Crazy, Lucky

Our anniversary is coming up this week, and I'm a little sentimental over here -- over a decade with this guy has made me crazy. Crazy in love, crazy in happiness, crazy in denial. 

It hasn't been this long. We haven't gone through so much. We don't have such an awesome family. It's not possible that I'm this lucky. 

But I am -- despite everything I am this lucky. And I owe it all to luck, 'cause I'm not so convinced I deserve a moment of this life of mine. 

Mighty, Little RJ*

 What I wouldn't give to spend ten minutes inside this little gal's head >> she is quite the talker these days! 

Justin made the comment he'd like to know all the things she doesn't say -- but I don't think she ever has a thought to cross her mind that doesn't leave her lips! 

She has a million and one questions a day, repeats herself unnecessarily, and can drive a good preacher to cuss with her pestering. But that little voice is so sweet, it's hard to stay too mad at her for too long. 

When babies are teeny, you dream of them being able to talk to you, if for no other reason than to tell you when they're hurting >> Rhealen tells you everything: when she's hungry, when she's tired, when she wants something, when she poops, when her siblings are being naughty. The girl tells all! 

 It's so exciting to think she'll be turning three in just a few short weeks >> these past three years have flown by, and while she's hasn't grown that much in stature, her brain (and heart) sure have grown by leaps and bounds. She amazes me daily with that intelligent (and sassy) little mouth! 

Trouble Doubled {R+J}

These two, my little blonde bombshells, are quite the pair >> they are trouble doubled, fire and gasoline, push and pull. One starts the other going, and then they're off together, loud little voices and big footed stomps through the house. 

They are always into something together. They are always fighting over the same thing. They are always laughing at each other. Being the middle two and only nineteen months apart seems to serve them well. Jaxon is almost as big as Rhealen, and I get the feeling if things continue as they are, he'll be bigger than her by the end of the summer. He is a bruiser in demeanor and strength; she is burly in personality and spunk. Her heart matches his head, if that makes any sense :) 

I love this duo, as trying as they are, and I'm so glad they're partners in crime. At least they're never in trouble alone! 

Finally, Toby

Toby is my last great gift, the final piece of my puzzle, a perfect end note to my opus. 

He is joy and ease and tranquility. He never fails to amaze me with his sweetness, his divine innocence. He gets the best of me, or maybe it's the worst of me. I am utterly at peace with myself as a mother with him. He's the fourth. I know what I'm doing, and I don't know any other way to do it. But it feels like I'm always too busy with the other three... 

And so he just sits back and waits for me. He waits for my undivided attention, waits with gummy grins and a warm little body to snuggle. He is just perfection, and I hope I always remember (and appreciate) him for the cool little dude he is. Such a sweet little soul. 

Maybe the best really is saved for last...

Tonight, for the first time, I looked down at you and felt that lump rise into my throat. I felt the tears sting at my eyes, and I recognized in an instant that old familiar feeling - love.

Tonight, I fell in love with you. 

Just an ordinary night, sitting on the couch, holding you while you slept on my chest. And yet, there it was. There it happened again. Once more, my heart grew and you fell into the place waiting for you. 

I don't know if it's me or if other mommas experience these kinds of moments, too - but I know enough about myself as a mother to recognize the difference between loving your child unconditionally from day one versus falling in love with your children over and over again as they grow. 

I have loved you, my boy, from the moment I found out I was pregnant.

But tonight, I fell in love with you for the first time. Tonight, you made your way to me - from an unexpected, unplanned miracle to a fuzzy, warm babe in my arms. You found me, and I found you. And I didn't think I could love another boy the way I do your father and brother, yet you've proven me wrong already.

 Little Toby, I love you. Thank you for being the best surprise of my life.

A Randomly Sweet RJ Moment*

Last night, Rhealen and I are sitting at the kitchen table together, sharing a nugget meal from McD's (no judgment, this week has been killer!) when my sweet little gal looks up at me and puckers her lips.

"What are you doing, Rhealen?"
"Kiss!"
--smooch--
"Lub yew"

I mean, seriously? Heart melted. Last night was the first time she ever initiated a kiss or told me she loved me without having to be told "I love you" first. My day and night and week and year were made right there.

That little Nugget of mine, I sure do love her!

Ahh,YouTube. You know, you can find just about anything on the old tube of you. Music, books, dancing babies, makeup tutorials, previews - you name it, it's on there.

One of my favorite "themes" is the surprise! I'm pregnant! video, and I've rounded up some of my absolute favorites. Do you have any you love?

This Morning, This Moment

Those are my girls right there!

I made myself take a photo of this little moment, even though they were cold and they're standing there a little awkward. This is one of a million little moments in life that I want to remember. New habits forming, the bond between them growing a little stronger every day.

Normally, I carry Rhealen out to the car, help Sidney load up and we're off for the day. But little miss independent has recently decided she wants to go out the back door by herself and walk all the way to the car - Sidney being the "mother hen" she is can't help but fuss over her little sister. So they have a routine of helping each other and holding hands; it's literally just about the sweetest little thing!

It's something that doesn't seem like much, and it probably isn't to anyone else, but to this momma - it's heart melting!

{a little bit of me}

Rhealen asleep with the sun on her face.
The way she prefers to be in the car.

I say all the time how this child is the opposite of me and the replica of her Daddy.

But in this moment she is me exactly.

We are both flowers reaching towards every square inch of sun we can find. Every streak of light is our bed.

She may be the image of her Daddy. She may have his surly, burly attitude sometimes. She may adore her sister and follow in her mannerisms moreso than most.

But this little one here is mine.

morning routine

I, by default, am not a habitual person. I forget too much to keep a pattern going or establish a routine. Part forgetfulness, part laziness. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to own up to my laziness, which at times can be monumental. It's scary just how lazy I can be every now and then.

But the girls seem to have established their own little morning routine, whether I'm up for doing the same thing every morning or not. Rhealen gets up first, happy and squealing like she always is. Sidney wakes up just as I'm finishing changing Rhealen's diaper - I have to go into the bedroom and carry her to the couch.

{Seriously, I HAVE to do this. One morning she woke up earlier than normal, walked into the kitchen and demanded we go back into the bedroom so I could carry her to the couch - the couch that was about ten feet away from where she was standing. OCD, much?}

I turn on the cartoons, feed Rhealen and then they cuddle up together - it started out they would cuddle on the couch but now that Rhealen is getting more active, they sprawl out together in the floor. Toes wiggling, kissing and cuddling and whispering. Rhealen will pull Sidney's hair and Sidney will roll over on Rhealen's legs. There's whimpers and whines from time to time, but mostly, I get to enjoy the sound of my girls playing while getting dressed.

It's amazing to see the little routines they're developing, the secret society of sisters that I can only appreciate from a distance. I'm not invited into their secret little world. I wonder all the time what Rhealen thinks of Sidney and vice versa. If their mornings are any indication, I think it's safe to say these girls absolutely adore each other to bits. 

Van Morrison makes me weep daily

These are the days of the endless summer

These are the days, the time is now

There is no past, there's only future

There's only here, there's only now

These Are the Days --- Van Morrison

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

{This post inspired by the always lovely Amy}

today is a big day leading up to an even bigger day!

Today, Sidney has orientation for Pre-K at the school. I told her this morning I might cry come Monday when she officially starts. She told me, "Mom, I hate it when you cry." She said it not so much in a sweet way, but in an annoyed, wish you wouldn't do that you're embarassing me way. I live to embarass my children; makes me feel like I'm really doing this whole parenting thing right.

I'm super hyped up and nervous about tonight, even though I know it's nothing special - deep down, it is something incredibly special. My sweet girl is starting school. I don't feel that old. She shouldn't be old enough for this yet. And yet, she is. And I am getting older. And the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round.

We're here. This summer has officially been the quickest summer EVER. From the moment Rhealen got here, life has doubled in speed. I used to blink and a day had passed me by. Now, I blink and a week or two have gone straight out the window. I just keep marking days and weeks and months off the calendar. It's insane.

I know on Monday when I see her with that big backpack and bowl-legged knees I'm going to lose it. Maybe not in the car, maybe not in the schoolhouse. But at some point on Monday, I'm going to break down and have a little moment to myself (or maybe with the entire school, we'll see). I'm sure Justin will cry on his way to work, too. And I know my Mom (who teaches third grade at the same little school) will be sniffling and then some all day long. It's hard on all of us to see our little Sidney start school. She's our little baby no more. Now she's our big kid. Our big sister, student, cheerleader. Our brilliant, sweet, funny, adorable, snuggly, beautiful big girl.

{Tomorrow is also the kickoff day for a new blog feature that will showcase on Fridays featuring some great bloggers from around the country. Come back tomorrow to meet our first guest blogger & learn more about this fun series!!!}

{Also! Don't forget to check out the up and running sister blog, Toastess - all things fashion and style to be found!!!}

cuteness overload: basset hound style

I melt, seriously. It's going to be so hard to let these babies go at the end of the month. There is nothing cuter than a little puppy, especially a Basset Hound puppy. Am I right or am I right?!

a girl who loves puppies

Sidney is definitely my child; she loves animals, dogs in particular. This weekend she got to spend some quality time with Stephanie's pups, Lulu (black and white) and Lily (brown and white). Lily was definitely loving Sidney as much as Sidney was loving her! It's so sweet to see babies, human and animal alike, playing together. There's just something so peaceful and innocent about the whole picture. It helps to remind me we all start out whole and pure, it's up to us to keep that feeling our whole lives.

dance into 2011

Yeah, baby, 2011 is going to be flippin' sweet.

Have a safe and happy New Year's celebration!

romantical

honorable mention: sophie st vicious

By now I'm sure you've noticed the new blog header. Right? Well if you haven't, LOOK UP. It's so amazing, right?

The very talented, very sweet and very hard-working Sophie created this one-of-a-kind blog banner for me, and I have to say, I'm in love. She captured my little family perfectly and I couldn't be more satisfied. This is my glorious recommendation for Sophie; visit her blog HERE and her Etsy shop HERE and you can even follow her on Twitter HERE.

You also might've noticed I cleaned up a little here and there on the blog yesterday; added some new tabs up top and edited some information. Just trying to smooth everything out and get this site in tiptop shape. Change is good, but I'd like to settle into a groove and focus on the words and stories I'm sharing as opposed to being annoyed with my layout all the time.

a lucky suprise

One of the perks of blog-hopping is sometimes listening to music you've forgotten about or didn't know about to begin with. It's always a happy little suprise to me when I hear a song I used to love or heard once, fell in love with, but couldn't remember what it was or where I heard it.

And such a little nugget I found today.

Here is the amazing tune "Song To The Siren" by This Mortal Coil.

On the floating, shipless, oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.
And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me,
Let me enfold you."
Here I am, here I am
waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?
Now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken lovelorn on your rocks.
For you sang "Touch me not, touch me not,
Come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride?
Here me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me,
Let me enfold you."
Here I am, Here I am, waiting to hold you

This song is sang by the ridiculously talented Elizabeth Fraser, a Scottish singer and one helluva talented woman. She sings in a traditional Scottish style called "Puirt a beul", which basically means she emphasizes the way the music should sound over the actual lyrics themselves. The notes of the song are more important than the words; which at times can be annoying (because when I first heard this song, I couldn't tell if it was English, French, etc.) but it's also incredibly beautiful.

I first heard this song watching "The Lovely Bones", a movie that was more "meh" than "marvelous". But when this song came on at a pivotal part in the movie, it was a truly touching scene - Peter Jackson's colorful, crazy, CGI world somehow managed to match perfectly with this song from the early 80s. It was a very moving moment during the movie, and this song got stuck in my head. Not enough that I could remember it, partly because I couldn't understand it, but thankfully after a little blog-hopping, I've found it once more.

And I'll treasure it forever. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous song.

this video never gets old

Warms the cockles of my heart.