Dec 28, 2012

I Wanted to Call This Post "A Tale of Two Titties" But It's Really a Tale of Three Nipples, Which Doesn't Quite Have the Same Ring to It

This post embarassing. And definitely TMI, so feel free to skip this one. Or not, 'cause it is kind of funny. And I don't mind sacrificing myself in the name of comedy. Let's continue...

A few Fridays ago, I noticed something strange. A growth, if you will. On the underside of my boob, not too far from the current residing nipple. This growth even looked like a nipple in shape, size and color. I thought maybe my husband had been practicing his voodoo on me again, and this was the result of his desires to have a genetically enhanced woman sleeping in bed next to him. 

Nice try honey, but I think even you could do better than wishing for one measly extra nipple. 

Me being me, I texted my (registered nurse) dad, called my mom and then turned to WebMD (always the wrong choice). The collective conclusion? A boil. All warnings shouted, "pain! swelling! puss! nothing you can do about it except wait to die a horrible death!" Slight overreaction, yes, but the point is: I prepared myself to wait it out and expected to be in pain all while this mass grew and grew and then finally burst open into a million directions flowing puss from the sky and death from above. True story. 

But time marched on and the thing didn't grow and it didn't hurt and I was a little let down that this whole boil thing didn't boil over (tsk-ska, rim-shot!). I figured I could wait it out to see my regular baby doctor, and so I did yesterday. His wise, profound and all-knowing medical conclusion? Who the hell knows. 

He looked at it, flopped my boob around in his hands like play-doh (because let's be real, after three kids and my no-bra-wearing stance, these things are way past deflated at this point) said some possible diagnosis that sounded like "battlestar galactica" to me, and then decided I needed to see a general surgeon. 

Now, when someone uses the term "general surgeon" my mind tends to explode and go straight to doom, despair and agony - even though I've come to learn it's a pretty broad and sweeping title. Nevertheless, hours later and two floors above my regular doctor, I found myself waiting to see someone with the title "general surgeon". 

This is also the point in the story when I'll admit I've never had much of a breast exam before, other than the usual feel-up by my doctor during well-baby visits, and even then it's only been a handful (of boob) of times. Yesterday, for the first time ever, I got to wear one of the paper vests. 

The powder-pink, six sizes too small for this bust size, paper-thin vests. Glory glory, hallelujah - I've found my calling in life! I'm going to design some kind of vest for larger women with larger boobs that covers all the areas a woman wants covered THAT ISN'T MADE OUT OF PAPER. I've never felt so awkward in my life, I kid you not. 

This "general surgeon" looked at the third nipple and concluded something about a blocked duct and breastfeeding and yadadada, I wasn't listening because my brain kept screaming, "YOU'RE WEARING A PINK PAPER VEST!" He told me the third nipple would have to be lanced and drained, and I was all, "I can do that at home, no problem," but apparently that's the whole purpose of his "general surgeon" title. 

The nurse brought in the tray of doom, as I like to call it, covered in Bactine and needles of various sizes, a sterilized bed-pan looking tray, and of course, plenty of latex gloves. She then left me with said tray of doom for a good eternity to sweat out any worries I may have about someone slicing and dicing my nipple, much like in the popular game Fruit Ninja. I proceeded to text my poor mother and apologize for dying without being able to purchase her Asian Zing sauce from BWW; she proceeded to call me a wimp, but I digress. 

The third nipple extraction process was quick, and mostly pain-free, thanks to the wicked feeling of my entire boob being asleep! You haven't lived until you've had the sensation of your boob falling asleep, trust me. The numbing medicine wore off and then MOTHER OF GOD, the pain. If you keep hearing a nagging, incessant whine from this part of the world, don't worry, it's just me lamenting over my poor boob and the loss of my third nipple. 

Of course, it could also be my husband lamenting over the loss of the third nipple. But I digress. 

The thing is now gone and my boob is slightly swollen and leaking, which really isn't any different than it was before. At this point in my pregnancy, my entire body is slightly swollen and leaking....from every available orifice. I'm hoping this was a one-time freak incident, and my boobs haven't decided to totally abandon ship and go all mental on me this late in the pregnancy game. I've still got expectations for them to perform to some degree in the coming weeks, and although three nipples would've lightened the load, the other two are just going to have to suck it up and deliver the goods as god and nature intended. 

And thus concludes the tale of the third nipple, may it ever rest (in Bactine covered pieces) in peace. 

Dec 27, 2012

Our Christmas*


If it weren't for my sister-in-law there'd be no photos of our family from Christmas. Seriously, I never took out any of my cameras, my phone, nothing. We had present-opening sessions for three days straight at a dozen different places, and I still didn't take a single photo. 

I also didn't tweet or update my Facebook status or spend time browsing around online. I was 100% in the moment every single time the girls opened a gift or we sat down to eat or just hung out on someone's couch. And that part was really nice, I'll admit. 

The girls were once again very lucky (read: spoiled) and our house is full of wonderful gifts and treats. RJ really got into Christmas this year - she loved unwrapping all that paper (what kid doesn't?!) and saying, "more, more!" Sidney got everything on her wish-list, which is incredible, because I'm pretty sure her wish-list was about three pages long this year! 

Christmas as a parent is a hundred times more fun than Christmas as a kid ever was, in my opinion. I just can't wait to do it all next year with our three kiddos! 

Dec 20, 2012



In honor of the end of the world tomorrow (or is it today?). Might as well, right?

Dec 18, 2012

TT #28

{via}
Yeah, Taylor Swift - you keep on telling yourself that. (Are there still people out there listening to her crap music? Anybody?)

{via}
Truth hurts, kid. 

{via}
Such a funny show! It was even funny when I was younger and got zero of the jokes! 

{via}
It's impossible not to love Dolly Parton! (Even though I think Dollywood itself is overrated and overpriced beyond all good reason!) 

{via}

Dec 14, 2012

Currently

It's half of baby brother's little face! Can't wait to meet him in person, oh-so soon! 


Eating: More cereal than should be legal - although I am proud to admit I finally did branch away from Frosted Flakes for the moment (Frosted Flakes and watermelon are the two consistent cravings I've had with all three of my pregnancies...)

Watching: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, per Sidney's request - she has fallen in love with the new cartoon series, so Justin and I have been introducing her to the original movies (1990, holla!)...

Thinking about: This sweet baby and how excited I am to meet him! I have no idea how he'll fit into our family's crazy life, but I know he's so wanted and so anticipated, it'll all fall into place. Now, if only he'd make his big debut! 

Anticipating: Closing on our house (finally!) and moving in - we're definitely cutting it close with the baby's due date, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed we're (mostly) settled in by the time he arrives...next month!

Listening to: Ted Nugent - "Stanglehold" even though it kills me a little inside. I've become obsessed with this song lately! 

Working on: Learning to balance better and really divide up simple tasks around the house. Automatically I find myself attempting to "do it all, all by myself" at the house, and nowadays especially, it just doesn't happen. Normally I don't ask Justin to help me out with my end of the housework/mommy duties, but the other night I had to - and you know what? It was so easy. He didn't mind (duh!) and I loved having an extra set of hands helping me out with simple tasks (like getting the girls bathed and dressed for bed) - I'm not sure why I try to adopt this Wonderwoman-mentality of "I can do it! Yes, I can!" when clearly, I can't - not right now at least, not by myself! 

Wishing: I would feel better - the last few weeks of this pregnancy have really kicked my butt, and I'm nearing the end mentally (and physically). My back kills me constantly, sleep is non-existent and my poor bladder is never going to recover. Ever. I'm grateful for my body and the amazing job it's done carrying all three of my kids, but believe me, I'm over it. D-o-n-e, done. Couple that with the butt-kicking cold I've had all week, and I feel like I've reached the end of my rope. 

Currently series inspired by Danielle.

Dec 13, 2012

Dads in the Delivery Room

Lately I've been hearing more chatter from dads who admit that being in the delivery room with their wives and witnessing the ordeal that is birth has a serious effect on their libidos. And while I think every situation is different, and some guys tend to over-exaggerate, I'll be the first to admit that it must be hard for a man to watch a woman give birth to their child. In my opinion, it has to be hard for anyone to watch the childbirth experience - family, friends, nurses, what have you - it's quite the feat of nature and should never be down-played as a minuscule experience...from either side of the bed. 

My husband is a very supportive partner during delivery, and I've come to rely on his presence as a soothing factor, a constant. He may not be able to express himself in words, but I've learned to hear the love in his refusal to leave my side. Before delivery, during and after - he refuses to be anywhere but there with me. I've come to understand it's how he shows his support. He's not one to hold my hand constantly and whisper encouragement or be completely hands-on involved during the delivery; but he's there, right beside me for however long it takes, no matter what. 

with Sidney, 2007

That being said, he's right beside me...at the top of the hospital bed. He's not too keen on keeping an eye on things downstairs, if you know what I mean. He's witnessed both of our children entering the world, and while he's acknowledged it's beautiful and miraculous to witness what a woman's body can do, he also admits it's a bit gory and horrific to watch. Personally, I wouldn't know. I haven't watched myself give birth before, and I don't really have a strong desire to do so this time either. I've seen my share of birth videos, mostly home-births, and while fascinating and humbling, they do make me squeamish if I'm being perfectly honest here.  It's just endlessly amazing how the female body works, and while I have the utmost respect for nature, the sheer logistics of it all, and the wonderment of the situation - when you get down to it, I feel like childbirth is just a little too real for me to appreciate watching, to want to watch and to walk away unaffected in some small or significant way. 

Maybe it truly does affect some men; maybe they can never get past that moment and find it incredibly hard to be intimate with their loved one again after witnessing birth. While I do my best to understand that from a man's perspective, I also will be the first to admit - that's the man's hang up and not the fault of his partner. If he can't move past the experience and regain control of his intimacy it shouldn't be considered the "fault" of his partner. Luckily for us, this hasn't been an issue in the past - and I'm hoping it never becomes an issue, for any reason. 

Still, I fully intend to keep the sheets pulled as low as possible, keep as much of my modesty in tact as I can, and do my best not to glance down towards my feet any during delivery...and I'm sure my husband will be doing the same thing. 

with Rhealen, 2011
Does that make us backwards? A little too politically incorrect for the times? Maybe. But it's what works for us - and I'm a firm believer that doing what's best for individuals, couples, individual couples is what makes the world go 'round. 

Dec 12, 2012

Good Dose of Mom-Guilt

I cried yesterday morning.

Sitting on the couch, Rhealen snuggled up against my chest, and the house barely lit in the early morning. I had just finished getting us ready for the day, and the little gal was still trying to wake herself up - moments of cuddling and sweetness don't happen often, so I try to soak them up as much as I can.

And that's when I lost it for a minute.

I made myself stop and be grateful for her, to remind myself that I am so happy I am her mother and appreciate the magnitude of what it means to be someone's mother. I have felt such guilt lately, such total mom guilt, because I'm making my sweet baby girl a middle child in just a few weeks, and she has no idea what's about to happen.



I have no way of knowing if she understands me at all when we talk about "brother" in my belly. She has a love of poking my belly button and saying something that sounds almost like "brother", but I know it's just a variation of "belly". She will never have memories of being the baby of the family. And maybe that's a good thing? Maybe she'll be less likely to resent her middle child status if it's all she'll ever know?

I have a lot of anxiety about siblings and birth order (mostly because I never had to deal with any of that mess), and I want to make my best (and most natural) effort to just be a good mom to all three of them and treat and love them equally. But I know biologically/socially/naturally there are certain precedents put into place that I can't avoid; stereotypes I'm sure to fill, as much as I don't want to. Because, god, I really don't want to.

I just want to love all of my children wholly, equally and without the fear that I'm screwing them up somehow. Being a mom is such a ridiculously daunting task. Even now, after 5+ years of this mom thing, I still find myself unsure, struggling, weighted down by the sheer load of it all. I'm a mom, that mystical being of support, endless love and guidance. I'm supposed to be the one to lead, to share wisdom, to answer the call of "help! I need you!". Sometimes I'm not so sure I can really do it, let alone do it for three kids.

Moments like yesterday morning definitely fall under the "most amazing thing in the world" category; there's nothing like being in the moment for once and recognizing just how much you love someone else (especially between me and RJ, seeing just how far we've come) - but the guilt that follows is a little unbearable. It's the ugly side of parenting, the side no one wants to really admit is there. But it is, and in this moment, I'm struggling with it.

Dec 11, 2012

TT #27

I just want to take a minute and give myself a little pat on the back - since jump-starting this series again in July, I've really managed to stay on track. I think I might've missed one week or two since then (vacation, I think) but for the most part, I've managed to actually stick with something! A regular series! For six whole months! So yes, little pat on the back...and on to this week's goodies!


{via}
Ugly Renaissance Babies is one of those wonderfully curated blogs that is horrifying and yet so hilarious, I can't look away! 

{via}
Excuse the sappy-sweet sentiments here lately, I guess it's just the holiday season getting the best of me! 

{via}
Cornhole just seems like a drunk college kid's game of horseshoes to me, but if I had a set like this custom one I might give it a go (but seriously, don't you feel like a kid at a carnival? You can't take yourself seriously playing cornhole, can you?) 

{via}
Worse/best episode of The Twilight Zone ever. I watched it as a kid and can't bring myself to watch it again - never do I want to feel that hopeless again.

{via}
There's just something about this GIF I love so much. 

Dec 10, 2012



My favorite Christmas song of the moment - maybe it's just the sentimental (read: hormonal) side of me coming out, but I just adore this song.

Dec 7, 2012

That Time I Thought Sidney Was a Burglar

Let me set the scene for you: 

Sidney, Justin and I all sleep in the same room. In separate beds, of course. Well, Justin and I share a bed,  but Sidney has her own. Although if you ask my husband, he'd love it if we slept in separate beds, too. But, I digress. 

Picture it: our house, just before midnight, Tuesday the 4th. 

I had just fallen asleep, or at least, I was in that state of sleep that felt like it had only been a minute or two since I closed my eyes, when I heard something. At first, it felt like I was still asleep and dreaming. I heard a rattle and a knock and then the toilet flushed, and suddenly I'm wide awake gripping Justin shouting, "Someone's in our house!" 

In my stupor, I suppose that it seemed perfectly logical that a burglar would break into our house and then find the time to relieve himself before crashing in on us. It never dawned on me that it could be something totally normal...like our sweet, sleepy five-year-old up doing her nightly duties.

 Lord knows, I relieve myself enough during the night it shouldn't strike me as odd that someone else needs to do the same thing from time to time. Yet there I was, shivering in bed behind my husband who was poised and ready to strike whatever stood on the other side of our bedroom door. 

Sidney must've been nearly dead-asleep, even though her bathroom break, because she looked at Justin and me with this, "What? I had to pee, get over it" expression and went straight back to snoring-asleep in zero seconds. Justin, on the other hand, got a major leg cramp from jumping up so fast, it took a good five minutes to walk it off before getting back in bed. 

Needless to say, we confused our child and I managed to scare Justin within an inch of his life - at least I know he can move that quick if the true need arises! And from now on, I'll check my surroundings a little better before jumping straight to the "it's a robbery!" scenario come midnight. 

Dec 4, 2012

TT #26

{via}
Easily one of my favorite holiday movies - I could quote this movie (and Christmas Vacation) all day! 

{via}
Raise your hand if you used to do the exact same thing (!!!) 

{via}
"Irish girl sunbathing. No, not her. The other one." I think I laughed out loud for a good 10 minutes! 

{via}

{via}

Dec 3, 2012

Yin & Yang

Justin and I have gotten in the bad habit of watching the girls little quirks and actions and chiming to one another, "That's your daughter!" every time they do something similar to one of us, things we aren't always so proud of. 

Sidney is a little bit of a geek, she's uncoordinated and could lose the socks right off her feet as she's walking. Rhealen is hot-tempered, boisterous and very "hands-off" most of the time. 

Yin and yang. Me and Justin made over completely in two different little girls. 

Of course, we're never shy to catch either of them doing something that reminds of us in a good way and chiming in with a, "That's my daughter!". 

Sidney loves to help cook, is the most loving and gentle little thing you'll ever cuddle with, and can entertain herself easily. Rhealen never forgets where she puts anything, will always bring me or Justin the phone and remote as soon as we sit down on the couch, and goes to sleep by herself at bedtime (most nights) without a hitch. 

Yin and yang. Me and Justin made over completely in two different little girls.