nicely. I snapped this sign at a local Wal-Mart and spent the rest of the day cracking up about it. It was just a funny moment, a silly sign, and a photo I took with the camera on my phone. But I love this picture. So very freaking much.

#7 - I took this photo in the woods right in front of our house, and I have to say, this photo gives me such peace. Such inspiration. I can hear the noises and feel the sunshine on my hands. It was just a simple click, a situation where I happened to look up and decide the sun was just as worthy to shoot as the trees and creek and wildlife surrounding me.


So there you have it. Seven of the thousands of photos I've taken over my lifetime. It wasn't easy to pick, so I just went with my gut reaction. And now for those of you I want to tag.

Brandy at You Don't Know
Samantha at Apple Juce & Milk
Megan at Infertile Myrtle
Jessica at The Doe or the Deer
Janelle at Days of Five Lives
Heather at Bitchcakes
Charon at Surrounded-by-Boys     

Good luck, gals.

today there are no words

I keep opening my mouth to hear nothing.

I keep opening my eyes to see nothing.

I keep putting my fingers to the keyboard to type nothing.

I keep putting pen to paper to write nothing.

I keep searching my brain to find nothing.

I keep searching my soul to find something.

There is something within me, words wanting to come out. Emotions needing to be expressed. I have things I need to say, feelings to convey. Within me lies something great and terrible, frightening and empowering.

If only I could get the feeling to come out. If only I could put something out there, anything - to show that I am alive and I have feelings and I want to get them out. Today there's nothing.

Maybe tomorrow will be different.

the days are for Sidney

Sidney got a new swing set this weekend...


And whether or not she looks it, she really was excited

I promise.

It's been a heck of a weekend. But my girl makes it all better.

She makes everything better.