lately

The car puts this kid out like a light when she's sleepy; when she's not sleepy, she just loves cruising around looking out the window. Totally cute.



My beauty girl.



(My) favorite blanket & (her) favorite paci = perfection for Rhealen

pretty silhouette beside the house

Sidney make me a flower ring, so sweet!

My best big girl...

Always the scene at IHOP with Mamaw & her Morgan

So, suprise! I cut all my hair off - and all I got to show for it is this lousy Target bathroom photo! I will fix this problem soon.

Sidney Morgan 3.10

My big girl, just a few weeks away from her fourth birthday. Time slows down for no one apparently, even if you wish and pray and beg and plead for it to go by just a little slower.

Sidney is her usual amazingly amazing self, smarter every day and such an independing little thing. She's proud to tell everyone how much she weighs now (48.5 lbs) and is so excited about starting school on 08/15. Of course, she tells everyone she'll be in third grade as opposed to pre-k (but that's just because her Gran teaches third grade!) so I think she's still got a few things to figure out about this entire "school" thing.

patterns

I love looking back on most of my recent posts to see that they're written right around midnight. And usually they're full of typos and delirous sleep-deprived rants about a whole lot of nothing.

And all I talk about is my kids. You're probably thinking, "just shut up already about that new baby". {I hope not...cause I plan to talk about her for the rest of my freaking life}

It's my new pattern. Spend all day with the baby, spend all night blogging about her. I find her more and more amazing every day. It's been kind of a slow fall into love, but I'm so there. It's a new pattern for me, loving two little girls. But I'm doing my best.

And I promise to start blogging during the light of day when I'm able to form semi-coherent sentences. And I promise to try and find other things to talk about besides my kids (maybe). And I promise to make no promises about any of the above things. Because that's my real pattern, just being completely random and predictable at the same time.

today the word was "hard"

Today was one of those hard days where I stop and think, "dear god, why did we want to do this all over again?! WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!" But then Rhealen will snuggle my chest or just look totally adorable sleeping, and I remember. It's all about love, pure and simple.

But the screaming and crying today was a little out of control. Oy vey.

It's hard going from one awesome little girl who's totally mostly independent and sleeps through the night and can wipe her own ass and such to one awesome little girl who's totally mostly independent and sleeps through the night and can wipe her own ass and such PLUS one little girl who screams a lot and can't do anything for herself and can't tell you what's wrong and just kind of looks at you all pitiful waiting for you to fix it. HARD, I tell you.

Babies are hard work, and honestly, I'd kind of forgotten about how much work there is. I've gotten so spoiled having Sidney and her awesomeness that it's kind of difficult to appreciate Rhealen and her non-awesomeness at this point. She'll get there, this I know.

It's just babies kind of suck sometimes. And today was a total suck day. Good thing she's so freaking cute it makes my ovaries hurt.

biggest little

I spent lots of good time with my biggest little today, and it was just what both of us needed! Don't get me wrong, we love our little sister darling, but sometimes it's so nice to enjoy the one on one time. Plus, RJ got plenty of quality time with her Mamaw, so it was a win-win for everyone.

Sidney got her first big real haircut today in a "salon", not just a trim from me at home. She did so-so with the haircut, but she looks adorable. No more dead ends or unwanted frizz, just an inch gone and beautiful curls all around her head. Then we did a little "under garment" shopping for me and some "back to school" clothes and shoes shopping for Sidney.

It's not really "back to school" for her, but rather "first time going to school" - she starts Pre-K next month! My little girl is not so little anymore, it seems. It's all bittersweet and exciting and I can't wait to see what kind of little "student" she's going to be. So excited!

It's been one of the best days I've had in awhile with Sidney, and it gives me such hope that soon I'll be able to have days like these with Rhealen. It won't always be crying and diapers and whining and bottles. Soon it'll be little shopping trips with her while her big sister is at school or spending time with her friends. I will have these fun times with her, too - and I just can't wait!

It's days like today that reminds me just how much fun it can be being a girl. And a mother of girls.

lately

pretty baby

she is obsessed with her vibrating seat...it's equal parts annoying and cute.

best partner in crime I could ever ask for.

hi-def beauty

pile o' pizza





she finally got that thumb in there. dear god help us all.

weekend funny stuff

[NSFW]


Have you seen Adventureland yet? If you haven't, you're definitely missing out.

Hope you have a good weekend!

the secret life of mothers of babies who don't sleep through the night...yet

There's an entire secret society of women (and men, too) up at all hours of the night feeding and changing and rocking and cuddling little babies in need. For some it's every few hours. For some it's a constant thing. I'm lucky to be of the former variety with little Rhealen. She's usually up once or twice a night with a simple regimen: change the diaper, eat a few ounces, cuddle for a minute and back to sleep for a few more hours. It's bliss.

When I'm up at night with her, in the midst of my sleep-deprived haze, I think about a lot of different things. I wonder how many of my friends are out there at that exact moment doing the exact same thing I am. And seeing has 2011 has been the "year of babies" among my friends, I'm sure that odds are there's quite a few people up at the same time I am. I feel connected to all of you Moms and Dads, miles apart and without ever acknowledging it. It helps me keep my sanity a little, in the dead of the night and the wee hours of the morning, to know I'm not alone.

Getting up with Rhealen has been fairly easy so far, and dare I say it: enjoyable. Of course, that will probably all change once it comes time for me to go back to work (oh, if only I didn't have to go back to work). I love our time together, while Justin and Sidney are snoozing away in bed together, Rhealen and I have free reign of the house. To do what we please, to listen to music and dance, or watch bad late night TV together or just sit and stare at each other if we want. It's our time, our incredibly special time together. And it's nice to have these precious hours to bond, to really get to know each other and trust each other and love one another better.

This is one little society I'm glad to know and be a proud member of. The grogginess and grumpiness and bags under my eyes may sometimes give me away and make me a little unbearable at times. But it's late night bliss. Beautiful, sweet, late night baby bliss.

emotional muck and mire

Since Rhealen was born five weeks ago, I've been having this internal monologue with myself almost every day about her. About I feel about her. There's no denying I love her, absolutely, she's my child and it's impossible not to love her with every fiber of my being. Deep down, in the heart of me, I love this child so much.

It's just that sometimes I feel like I don't like her. Or rather that I'm not sure how I feel about her. She's an excellent baby and has only had two semi-rough days since she's been with us. I keep telling myself, during my conversations inside my head with little Rhealen, "it's not you, it's me." And it is me. I'm the one struggling here. I try not to compare babies, but Sidney is all I have to go by when it comes to my feelings. When I first saw Sidney, it was this immediate heartswell and all the love in the universe poured into me immediately. I was ripped open with love for this little girl, and the feeilng was so intense it broke me down into beautiful, sobbing tears.

With Rhealen, I didn't have that moment. I honestly haven't had it yet. I'm waiting for the overpowering, knock-the-breath-out-of-you moment to hit me. It's like Sidney was my "love at first sight" baby and with Rhealen I'm "taking it slow". Which I don't really like. If I could control it, we'd be madly in love already.

I don't know what the difference is this time around. Maybe it's because I didn't have to work hard to bring her into this world (hello, one giant push!) or maybe it's all a hormonal thing and I'm on the verge on PPD. I don't feel sad or angry or anything too extreme one way or the other. In fact, I'm just kind of indifferent. And it's killing me.

I want to swell and burst with love for my little girl. I want all those wonderful feelings I had with Sidney right after she was born. I don't want to keep fighting with myself, trying to justify that I love these children equally. Because I do. Differently, yes, but equally. They are my girls. Justin and I both say that a million times a day: our girls.

This may all sound horrid, and hopefully one day I can read this post again and be grateful to be on the other side of things. Hopefully one day soon. Because I hate mixed emotions. I hate not feeling like myself. I hate feeling like I'm cheating Rhealen by not being the most crazy, insane in love momma that I can be. I do love her, heart and soul. And I'm so grateful she's here with me and healthy, and I never want to take advantage of the fact that both my girls are perfectly perfect in every way. I go back to the doctor next week, and I've already prepared my conversation in my head. I know these feelings are normal, emotions and hormones are always jumbled up after having a baby. I know things could be a lot worse. But I also know what I'm capable of and I'm not at my full potential right now.

And I'm ready to be. I'm ready, ready, ready to be head-over-heels in love with my baby.

wait, people go the theaters to see movies?

It's been awhile since I last went to the movies, maybe Paranormal Activity 2? I'm not sure...and it'll probably be more time yet before I go back to the movies. You know, new baby and all that. But I'm still trying to keep up with what's coming out to theaters soon, just in case something looks totally awesome enough to steal me away for a few hours.

(Sidenote: I'm a huge movie fan, can't get enough of them - good, bad and in between. I have zero problem going to the theaters alone if I have to, like I did the third time I saw Avatar, because I'm that big a movie fanatic. I've been catching up on the classics, like Gone With the Wind and An Affair to Remember via Netflix while I'm home on maternity leave!)

Here are some movies coming out in the not too distant future that have caught my eye - what are you excited about seeing soon? Anything I have to/need to see - new, old, whatever? I love movie (and book) recommendations!

Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Nov. 18th)

Well, duh! Anyone who's ever read this blog should know about my obsession with all things Twilight.

Three Musketeers (Oct. 14th)

I'm not in love with 3D movies, so hopefully I can find one that isn't - but OMG, I love this entire story, every version ever made of this story (although the Kiefer Sutherland.Charlie Sheen/Oliver Platt/Chris O'Donnell one is my favorite!) and I'm really in love with Matthew MacFadyen after watching Pride & Prejudice one too many times lately. SO. EXCITED.

Our Idiot Brother (Aug. 26th)

How cute is Paul Rudd?! And I love Steve Coogan (been mad for him since I watched Hamlet 2) and Zooey Deschanel (hello, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!), so this movie looks like a win-win for me. Plus it comes out on my Mom's birthday, so maybe she and I can have a girl's movie date!

Grave Encounters (Aug. 25th)

Holy crap, this movie has just about everything I love in a scary movie! I love the style of these movies, have ever since the original Blair Witch Project came out. And I love anything to do with abandoned buildings, specifically mental institutions. This is a win/win kind of movie for me, one I've definitely got to go see with Dobby!

Brave (June 22, 2012)

It'll be awhile before this comes out, but I can't wait to take SidMo to see it - it's the first Pixar animated film to feature a female lead and heroine! So excited!

RJ's one month checkup

Yesterday, Sidney & I took Rhealen to the doctor for her one month checkup and HALLELUJAH! everything was perfect with our baby girl.

She had gained almost two whole pounds since birth (forumla FTW, I refuse to feel badly about not breastfeeding!) and had grown an entire inch. Perfect all the way around, according to our awesome peditrician (whom I didn't really click with in the hospital, but now totally love thankfully). It was just such a relief to get a good report, it always makes me nervous when they're so little like this.

At one month old, RJ is still pretty much the perfect baby. She's eating like a champion (obviously!) and sleeping great. She hasn't mixed up her days and nights yet, so I'm really hoping it stays that way. I'm getting at least four hours of sleep at night in a row, which is freaking awesome, just ask anyone who's ever had a newborn in the house! She's just a happy little girl, I honestly don't know what else to say.

I've been dealing with some lingering emotions I had from her birth, things like guilt and uncertainty - things I may choose to go in depth more later on. I'm still processing them myself right now, but I'm so glad to have skipped over any serious PPD. It's been a delight, fully and totally, and I'm just working really hard to soak up my last month of maternity leave...before it's back to work come August!

because an excited kid is the cutest thing in the world...

Sidney's playground arrived yesterday at Mom's house. Needless to say, it was the highlight of Sidney's day (and ours, too)!!!

Glitter Sunday

Just 'cause.




Why can't there be performers like this nowadays? I mean, without the whole child pornography scandal stuff.

little big plans

Do you all have lots of fun plans for the weekend? We've got some small, simple but extra fun plans - cookouts and fireworks and the typical, wonderful 4th of July weekend most of America will be enjoying.

Sidney is planning on spending lots of quality time in the water (she's already got a headstart on the water fun at Gran's house...)

And Rhealen will probably do what she does best at this point (she'll also get passed around like a hot potato at the cookout Saturday...)

Lots of little plans to just hang out and eat good food and be happy (and a little lazy)! Justin has got big fishing notions, so I hope the weather cooperates for everyone this weekend. Happy 4th to all of you, be safe and don't catch anything (or anyone) on fire!