severing ties

This week has been hard and it's only Wednesday.

I've been struggling, in turmoil internally. First with the healthcare, and then with some equal rights issues that hit close to home for me. I've been really outspoken lately on Twitter and Facebook and here on the blog. It's cost me some followers and readers and maybe even some people I thought were friends. This week has been all about severing ties for me, people weeding me out because they didn't agree with what I had to say.

I can honestly say that I've only unfollowed someone once in the entire time I've been reading blogs and following people on Twitter. I had to stop reading one gal's blog - not because I no longer supported her or because I was angry at her, I just didn't want to keep putting myself in a position that was uncomfortable for me. I never once made her feel like less of a person because of something she did or something she said or something she believed in. Those are her rights as a woman and person and United States citizen. I just did my part, small as it may be.

I'm tired of being on this soapbox. It's causing me to lose sleep, to be distracted at all hours of the day and night. I can't focus on anything. All my mind wants to do is reach into the computer and smack people around until they finally agree to at least try and see things the way I see them. I've been working really hard to practice what I preach and to see things from all different points of view. I want to see the big picture, from all walks of life. I think it helps me to make a more educated decision and gives me stronger legs to stand on when supporting myself against those who try and sway me.

I want this storm to be over, even though it's never really over. It's always lying just below the surface, waiting for a trigger to set the whole thing off. We all smile and laugh and talk about mundane things most of the time - until something dramatic happens and the truth comes out. Those brave enough to state their opinions are thrown to the lions, the huddled masses that jester and jeer, booing you off the stage feeling as tiny as an ant. I usually in the minority group when it comes to radical thinking. I stand alone with a few dozen beside me, spouting off ideas and beliefs that most don't agree with. And I'll be the first to admit, it's terrifying. I sit and shake in front of the computer, near tears trying to be coherent and prove my point of view. I scream at the top of my lungs I AM VALID! MY BELIEFS ARE VALID! I am a woman equal to all others, and I have the right to own my own opinions.

I have the basic human right to believe what I want to believe and to voice that opinion whenever and wherever I so choose.

You may not agree with me. In all odds, you probably don't. But that's fine with me. I support you and your opinions as strongly as I support my own. These are our rights, ladies and gentlemen. These rights given to us by our forefathers to be individuals, free of one governing body of thought. We have voices and brains and hearts and minds and we can use them to spread our truths, our knowledge, our words.

I'm putting away this soapbox, if only for a little while. I can't stand to live like this, embroiled in debate, bruised by the battles of life. I need some peace and quiet. I need for things to lay down and be still, find some calm in this storm. I am proud of myself for standing up and speaking out for what I believe in. I hope I didn't lose you in the fight. I hope we are still friends, that you still think I am a good person with good thoughts, because that is what I believe myself to be. I hope you didn't "unfollow" - but if you did, know this: that is your right, and I support that, too.

Even in these moments of hate, these comments that are ugly, these online battles we've been fighting, I support you still. And I always will.

love is love

I vow to always support my family and friends in their right to choose who they love, regardless of sexual orientation. It doesn't matter to me - what matters is love. Today has been just another reminder to me that ignorance is always present. Discrimination and hate are always waiting to strike out against what is different. Take religion out of the equation, and you have no argument. Love is love is love is love is love is love. And who are you to say another person doesn't deserve to be loved?

We are all worthy of love.

the healthcare discussion

I wanted to write this post yesterday, but I tried to keep my wits about me and not let emotion overcome me. As I'm sure you all know, the Healthcare Reform was passed Sunday night. And it's brought out the best and worst in everyone. There are a million different opinions floating around right now, and in all honesty, I try to be open to every single one of them. I am under the impression that you have to keep your ears, mind and heart open. I would hope that everyone else would try and be the same way, too.

Sadly, that's not the case. I've seen too many people completely bashing this reform and our government and our president over the past couple days. And I think it's just sad. It breaks my heart to think that people still like to live in these defined ways.

Life is not Democrat or Republic. It isn't conservative or liberal. It isn't right or wrong. Life is not black or white. There are a million shades of gray in this country. Life can't be outlined by one person's point of view. Not mine. Not yours. Not anyone's. In this beautiful, free country of ours we're all allowed to think differently and vote differently and be different.

I hate that "different" automatically equals anger, hate, aggression, and discrimination. I am of the opinion that this reform is good. I don't agree with all of it, but the majority of speaks to what I think is important, what I think needs to be changed. I support this movement. I support our president. I support this change.

What I don't support is hate mongering. And violent aggression towards others. I support you and your opinions. I love getting entangled in political debates, believe you me. But I don't understand why people let opinions get in the way of politics.

And then I realized, politics and opinions are synonyms of each other. They're the same, identical. There can be no politics without our opinions, our beliefs. And that's where things get messy. We're all supporting our ideas, often times so loud, we never hear anyone else. We never pause to view things from a different perspective. We let our parents, our regional area, our friends define us. And that's change I want to see.

I want to see us all having calm, educated, supportive conversations. I want us to believe in one another and our government. I want us to lift one another up, let the unheard voice reach the masses. If you don't like another person's opinion, that's fine. But why does there have to be sarcasam, discrimination, anger towards one another? Why why why why why?

I don't want us to turn on one another, on our elected officials, our government, our president. This is change that a lot of people think will turn our country in a bad direction. I've heard it all, and I've read it all. And the truth is, I still don't have a solid opinion of how I think this reform will effect us.

All I know is, I'm hopeful. I'm looking towards tomorrow with hope, the hope that things will get better. More Americans will be able to afford healthcare. More Americans will be included in afforadble plans. More will get done for more Americans every day. Sure, that means I may have to pay more out of my taxes. But if that means that another baby has healthcare, then so be it. If that allows an elderly person to be able to afford their medication, then okay. I'm fine with giving up a little more so that others can get more equally.

What about you? Can you include more others? Can you put aside your feelings to discuss politics in a positive way? Can you support a president you don't agree with? Can you support this Healthcare Reform?

I know I can.