Halloween//TBT

It's Halloween!

And it's Throwback Thursday!

So let's just combine the two and look at some photos of Halloween celebrations gone by....

2006-2012

Halloween (especially with kids involved!) feels a bit like a marathon workout -- there's the running of the children, the corralling of the candy, the constant checking and head-counting and making sure to keep an eye out for all the other dozens of trick-of-treaters running amuck (amuck! amuck! amuck!) -- seriously, it's a workout!

But just like most other things in life, having kids to celebrate holidays with makes them 1,000x more enjoyable (in my opinion!) I love being on the parent side of the equation, and it's awesome making memories with my own family :)

This year, I'm really really really hoping the weather cooperates just long enough for us to get our trick-or-treating done -- the weather was absolutely beautiful in the days leading up to Halloween today, why can't we just have a few more hours of that sweetness before the rain gets here? Pretty please and thank you!

Look for another round of costume pictures tomorrow!

The Crazy Side of My Brain

Can we talk for a minute? I've got some hair-brained thoughts bouncing around in my head right now, and while I know I'm being the most irrational thinker ever, I think it's worth discussing -- maybe you feel like this sometimes, too? Maybe you have experienced or are experiencing crazy brain (whether pregnancy related or not!) like me? 

Good, let's chat.

Let me start off by saying, my pregnant brain is one jealous bitch!!

My husband probably wouldn't want me talking about this, but only because it further perpetuates the idea that I'm psycho -- I'm sure he has enough of a time as it is explaining to others, "please just excuse my wife at the moment, she's kind of pregnant and kind of impossible" :)

With my first pregnancy, I was young and dumb enough as it were, but there was something about the chemical and hormonal imbalance that just drove me over the edge. Justin could be ten seconds late showing up somewhere, and I was instantly convinced he was CHEATING! LIAR! 

Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman convinced her baby's daddy is an unfaithful liar! 

Of course, I feel pretty bad about the whole thing now -- I put Justin through a lot that first pregnancy and made things even harder than they had to be. I was a big pain in the ass, and I know it. And luckily, with the next two pregnancies that followed, I didn't really have any of those lingering insane thoughts. My levels must've been more on the balanced side, and I didn't spend a lot of time internally reminding myself that I'm married to a good man, a man that doesn't stray, a man that can be a few minutes late home from work and it doesn't have to equal him poking every pocket between here and there. 

With this pregnancy? The crazy lady has returned. Full force. 

I know he's not cheating. Well, I guess technically you never really know if a person is cheating or not -- but I honestly don't worry about my husband cheating. The perfectly rational side of me knows I have a good husband, a faithful man by my side who loves me and isn't going to step out on me (or his family). Believe me, I know this. 

It's my psycho hose-beast of a pregnant brain that doesn't quite grasp that concept. Case in point: I bumped into my husband at the gas station in town and my inner monologue started screaming, "WHAT THE EFF IS HE DOING HERE?!" 

"Umm...he's getting gas? It is a gas station, after all."

"NO! THERE ARE FEMALES IN THIS VACINITY! HE'S CHEATING!"

"I'm pretty sure he's just paying for his gas but okay...."

"LOOK AT THAT GIRL! SHE'S A TOTAL SLUT! YOU KNOW HE'S CHEATING ON YOU WITH HER! HER OF ALL PEOPLE!"

"Hey, I like her! She was so sweet back in school..."

Do you see what my brain does? This is but a mere glimpse into my daily life -- seriously, my brain is so fucking weird sometimes, I need to be evaluated professionally. Studied, I need to be studied. I'm a therapist's best/worst dream. 

Anyone else have this problem? Do you struggle with your brain (pregnant or not) over completely irrational things like this? Please tell me I'm not alone when it comes to knowing better than the lies our brains try to tell us -- the really dumb, irrational, jealous-fueled lies! 

And for the record, my dear sweet husband was actually just buying some mozzarella sticks on his way home. 

OR SO HE SAID. 

TT #40

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Have you got your fill of Hocus Pocus yet?!?! Make sure to overdose this week, Halloween only comes once a year! 

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This would be my husband's luck -- seriously, he's the most unlucky guy in the world when it comes to certain things (and fishing, one of his many passions, is certainly one of them!)

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Amen, I already have to make 47 trips from the car->house carrying the kids and all their crap. One extra bag of anything throws off the whole equation!

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I don't know why this strikes me so funny -- it's probably 1,000x less funny than I give it credit for! But I. cannot. stop. laughing.

Currently

Halloween 2012

Loving: How excited Sidney is for Halloween -- she's finally got the whole spirit of Halloween down to a "T"! She loves the thought of dressing up and trick-or-treating. She has a little dance at school this week, and she's just been so into all things Halloween related. I love that she shares an appreciation for such a fun holiday with me :) 

Reading: "The Accursed" by Joyce Carol Oates -- it's been slow starting out, but I'm getting into it slowly but surely. I've been trying to carve out some time late in the evenings for a little "me" time with a bath and a book. It'll probably take me six months to finish this book (if I only read while bathing!) but it's enjoyable thus far. 

Watching: I've got three shows I'm following right now (thank goodness for the DVR!) and so far, they're all going really good! Sunday nights are for The Walking Dead (of course!) at 9pm and then Masters of Sex at 10pm -- two totally opposite shows but both are so, so good. I just happened into watching Masters of Sex, but so far, it's been really good! And of course, Wednesday nights belong to AHS: Coven -- I watched AHS: Murder House on Netflix in two days, and I still need to catch up on AHS: Asylum. I'm a big Ryan Murhpy fan, the man can do no wrong in my book! 

Eating: Blueberry shredded wheat cereal, blueberry bagels, blueberry cream cheese. These past couple of weeks have been nothing but blueberry! blueberry! blueberry! 

Anticipating: I know we haven't even technically made it to Halloween yet, but I am SO (recently) EXCITED for Christmas. Being on the parent side of the parent/child equation of Christmas is such a joy, it's hard not to be excited about such a magical time of year. The kids make Christmas the most wonderful time of the year, and while I refuse to wish time away and skip over these next two autumnal/winter holidays, I do look forward to Christmas with my family. 

Listening to: NPR -- who is this person I've become??

Working on: Mentally preparing for a fourth baby -- I feel like I just now got the hang of three kiddos (and I guess I really just did) so throwing a wrench into our routine feels like a bit of a looming cloud overhead. I know it'll work out, and I'll figure out my groove eventually, but when you're the parent responsible for the weekday morning routine (solo!) it can be intimidating. The kids and I do it 99% of the time -- we manage to get up and dressed and out the door on-time almost every single M-F morning, but I just don't know how we're going to do it with five of us. But, the show must go on -- c'est la vie! Bring it on! 

Wishing: The winter months weren't so dreary -- I've tried to teach myself that the winter months don't have to be so dreadful. Happiness and warmth and sunshine can come from within. I can surround myself in warm thoughts, scenes of summer, and things will instantly feel better. One of the greatest and warmest pictures I keep in my mind is soaking up the sun through closed eyes -- that wonderful, warm feeling of closing your eyes but "looking" up towards the sun. The light pours through your closed eyes and just envelopes your face and body -- it's the dreamiest, warmest summer memory I keep to get me through the cold, dark days of winter. 

Currently series inspired by Danielle.

Idling Thoughts

This is my 91st post this year - which is pretty pathetic compared to 2009 when I published a grand total of 279 blog posts. Ummm....I definitely don't think I'll be hitting that benchmark this year! For the most part, my post numbers have been declining steadily each year - and this year, they took a MAJOR drop. 

And that's okay. Life has been majorly busy this year, and if I'm being totally honest with myself, it's only going to get busier next year. And the year after that. I'm in this wonderful time of babies, and unfortunately, there have been a lot of things that have fallen by the wayside due to the demands having a family. 

I struggle almost daily with the guilt over being a terrible friend to my closest buddies. I rarely ever get to see them, fail miserably at calling or texting them, and pretty much just stink overall at being a friend. I want to be a good friend, and I hope my lady friends know I'm here for them even if I haven't been present every single day. 

I wish there were more hours in a day for time with my husband. Or even just time with my little family altogether. I wouldn't mind some "me" time, too. 

And we do carve out little spaces of time for these things. I'm not whining or complaining in the least, just recognizing that having a big family is demanding and time-consuming. I love it, I really truly do - things are always full and bustling and there's never a dull moment, it seems. In between the chaos, there are moments of peace + bliss, and I appreciate those moments 1,000x more than I ever did before there were three kids pulling at my pant-leg. 

This blog is precious to me - I love it dearly and hope to always have it be a placeholder in my life, a space for me to keep up with myself and my life. It's my online diary for the world to read, and while I don't share everything about my life, I share a great deal of it - a lot of things I would have forgotten about in natural time are preserved here forevermore. 

And while the stories may be fewer, and the spaces between those stories may get farther and farther apart, the point of it all is to keep writing, keep documenting the moments when I can. And knowing, I'll never regret one single post here, ever. 

What Southern girl doesn't relate to this? Our mommas (and especially our grand-mommas) definitely get a little shock and awe from how we handle things now vs then. 

I'm on a bit of a Miranda Lambert kick at the moment -- these two songs make me smile + cry respectively. 

Riding in the car the other evening with my kiddos, we listened to this song -- I found myself crying behind my sunglasses, pretty much yelling at Sidney, "you know it really does take all kinds of kinds, right?!?!" 

Crazy mom award, right here, ladies and gentlemen. 

Just keeping that Southern tradition going, I guess -- but I like to think it's got a little modern twist on it*

TT #39

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"Just so you know, I liked you first" -- thank THE WALKING DEAD gods! The first opening minutes of season 4 and I got such a #Caryl high it wasn't even funny -- it's going to happen this season, I just *know* it. 

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I found this 100 times funnier than it probably is -- but c'mon! I don't know who's cuter, the baby or those doggies :)

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Justin & I got so excited the other night imagining Halloween in a few years when we can dress our three ladies up as the Sanderson sisters and Jaxon up as Billy (!!!)

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The most horrifying idea EVER. Team M&M for life.

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Happy 1,000 posts, blog!!! 

The More, The Merrier, and the More Absent-Minded

I remember the day I found out I was carrying my first little girl inside me -- I don't remember the exact date, but I remember the day. Visions of pink and frills and bows and princesses and all the things that make life wonderfully girly danced in my head. Mom and I went straight to the store and started buying pink! and purple! and little tutus! and socks with lace! 

And it was wonderful. 

I dreamed of a perfectly perfect princess themed nursery, and so we made it happen. Bright yellow walls. Princess border. Complete nursery set with sheets and pillows and a hanging quilt and the bumper -- all of it pink and princess and exactly how I planned.

I would sit in that nursery for hours. I sat in my pink and white glider reading or folding freshly Dreft-washed clothes. I rearranged furniture and added knick-knacks. I hung out in that nursery anticipating my little lady's arrival for what seems like endless days at a time. There was nothing to do but wait. Imagine and wait and try to be patient from week twenty to week thirty-nine (when she finally arrived)...

And now, three pregnancies away from that one, I sit back and laugh at myself. There really is nothing like the anticipation of your first child! 

Because as cliche as it is, after the first one gets here, you really don't have the same time (or energy) to daydream about the second. Of course, you still do, to some small degree. But it really is different than the first pregnancy. 

And by the time you get to your third pregnancy, well you can just forget it. 

Fourth? I'm pregnant? Is that what this is? 

Jaxon sleeps in a hand-me-down crib complete with hand-me-down bedding and blankets left over from his sisters. His room is not decorated. At all. There's zero thought to it, because who the hell has time to think about decorating the third kid's nursery?

And little Jameson? She's also going to sleep in a hand-me-down crib (one that Rhealen slept in, but was used even before Rhealen for other children in our circle of friends) -- luckily for her, she'll get to use her biggest sister's hand-me-down princess bedding, which Mom and I just unearthed by chance the other day cleaning out Sidney's room at Mom's house (where her original dream nursery was). 

Poor Rhealen never had crib bedding. Hell, she didn't get a crib until she was almost eight months old! 

It's just funny, as I get further and further away from the halfway point of this pregnancy (I'm 25+ weeks roughly) I find myself so uninterested in baby things. I want to get Jameson a new carseat (the only thing I ever insist on buying new for each of the kids!), but other than that? I've got the desire to do nothing else. I don't want to talk nursery decor or outfits or anything even remotely baby-related. 

Because truthfully? You don't need 99% of that bullshit. It's all a commercial craze to make first-time moms spend money hand over first for things their baby doesn't want, need or care about. 

But it was nice once upon a time -- back when I was newly pregnant. That state of bliss was truly special, and I try to recognize it for the amazing time it was back then, back when there were no other kiddos with demands on my time, and all I had to do was sit around lazily and daydream of the baby growing in my belly.

Because nowadays, in the immortal words of Kimberly "Sweet Brown" Wilkins, ain't nobody got time for that. 

Jaxon - Month 9

Nine months!

Six days from today, he'll hit his gestation celebration! I carried this sweet boy for thirty-six weeks and six days, and it's hard to believe he's been outside my body for almost the exact same time he was inside. Time literally flies --zooms by-- at the speed of light! We're 3/4 of the way to his first birthday! Huzzah!

At nine months old, Jaxon is pretty much a freaking fantastic baby -- he's happy and bouncing and absorbing the world around him like a little sponge! He's mastered the art of crawling; well, I take that back -- he's mastered his own art of crawling. It's a mix between what one would call "normal" crawling and an army crawl. His upper body strength is going to be ridiculous! He can go from lying down to sitting straight up to crawling to rolling to basically moving anywhere he wants any way he wants any time he wants. It's getting exciting! And nerve-wracking. In between figuring out how to properly crawl, Jaxon has decided he's going to go ahead and start pulling himself up on furniture to a standing position even though his legs are nowhere near strong enough or coordinated enough to do so. Like I said, exhausting and nerve-wrecking! 

He loves food, as evidenced by his rolypoly belly :) He's got four teeth and loves to try anything new. I'm so happy he seems to be like his second-biggest sister and will eat anything put in front of him. Let's try all the foods! 

Speaking of the big sisters, that's getting interesting. With this newfound mobility and a love of exploration, there's a lot of "Jaxon's touching my toys!" and "he can't play with my stuff!" going on right now. So far, it seems that Rhealen is the one who has more of an issue sharing with Jaxon than Sidney does. Sidney is still interested in showing Jaxon new things and appeasing his curiousty rather than trying to keep him out of her stuff -- but I have a feeling this is only going to get worse before it gets better.

Jaxon is still my happy early riser -- he typically sleeps a solid 12 hours (7-7) and wakes up in the BEST mood every single morning. Without fail, I hear him start bumping around his crib cooing and laughing to himself. When I open his door, he makes this little "a-ha!" kind of sound, as if to say "there you are! good morning!" I just find it impossible to dread waking up knowing he's going to be there to meet me with that smile :)

As we get closer to the birth of little miss Jameson, I'm making sure I take extra moments to sniff Jaxon's baby-scented head and kiss those chubby leg rolls even more than usual. I want to soak up every possible second I can while he's still the baby...and not just one day closer to my big boy. 

TT #38

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The most calming and warm GIF I've seen in awhile -- when the weather is bitter and I can't feel my numb, cold toes, I'm going to look at this and think warm, happy thoughts....

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I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

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Pretty much the story of my life :)

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LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!

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Rhealen is so hugely obsessed with "Finding Nemo" right now, it's not even funny -- but luckily, the movie is actually still funny. I'm sure she'll run it straight into the ground like she did with all FOUR Shrek movies. I never want to see that green ogre again. Ever.

TT #37

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Where my 90's kids at?! 

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Another post for another day, but yeah, OMFGWTFFGARBLEFFF!!

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I wasn't on the BB bandwagon, so I'm definitely the latter -- but I'd like to sit down and watch just to see what the fuss is about! Maybe on maternity leave in January!

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DID YOU KNOW?!?!?

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TWELVE MORE DAYS, TWELVE!!