Evening Walks with Birdie

Getting this dog was the best thing we've done in awhile. For me, she's the perfect fit to our family + she is everything you could want in a family dog or any dog for that matter. I am comforted by her presence, it just feels right having her around.

 

In the evenings, when the boys are finally asleep, the girls and I sneak off for a few minutes of time alone. We walk the gravel road towards the cabin. We pick wild berries. We jump over fresh piles of cow manure. We throw rocks in the creek. It's all the stereotypes of "country living" that, in my mind, comprise the perfect ending to any day.

 

I look forward to those stolen minutes, before the girls go to bed and the rest of the evening chores (or the couch) call my name. The sun has set, but the world is still lit in this beautiful warm haze. Stars are just beginning to fade through the sky. Rhealen always looks for the moon. I've taught Sidney how to cover it up by using her thumb and closing one eye. Like clockwork, they do their routines.

 

Birdie follows along beside us, through our legs and against our bodies before darting up the hill. I think she enjoys these evening walks, too. She runs and stretches and sniffs the entire time we walk. I have to keep reminding the girls to let her be, she'll come back when she's done. They call to her constantly, and she always obliges, tiring her little body out in double the time.

Of course having a dog is more work, another being to care for -- but Birdie makes it easy. She is never demanding, always gentle and so easy going. She was made for us.

 

I wanted a dog so badly for so long, and just like that, I found the perfect one. She fits into our family as perfectly as those evening walks we share.

"Three" on Friday

Today out little Nugget, miss Rhealen Jo, is three years old!!

You can read her birth story here...

And instead of "Five on Friday", in the spirit of celebrating RJ, here are three of my favorite (random) posts about our dear little daughter.

"Getting up with Rhealen has been fairly easy so far, and dare I say it: enjoyable. Of course, that will probably all change once it comes time for me to go back to work (oh, if only I didn't have to go back to work). I love our time together, while Justin and Sidney are snoozing away in bed together, Rhealen and I have free reign of the house. To do what we please, to listen to music and dance, or watch bad late night TV together or just sit and stare at each other if we want. It's our time, our incredibly special time together. And it's nice to have these precious hours to bond, to really get to know each other and trust each other and love one another better." - The Secret Life of Mothers and Babies Who Don't Sleep Through The Night...Yet

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"In those moments, I know she is happy - she is at peace with the storm within her. I thank my lucky stars she is mine. I feel so honored to be guiding her and to be guided by her. I do my best to mold and teach her daily, but in the usual way, it is she who teaches me.

My sleeping tornado. My Rhealen Jo" - *****

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"Sitting on the couch, Rhealen snuggled up against my chest, and the house barely lit in the early morning. I had just finished getting us ready for the day, and the little gal was still trying to wake herself up - moments of cuddling and sweetness don't happen often, so I try to soak them up as much as I can.

And that's when I lost it for a minute.

I made myself stop and be grateful for her, to remind myself that I am so happy I am her mother and appreciate the magnitude of what it means to be someone's mother. I have felt such guilt lately, such total mom guilt, because I'm making my sweet baby girl a middle child in just a few weeks, and she has no idea what's about to happen." - Good Dose of Mom-Guilt

Today, she is three...

Happiest of birthdays, my little one -- even though you always look a little sour on the outside, I know you're the sweetest of the sweet on the inside! 

Pushing Through, Looking for the Love

Tender moments between these two remind me what it's all really about -- in the midst of tantrums and bloody noses and deafening screams...there are these little blips of love. 

I am hopeful that underneath all this sibling squabbling there are relationships forming -- loving, holy, unyielding bonds of love forming between sisters and brothers and brothers and sisters.  

This is a very loud moment in our lives -- a five-month-old who has found his raging cry-voice. A one-year-old who has decided tantrums are the "it" thing and who uses his hands to slap, scratch and pull hair. A nearly three-year-old who is so stubborn, she'd cut off her nose to spite her face. And a six-year-old with a diva attitude to rival that of a sixteen-year-old. 

It all makes for lots of tears and struggles, and honestly, it's just not a very fun place. That's not to say all days are hard; honestly, the majority of days are pretty good. Not always great, but moderately good and manageable, and with a family this large, that's all a momma can ask for. 

So I'm treasuring the moments of peace and tenderness. I know this time is short and precious, but it's also loud as hell and makes me want to pull my hair out. 

50/50

Mighty, Little RJ*

 What I wouldn't give to spend ten minutes inside this little gal's head >> she is quite the talker these days! 

Justin made the comment he'd like to know all the things she doesn't say -- but I don't think she ever has a thought to cross her mind that doesn't leave her lips! 

She has a million and one questions a day, repeats herself unnecessarily, and can drive a good preacher to cuss with her pestering. But that little voice is so sweet, it's hard to stay too mad at her for too long. 

When babies are teeny, you dream of them being able to talk to you, if for no other reason than to tell you when they're hurting >> Rhealen tells you everything: when she's hungry, when she's tired, when she wants something, when she poops, when her siblings are being naughty. The girl tells all! 

 It's so exciting to think she'll be turning three in just a few short weeks >> these past three years have flown by, and while she's hasn't grown that much in stature, her brain (and heart) sure have grown by leaps and bounds. She amazes me daily with that intelligent (and sassy) little mouth! 

Trouble Doubled {R+J}

These two, my little blonde bombshells, are quite the pair >> they are trouble doubled, fire and gasoline, push and pull. One starts the other going, and then they're off together, loud little voices and big footed stomps through the house. 

They are always into something together. They are always fighting over the same thing. They are always laughing at each other. Being the middle two and only nineteen months apart seems to serve them well. Jaxon is almost as big as Rhealen, and I get the feeling if things continue as they are, he'll be bigger than her by the end of the summer. He is a bruiser in demeanor and strength; she is burly in personality and spunk. Her heart matches his head, if that makes any sense :) 

I love this duo, as trying as they are, and I'm so glad they're partners in crime. At least they're never in trouble alone! 

Spring Photos '14

After a few weekends of bad weather and then busy last-minute plans, we finally got ourselves together and got our photos taken! Stephanie, our resident family photographer, came down and chased us around our yard and little church next door, and we got some decent shots. 

I say "decent" because my two of my children, who need not be named as evidenced below, are so not into having their picture taken. To capture a smile from them on camera is akin to capturing photos of bigfoot -- it doesn't happen, and when it does, it's probably a conspiracy behind camera. 

But nevertheless, this is our family, our six pack, as we live and breathe and in total 100% honesty, flaws and all. At least we have some photos to look back on, and laugh about, for years to come. 

'Til next time! 

And my favorite family photo of the day, even though RJ has her eyes half-closed and Jaxon looks mad as hell and poor Toby isn't even aware of what's going on. 

Still my favorite, my family in a nutshell!

And from last spring to this spring -- Justin hates doing these "walk away" corny shots, but I love them, especially now that I have two to compare side-by-side. 

Sidney Morgan 6.5, Rhealen Jo 2.8

Both of the girls have changed so much since I last updated on them individually (here and here) -- but duh! of course they're totally different. I could update on them daily, and it'd be something new every day.

Every day they grow and shift and reach new levels. Every single day is a new adventure with these two ladies!

4

Four peas in a pod.

Four unique beings tied by the strings of my heart. I created these little humans (with a little help from my husband, if I must give credit where credit is due!) - I grew them within me. I felt them move for the first time, felt their hiccups. I labored with them, delivered them safely into this great big world with all the wishes and hopes and dreams a momma can have for her babies. 

Four times over I was lucky enough to create life, to deliver life, to nourish a dream into reality. 

My four. The final four. 

2013 - Year in Review

I'm a little last posting this (I like posting them around the first of the year) but better late than never! 

You can see 2012 HERE and 2011 HERE.

::JANUARY::

2013 started out with a bang for us - our little Jaxon Leon arrived a little earlier than anticipated on the 9th :) We adjusted to life with three kiddos, played in the snow, and

::FEBRUARY::

As blogging goes with a new baby, things were erratic and hairbrained! I shared little things that made me happy, random updates on our new normal, and did my best to find "me" again.

::MARCH::

By March I was back on my blogging game! I managed to wish my dear husband "happy birthday" while ranting about Prop8, kept up with the weekly TT posts, did updates on both girls, and posted a cute little video of Rhealen.

::APRIL::

We moved into our house, which was the biggest joy of the month, for sure! I talked about finally having a son, I tried to keep things honest talking about the sucky parts of life, and the world lost a music legend (RIP Possum!)

::MAY::

I compared my "apples to oranges" daughters, shared some photos taken with my Dad+family, got a little sappy thinking about the future for our children, and my "butch" celebrated another birthday (as did my BFF/cousin, Dobby!)

::JUNE::

June was an exciting month for sure! Our little "Nugget" RJ turned TWO, Jaxon started his "pirate look" to combat a lazy eye, we went to the Knoxville zoo, our sweet Dobby got married (!!), and Sidney finished up Kindergarten with a bang!

::JULY::

My one and only post for the entire month of July was Jaxon's monthly update post -- at least I got that one in!!

::AUGUST::

August was the month of random updates apparently, but sometimes that's the best way to document life! Sidney finished up her first summer of swim lessons, I professed my continued love for non-traditional engagement rings (and the hope that my girls follow in my footsteps!), our dear Gran hit the big 5-0!, and Jaxon & Rhealen grew closer, which totally melted my momma heart :)

::SEPTEMBER::

The month of September is always a busy (and fun!) one - Sidney Morgan turned SIX, we all fell in love with Ylvis and "The Fox", I talked about pregnancy hemorrhoids, that sweet husband and I celebrated another anniversary (10 years of being together!), we had family photos taken, I wrote a heartfelt post about being on the fertile side of infertility and my struggles with what to (or not to) say, and I turned 25!!

::OCTOBER::

October brought The Walking Dead back into our zombie-void lives (hallelujah!) - I talked about some crazy pregnancy brain I was having, I really kicked it with the TT posts, and of course, Halloween was celebrated - I even did an awesome TBT post about it!

::NOVEMBER::

I recapped about the time the girls and I trekked to Tweetsie Railroad with Gran & Pops, talked about thriving versus surviving with three kids, fell in love with random country songs, posted about my sleeping tornado of a daughter, and about what it's like having a not-a-baby-anymore baby girl!

::DECEMBER::

I ended the year getting "creative" in the kitchen, got big and pregnant and took the same selfie I had taken over two years ago with RJ (same bathroom & everything!), we bought a new Christmas tree, I lamented the last month of my boy being a baby before he celebrates his first birthday next month, and we had a wonderful Christmas off-line and in-tune with what really matters!

And surprise! On the very last day of December, our little boy was born, shocking us all -- he was early and he was a "HE". All that time spent preparing for our Jameson ended up with us meeting our Toby. The best end of the year gift anyone could ask for!

I love, love, love doing these "end of the year" recaps -- even when I haven't been the best blogger in the land, I still love looking back over a year's worth of moments and memories that might've fallen into oblivion if I hadn't taken the time to screen cap them!

Back to Work...Soon!

Next week marks my last week of maternity leave -- and I feel conflicted. I am so beyond ready to go back to work, to be in a normal routine of what I know and love; I can't wait to get back to my desk and back to my job and interact with other adults on a daily basis. But I am going to miss my babies. I'm going to miss the little moments that happen daily, the things only I can really appreciate as a momma. Our days are sometimes long and maddening, but they're never "dull" -- keeping up with these kiddos is a full time job in itself, especially the tag team trouble of Rhealen + Jaxon.

Those two.....world look out.

I'm going to miss my Toby snuggles, my sweet baby that is so calm and happy. I'm going to miss so much, literal and figuratively speaking.

I love working and I'm thankful to have a job to help support our family, but I admit sometimes I think it'd be nice to stay home full time (although I don't know if I'm cut out for it) -- my hat is off to those mommas and poppas who stay home with their children, y'all are boss!

I plan to really focus and enjoy my last week home -- but I'm also focusing on getting back to work and diving back in head first. 

And because no post is complete without some photos, here's a photo dump of what it looks like hanging at home:

lately

A good blogger would have posted an official Thanksgiving review post complete with lovely photos and tidbits of a glorious day. I am not a good blogger....obviously!

Our day was glorious, the food delicious, the family wonderful -- but I didn't take any photos. As goes of late, Justin and I are too busy taking turns stuffing our faces and chasing our kids to do much official photo-taking. It's something I want to remedy -- snap a picture (or maybe even two!) each holiday. 

We shall see...

Anyway, here's a generic "lately" post, which I haven't done in quite a while -- but something needs to go here, so here goes:

Our new Christmas tree! We upgraded this year and bought a 7.5 ft fancy KMart pre-lit monstrostiy - and I love it. This was taken pretty much straight out of the box before we fluffled any branches or added any ornaments. Still so pretty (and yes, I admit, this year I put up the tree two weeks before Thanksgiving - WHO AM I?!) 

To make room for the above-seen Christmas tree, we had to rearrange our living room a little -- Rhealen is very pleased with the new arrangement and has taken to sitting like this often. She's an odd ball, little thing.

He is THE cutest little thing in hats and beanies and toboggans, but he absolutely HATES wearing them - you have to tie them tight up under his chin and even then, he's figured out how to wiggle out of them. 

Oh, these two -- two of a kind, exactly alike, cut from the same cloth. You know the old sayings. They play better together than any daddy + daughter duo you've ever seen, but they also fight like cats and dogs. Living with the oldest one here has taught me a lot about how to raise the youngest one. Lord help me!

This is the "cake" I made for Thanksgiving dinner - and I use the term cake loosely, because it's more a chocolate catastrophe covered in Reece's Pieces. It worked, I guess. (I wouldn't know, I don't like chocolate!)

Cutie! And this one likes hats :)

Justin went out of town this past Saturday to visit some extended family, so while the Daddy was away -- Buddy got let in to play! Justin is very anti-dog-in-the-house (something about allergies! psh!) but we snuck in our favorite pooch for some kisses. It was a cold morning anyway! 

These two enjoy time spent in the kitchen with me - they'll gladly lick spoons and bowls and taste-test 'til they're stuffed. 

My sweet boy & me before the morning drop-off :) 

*****

She is the one I dread waking each morning - the one who greets the day with piss and vinegar and a total disdain for the rising sun. 

She is curled in a ball some mornings, her legs tucked up under her small body, little bare toes peeking out from underneath her bottom. Some mornings she is scattered, sprawled in a half dozen different directions of tangled legs and arms and hair. 

She is warm and pink and has the slightest smell of sweet candy about her, candy that was no doubt eaten in her bed, in the dark, in the last moments before bedtime. 

The little thief. The sneaky one. The sleeping tornado. 

I try and try to coax her awake, gently calling her name at first, soft and loving and full of hope that maybe this is the morning she'll wake up full of sunshine and butterflies. 

Silence. 

So I call again, a little louder. And then a little louder. And a little more sternly. Until finally, I'm yelling her name and cursing her morning habits and thinking why can't she be more like her siblings? 

But she isn't. No matter how much I wish or will it to be, she just isn't my morning glory child. She is ill and cantankerous and grouchy and all the old adjectives used to describe a slumbering bear or "old coot". 

She is vile, a true morning grinch, through and through. 

But while she sleeps, in those last few moments before she wakes up, she is peaceful. She is angelic. She is perfectly golden in the early morning light. 

I kiss her cheeks and lips. I feel her chest rise and fall, watch her legs and arms stretch and retreat. I brush the hair from her forehead, kneel down beside her bed and take her close to my heart once more. I remind myself she is perfect as she is, and these quirks make her just so. 

All of this personality and spunk will serve her well - she will grow into the human being she is meant to be, flaws and all, and these little fits of spirit that fight against my temper almost daily will one day prove to be what makes her.

In the moments of fit and rage, I try to remember her as the sleeping toddler. Perfectly content in her bed, surrounded by a dozen blankets and pillows and toys. I envision her deep in her dreams and picture her soul as calm as the sea. 

In those moments, I know she is happy - she is at peace with the storm within her. I thank my lucky stars she is mine. I feel so honored to be guiding her and to be guided by her. I do my best to mold and teach her daily, but in the usual way, it is she who teaches me.

My sleeping tornado. My Rhealen Jo. 

Thriving vs Surviving

Previously, I touched on the subject of finding my groove, especially when it comes to our morning and night routines. With the recent time change, that groove has been shaken up, so while we're still in the middle of readjusting, things are getting closer to what I would call our new normal. 

Part of this new normal means I've been working really hard to get in bed as early as possible and soak up every second of sleep while I can. With the impending arrival of another baby, I know sleep is precious at this point, and I don't want to waste any of it, as selfish as that sounds! :)

With an earlier bedtime, I'm finding it easier to get up with Jaxon and his new wake-up time of 6:00 AM (thank you ever so much, daylight savings time!) -- it's even given me the opportunity to spend a few extra minutes with Justin, seeing as how he tries to be out the door by 5:30 when he can, but sometimes stumbles around and doesn't leave 'til 6:00. That's an especially nice bonus because he's been working 14 hour days here lately, and it's really hard not spending any time with him -- I know the kids miss him, even though the girls would probably never admit it!

All of this is to say, I am the primary parent to our kids most of the time -- they spend the majority of their day with me, and I'm the sole person responsible for making sure they're ready in the morning and put to bed at night. It can be exhausting, for sure, and some days it does start to feel like more of a chore than a delight. I'm doing my best to really try to be present in each moment with my kids (no matter how mundane they may be) because this is my life, the life I've wanted and chosen and dreamed of. These are my kids, all four of these little rascals, and as chaotic and wild as it can be, these are my moments to enjoy. 

Sure, bath time can be monotonous, and no one enjoys changing a diaper for the 100th time (it seems) that day -- but even these little moments present opportunities to relish and enjoy. I try to remind myself to enjoy all of it -- even when the kids are screaming and I've stuck my hand in the messy diaper and supper is boiling over on the stove and there's homework to be done and bedtime was supposed to be thirty minutes ago. It's easy to lose sight of the joy a large family can bring when you're in those moments -- and it's even easier to just whisk through all of it on autopilot. 

So much of parenting is a checklist of cleaning, feeding, organizing, refereeing, over and over, day after day. It gets old quick...if you let it. 

I'm doing my best to not let it be just a checklist, but more of a bucket list that's never ending, always repeating but with new items, new moments to treasure and keep. Every day is a new list, a clean slate, the fresh opportunity to do the best I can and enjoy all of it to the best of my ability. 

Absolutely, I fail. I get lost in the shuffle, and I complain to my mom and other mom-friends (and to Twitter) about how HARD this is -- because it is hard, and I'm exhausted and the kids are just wiiiiiiild. That's life, that's my everyday normal, and I know there are going to be plenty more days like that. Momma said there'd be days like this....

I just remind myself, it's all in how I choose to handle it -- and for most of the days, I like to think I choose joy. I choose to enjoy and thrive, not just survive.

And I hope these little tykes know just how much their momma adores them! 

Tweetsie

A few Sundays ago, Gran & Pops loaded us ladies up and took off to Blowing Rock, NC to visit Tweetsie Railroad -- we tried to go once before earlier in the summer, but the rain stopped us before we ever even made it to the park.

This time, it only rained for about the first five minutes we were there, and then we enjoyed nothing but clear skies and mild temps the entire day! 

As you can see, the girls obviously had a blast -- I'd highly recommend Tweetsie Railroad to any family in the region looking for a great little getaway!


***A funny little sidenote: Sidney insisted she and Rhealen wear their tye-dye t-shirts -- every year, my mom's third grade class takes a field trip to Tweetsie and make their own shirts to wear for the trip. Most years, Sidney gets to tag along, too, and she always makes her own shirt (Rhealen got a shirt made, too, even though she didn't go on the field trip) -- it was just too cute that Sidney was so insistent they wear their "field trip" shirts that day, too :)