A lot of people think I don't filter my life (online) I do try very hard to keep things as authentic as possible -- I don't like "pretending" or "glossing" and I want to document our lives as honestly as possible. I don't see the point in staging perfected photos or excluding details that aren't 100% rosy -- they are our story, all the million and one moments that happen, good/bad/whatever. 

But there are some things I keep to myself; my usual rule of thumb is to not share anything I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with a friend or coworker. I don't talk about "naughty" things here, and I don't like to discuss my personal beliefs (too heavily, although I am guilty of getting caught up in the heat of the moment from time to time) -- I do try to censor out things that might be embarrassing for the kids later down the road, and I don't really talk about Justin in much detail (he's not one for living a socially interactive lifestyle) -- and as a result, I don't talk about the fighting we do, which isn't often, but sure is intense when it does happen. 

And I'm really only posting this right now to remind myself later on that we did fight (duh!) -- we were ugly and mean and things were not always rosy. We pushed and pulled and threw our hands up in the air. But, obviously, we didn't give up. We kept our vows and found a way to push onward. 

Marriage is hard, y'all. 

But I married my soul mate, my best friend -- and while we know each other too well (and use that knowledge to cut to the quick in the heat of battle!) -- we love each other; stupid, ridiculous, crushing amounts. I love my husband, the father of my children, the hands I love to hold and the heart that matches mine. There will be more fighting, more harsh words, more tears. It's part of the deal: marriage, not for the faint of heart. 

My only hope is that we look back on this time in our marriage and remind ourselves of just how close we were to the edge. I hope we can remember the way it felt, the fear we both had -- and I hope we learn, together, the best way to fix our broken pieces. 

S'MORE

Ten years ago today, on a chilly night after a football game, I kissed that boy of mine in the backseat of my grand-parent's handicapped van. I kissed him and I meant it. And I've meant every kiss from that night 'til now. 

It's that day of the year -- the day I wax poetic about the love I have for my husband and how he's the best of the best and there'll never be another man for me. 

And all that's true, for sure. 

And lord knows I love to ramble on and on about the lovey dovey things in life. 

But I'm not going to -- not today. Not too much, at least. 

Today, four years ago, I stood in front family and friends and vowed to be married to my husband for better or worse. And I meant it. And he meant it, too. So here we are, four years later, keeping the vows we promised to each other and to our loved ones. And through it all -- the best of the better and the worst of the worse -- we have loved each other. From last year's anniversary to today's, there have been quite a few uphill/downhill moments for us. But I know now, more than I ever knew before, that I am so loved. I am safe in my marriage. I am undeservingly blessed with a husband who loves me, and I honestly don't think I could rid myself of him if I tried. Not that I'd ever want to -- Justin is as much a part of me as my hand or heart. He's not an extension of me but rather the completing piece. It's that simple and that complicated. 

And I said I wasn't going to ramble, so I'm stopping. Right now. Promise. 

Happy anniversary, babe. Thank you for this life you've created with me. 

Here's to all that we kissed, And all that we missed To the biggest mistakes, That we just wouldn't trade To us breaking up, Without us breaking down To whatever's comin' our way - here's to us :)

Reflection of a Marriage

"It's natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can let go of the idea that marriage is temporary -- and will end if certain awful conditions are met -- the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress." - Lydia Netzer: 15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

Last Wednesday, Justin and I celebrated our third anniversary. Three years of wedded "bliss" and a grand total of nine years "together". There have many ups and downs, ins and outs, you vs. me that has happened between us over the years. There are battle wounds that will never completely heal but remain within us, reminding us of where we've been and how far we've come...and how far we can still go.

After reading Lydia Netzer's article, I found myself doing some reflection, and I realized: for three years I've been holding my breath, waiting to see if this really was marriage. Justin and I are definitely out of the "newlywed" phase of our marriage and have settled into this comfortable space of being. It's familiar and easy and, most of the time, requires little from either of us to make it work.

Of course, there are the days when the space between us feels endless - as if we know each other too well and are too comfortable in this marriage. We know each other inside and out, and yet we look at each other and can't find a trace of recognition in each other.

It's a startling realization, when after almost a decade together, you make a new discovery about your significant other. Startling and wonderful, in a way, because it reminds you - you don't know it all. Not yet. There are still mysteries to solve, layers to peel back and surprises to behold.

Within this new space of comfort and ease, I have to force myself to admit that I am guilty of thinking in definite time periods. Justin and I made it three years - will we make it five? Ten? Twelve? Where is the finish line and just how far do I really think I can make it beside him? The romantic inside me has no problem imagining a life with him forever, gray and old and surrounded by our grand-children, still madly in love with a lifetime of faithful, warm memories tucked under our belt. But the realist in me says otherwise; her voice is there, nagging at me with statistics and an attitude of "this will end...eventually" because so many marriages do.

It's hard to let those thoughts go and allow myself to believe, to truly envelope myself in the idea that this marriage will last. Forever. That Justin is my husband, one and only, and I'll never refer to him as my "first husband". It's terrifying, and quite honestly, I'm not sure how people do it. It's only natural to want to protect our hearts; to wrap a little piece of doubt up and keep it tucked away. Just so when things go south, we can pull out that little doubt and remind ourselves we knew this was an eventuality. It was only a matter of time. Being prepared, even in some small way, has to soften the blow. Doesn't it?

I realize some marriages end in divorce and for good reason. It's the only choice left to be made, and in many cases, is the right choice. People change, love is lost and, sometimes, it really is no one's fault. You can give your heart and soul to someone, work on your marriage everyday for years, and in the end, it just doesn't work. That doesn't make you or your marriage a failure, it's only a natural progression of living and being with someone. All things come to an end, eventually, one way or another, whether it be death that does you apart or the span of time and hearts that grow apart and never back together.

Knowing all this makes it even harder for me to clear the cobwebs of doubt and let myself believe I'm in this for the long haul. And so is Justin. We're in this together, and I have to trust that the bottom isn't going to fall out. Things aren't going to fall by the wayside, and no matter what happens in our marriage, it will be still be our marriage at the end of the day. He will always be my husband.

It's going to take some time to really believe this. "They" say it takes 21 days to form a new habit, so for the next 21 days I'm going to wake up every day and commit to my husband again. And I refuse to let myself think it terms that aren't infinite, binding, and full of love.

{happy anniversary}

I was looking through old photos of me and Justin trying to find one I liked enough to include in this post. At first I kept looking through the sweet ones and the "kissing" ones -- but I quickly realized that's not the everyday reality of us. We're goofy, odd -- people openly tell us how we're not a normal couple (whatever normal is). It would feel weird to include a picture-perfect, lovey-dovey picture in this post. Because 98% of the time, that's just not us.

We're more like this:

{2008}

 

And this:

{2008}

 

I think those that know us would say this is an accurate description of us:

{2008}

 

 

 

 

Apparently he has a closed-eye problem:

{2009}

 

I'm fairly certain we couldn't take a good picture if our lives depended upon it:

{2009}

 

There's a million and one more pictures I could show you. It's amazing how much we've changed since 2003. We were just sophomores when we started dating on Sept. 19th, 2003 -- then six years later we tied the knot, Sept. 19th, 2009. And now here we are, two years married and eight years together, Sept. 19th, 2011. Sometimes I can't believe we've made it this far; g-d knows there were plenty of ups and downs along the way. But here we are.

Two years. Two beautiful daughters. Two crazy kids still in love.

{2011}

 

And sometimes we even get the "sweet" parts right.

Tomorrow is our anniversay. Two years married, eight years together. It's been an incredible journey -- one I'll write about a little more tommorrow.

Today, we spent an amazing day together -- lunch and shopping and Starbucks and an afternoon filled with playtime with the girls. I couldn't imagine a better day with a better man by my side.

I got my first pair of Rayban Wayfarers today!!

Such a good husband.

climbing on my wedding-related soapbox.

{Pardon the rant.}

I saw a billboard today that made me want to pull over to the side of the road and burn the thing down - I was that enraged (and I'm still not sure why I got so mad in the first place, but I digress). A local bank has a new ad out for their personal loans depicting three "everyday" scenarios in which you might need to get a loan: buying a house, buying a car, and a wedding. A WEDDING.

Since when did someone need to take out a loan to pay for a wedding?! I realize in this day and age of reality TV shows like Platinum Weddings and Four Weddings and Bridezilla engaged women are exposed to one wedding after the other, day in and day out. But seriously? There is no need to take out a second mortgage on your house to get hitched. There's no need to outdo everyone within a 50-mile radius of your house with the grandest, most expensive wedding. There's no need!

If couples (I'll say couples, because some grooms-to-be might be in on this insane trend) spent half of their time focused on the marriage as opposed to the wedding, our national divorce rate might drop significantly. Why do people feel like they have to have top-of-the-line weddings, no matter what that means for their bank accounts?

I don't get it. Justin and I had a low-key wedding that didn't cost an arm and a leg. Mom and I did a lot of DIY projects and used local family and friends to make our wedding feel "homey" and special. His Mom (and sister and Aunt) catered, a friend of ours made our cakes, a friend of the family was our DJ, we had our reception in my Mamaw's backyard and my bridesmaid made all of our favors (you can read more about our wedding HERE). It was wonderful, to be supported and surrounded by people who loved us and made our day possible.

All I'm trying to say is focus on the person you're marrying - put your energy and time into having a great marriage, not just a great wedding. There's no need for you to drain all your hard-earned cash on some lavish party that's over before you can blink. Have a good wedding - have a wedding that represents who you are and how you feel. Make it as wonderful as you want, but don't buy into the notion that you have to pay big bucks to make that happen! It's all about the person you love and the road that lies before you. No dress or cake or venue can outshine the love you (should) feel for your fiance. So don't even try to let it.

I can't believe I'm so heated about this topic, but here I am - mad at our society for feeling like this. I think I'll just boycott WE TV for awhile so I don't have to think about it.

{find someone}

Find someone who makes you smile every day -- someone who isn't afraid to be silly and make fart jokes. {Fart jokes will always make you smile.}

Find someone who will keep your secrets, become a partner in crime.{You need a Wayne to your Garth, always.}

Find someone who knows what you're thinking before you ever think of it yourself. {You can learn so much about yourself looking through someone else.}

Find someone you can look at across the room and know they're thinking of inside jokes and stories to tell when you find yourselves alone again. {Inside jokes are one of the best things about relationships.}

Find someone who will support you -- someone who will hold you for a moment before falling asleep but roll over and let you have the majority of room in bed. {Everyone loves to cuddle, but it's no fun being tangled up all night long.}

Find someone who will give you the remote, even when they're in the middle of watching something. {There is no sweeter gesture in the world.}

Find someone who will call you throughout the day just to say "hey, I love you". {There will be moments when those are the only words you'll need to hear and they'll come at the exact moment you need to hear them.}

Find someone who's willing to work at a relationship, willing to admit that life is full of ups and downs, but it's commitment that counts. {Life is hard on your own, even harder when you're with someone.}

Find someone who's imperfect and flawed but all the more beautiful because of it. {No one's perfect and it's no fun dating Superman, I don't care what Lois Lane says.}

Find someone who finds you irresistable. {Cheap Trick was onto something when they sang, "I want you to want me"...}

Find someone who loves you, above all other things and isn't afraid to let you know it every moment of every day. {Love is all you need, kid.}

{My sweet girls, find someone who treats you like the little ladies you are.}

to be married

Married life.

Everything you'd ever need to know wrapped up in an animated kid's movie clip that's less than five minutes long. When Sidney asks me what married life is like someday, I'm going to make her watch this clip over and over again.



It really is that sweet. And amazing. And hard. And up. And down. It really, really is.

And it's all worth it.

kind of lonely

My dear husband is working seven day shifts right now, and to say that I'm starting to "miss" him would be an understatement. He's always busy and always tired because he's so busy - there's so many conflicting emotions bouncing around within me right now, I just feel frustrated and confused.

I'm grateful he has a job. I can remember all too well being in that fog of unemployment and not knowing where things were headed. I so glad he has a steady paycheck and job security right now, it's an all-comforting feeling. I feel guilty for missing him while he works when I know there are plenty of spouses out there missing their loves for big chunks of time, for example deployment or jobs on the road. At least my husband is home every night - sure he's dog dead tired and collapses into bed before it's dark outside most nights. But he's home, and I can see him. I can smell him and hold him and stare at him for hours while he sleeps if I want to. I feel selfish and juvenile for feeling bad in the first place - this is life, this is the real world. We're grown-ups now, and this isn't eleventh grade anymore. This is just how it works, and I've got to get over the school-girl feelings.

But I mostly I feel kind of lonely. I do love my husband and even though people like to question our marriage sometimes (before he was working this shift, people would say we didn't spend any time together and that made us weird), this is my marriage and I treasure it. It just doesn't feel right right now - it's all funked up. And I really don't like it.

boots

They're not combat boots. There's not anything extra special about these boots. They are merely the boots of the man I love, the man who goes to work every day for our family to provide for us. He's strong. He's dependable. Just like his boots. The wear of his work shows on his body. Just like his boots. He's strong up front and soft in the middle. Just like his boots. I love these boots. I love everything they stand for and everything they mean for our family. I'm proud of these boots, and I'm extra proud of the man who wears them...

cuddle up

I am not a cuddler. At all. In fact, I'm such an anti-cuddler I usually enjoy having Sidney sleep between Justin and me so that there's zero chance at cuddling. I want him on his side of the bed, under his own blanket, using his own pillow. I don't want his arm on me or his leg flopped over on me (which he *loves* to do) or him spooning me.

No, I want none of that. Call me crazy, it's okay. But I'll wear the "no cuddling" badge proudly, seeing as how I'm probably one of the only girls in the world that despises cuddling....

99% of the time.

There are some nights, however, where the only place I want to be is wrapped up with my husband. I want his body to form to mine and our hands and legs to be twisted in so many ways he becomes me and I become him. For our noses to be touching, our breathing to become rhythmic. There are some nights, once in a blue moon, when I want to be a cuddler. It doesn't happen often, but the nights it does, my husband always obliges (I think he's a serial closet cuddler).

Last night was one of those nights. Sidney was gone for the night, I came home late (after watching Eclipse again), and Justin was already asleep in bed. Maybe it was the silly romantic movie or the idea of actually sleeping alone in our bed together, but I was lovedrunk. I wanted to cuddle. And cuddle we did.

And it was the sweetest.

(source)

Sometimes I feel weird talking about my relationship with Justin with you all. It's easier to talk about parenting and Sidney, but I feel like I'm toeing this precious line with what I share about my marriage. Shouldn't that be backwards? I should feel more wary about what I share about my child, right? Maybe it's because at this point, I know Sidney and I won't ever have a conversation about what I wrote on my blog today. And sometimes Justin sends me text messages or starts a conversation with, "don't put this on your blog, okay?".

But he never said I couldn't talk about the cuddling. And oh, the cuddling.

apparently I enjoy the "crazy"

Because my life isn't totally bonkers enough at the moment, Justin and I bought Sidney two hampsters and a fish last night.

Pause for reaction (and head-exploding).

That means we have three humans and five pets living in a 1980s singlewide. Well, technically the dogs live outside, but you catch my drift, right? We're crazy, that's the only thing I can think to say.

But Sidney loves them and seeing her smile is good enough reason for me. We've named the red beta fish Goldie (Sid's idea) and the hampsters Fuzzy (again, Sid's idea) and Flo (my idea). Our pet-naming skills are obviously all over the place because now we've got Archie, Jace, Goldie, Fuzzy and Flo. None of it makes any sense.

And speaking of Archie and Jace, it's been awhile since I've shared any pictures of our sweet boys, so here's some recent ones from the weekend.

Jace



My handsome, sweet, tender-hearted little guy - he's my big baby and he lets Archie know it. He's jealous and protective and the best guard dog ever. Once when Mom came to pick SidMo up, Jace wouldn't let Mom near her and tried to corral her back up the hill towards our house. He loves having his picture taken and loves being the center of attention 24/7.

Archie



Archie on the other hand, refuses to cooperate. He hates having his picture taken, hates even sitting still for too long. He's always into something, dragging stuff out into the yard, shredding newspapers, etc. Whenever I get up off the swing to walk back into the house, Archie runs off the porch and just looks at me - like he's terrified I might actually reach down and pet him before I go back in the house. He's nuts, to say the least, and that's why he's Justin's dog moreso than mine.

These animals, I love them - all of them equally already. I'm a fierce devotee to having furry critters around the house at all times, so I enjoy it.

Justin on the other hand might just divorce me if I bring home one more thing to live in or at our house.

P & V

You know it's going to be a good blog post when I'm talking about my husband's penis and its nothing to do with anything even remotely sexual. Like, at all.

Sidney has a peaked interest in anatomy lately. And I'm totally comfortable with being completely naked in front of her and always have been. Maybe it's because we're both girls, I don't really know. But when she's asked about something I've always been honest. I've never sugar-coated anything or given a body part some silly nickname. I'm just pretty blatant with her and I don't make a big deal ouf of her body-oriented questions.

Justin on the other hand is totally different. He refuses to be naked in front of her, which I understand. It might be different on a father/daughter level or something. I get it. And since she's never seen her father naked, she's never really asked any questions about it. But she's seen our boy puppies and she's been asking questions about them recently.

And she's put two and two together that boys have the same tools, whether human or dog. So she knows daddy's equipment is different than our girly equipment. (Side notes: She calls it "pe-nits" and she suprised me with the ball question on Archie the other night, as he was lying on his back letting her rub his belly and she was all 'what's these?' - I was put on the spot so I just said his ball and she said 'two balls' and there you go....)

I've told you all of this because the funniest little scene just happened about 10 minutes ago, I wish I would've had a camcorder handy. Justin was about to hop in the shower, a towel around his waist, and Sidney started saying, "where's Daddy's pe-nits? I wanna see 'em.." She then proceeded to chase him through the house trying to sneak a peak!

JUSTIN. FREAKED. OUT.

He now thinks I'm a pretty raunchy mom for teaching my kid a little bit about the birds and the bees at the tender age of two. But I think I'm just being real with her, paving the road to an honest and trustworthy relationship in the future. Hopefully this will cut down on any confusion she has about this obviously very tender subject as she gets older.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I shouldn't be so open with her. I don't know. It's just that she asks a question seriously and I feel there's no harm in answering her questions just as seriously back.

That being said Justin will probably never leave the bedroom without being fully dressed. And we'll be avoiding all conversations about the mysteries of life, the differences between a girl and a boy, and that all too horrifying conversation about the "S" word.

Money Money Money

We got told things like "it's not a marriage until you throw your money together in one pot and mix it all up". Or the ever popular "what his is yours and what yours is his". Everyone gave us advice on how to handle our money, and while we were thankful in a way that others cared enough for us to want nothing but our well being, it slightly annoyed us that everyone thought our way of doing things was the wrong way.
Just because something isn't the "norm" doesn't automatically make it "wrong".

More talk about money over here on BlogHer.

not the best Christmas week ever

I don't want to delve into the subject too deeply because I don't want to sound like I'm whining. I'm a lucky lady, I know that. I have many blessings and I count them daily.

But still yet...Justin got laid off Thursday. We've been expecting it for awhile, but now that it's here the reality of it is surreal. We'll make it through. We might be spread thin and Christmas might not be all we were hoping it'd be for SidMo, but she'll understand. We have each other and that's all that really matters. In the end, that's all that will ever matter.

We're also part of the local community dealing with the rolling power outtage. It's been off since Friday; luckily we were in Columbia until yesterday. Not so lucky for us is the thought that the power might not be turned on until AFTER Christmas. Maybe if we open presents in the dark, SidMo won't notice Santa was kind of puny this year. Maybe not.

No matter though, we're perservering. We will have a wonderful Christmas, celebrating our family and our friendships. SidMo will love the gifts she gets and the time she'll spend with everyone. Even at 2-years-old I think she knows part of the reason for the season (even though she was understanding and excited about Santa and "presnits" this year). I am hopeful for the future. I know Justin will find a way to provide for us through everything. We will overcome this bump in the road the same way we overcome everything in our life: together as one, bound to each other by love, hopeful for tomorrow and all the promises a new day can bring.

marital education thus far

I have been married 80+ days - I think that qualifies me in some small way to speak on what I've learned so far about being married.

#1 - They say you never really know someone until you live with them; I've found that to be true beyond words. I've also found that you never really know your relationship with someone until you've married them. It's such a different relationship, knowing that you're legally bound to someone. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It's no so much a feeling of property or never-ending restraints; it's mostly a feeling of weight and responsibility, but in a good way. It's like the difference between having something bought for you and buying it for yourself: when you've worked for it, made the extra steps and involved yourself in the entire process, you feel more for it. You feel like it's something worth fighting for, something worth maintaining. It has more meaning becase it's something you've earned, not won without reason.

#2 - Marriage is hard. H-A-R-D. Any relationship is hard to maintain over the years, but there's something about maintaining a marriage that seems harder. Maybe it's because you know there's nothing really beyond this step. When you're dating, you dream about what it's like to be engaged. When you're engaged, you dream about what it's like to married. When you're married, you dream about what it's like to divorced. HA! I'm joking, mostly. It's kind of like this is the last stop before forever. This is the final straw, the last hoorah. Every day from here on out is just marriage. And it takes work to keep that marriage going, to keep it strong and rooted in something substantial.

#3 - Comprising isn't very fun at all. Doing something for someone else is fun most of the time - but when it means you have to not do something for yourself in order to do something for the other one, it kind of sucks. It's awful to have to restrain yourself about getting mad about the toilet lid being up all the time; because you have to save your complaints for something more meaningful like actually peeing in the toilet and not on the floor and no I don't care that it was early in the morning and you were half asleep, it's not that hard to keep in the bowl I don't believe you. You have to pick and choose your battles - and that's not always easy.

#4 - There's no reason you can't have a fun relationship with your husband. Justin has always been a comedian; that's part of the reason I love him. He's just a funny, silly, goofy guy and he always has been, ever since we started dating as kids. And for the most part, we're still kids in a lot of ways. We have a lot of fun in our house; I'm not sure if Sidney is the reason for that or not, but she certainly helps keep the atmosphere fun and light and always playful. I know we're only getting older, every day closer and closer to adulthood and further away from our childhoods, and I know we're adults now and we're parents - and with that comes certain adult responsibilities. But that doesn't stop us from being crazy every once in awhile. We wrestle and play and tickle and play tag in the house. We jump on beds and blow bubbles in the bathroom and play hide and seek. We scare each other jumping out from around corners and fart on each other while we're laying on the couch. Maybe we're just a silly little family, but I've discovered it only helps add love and laughter into my relationship with Justin. It keeps us young and keeps us sane putting up with all of this mature/adult crap!

#5 - You have to trust your husband. You have to understand that he is the man you've chosen, the one you want to hold your family together. As much as I love my family and friends, Justin is my husband. It is my duty to support him, to uplift him and to keep him as happy as I can. When we fight, I can't run to my friends and complain. I can't throw our problems around for the rest of the world to judge and discuss. This is our marriage, our struggles, our life. It is up to us to pull through together; it's up to us to be the ones who walk through fire and don't get burnt. It's up to us to be a team and support one another. Sometimes it's hard; all I want to do is gripe and complain about how lousy he's been around the house or how I hate the way he doesn't do all the things I wish he would. But that's just not how you handle things. There has to be some code of secrecy, some private things that exist only between husband and wife. You have to lean on one another before you lean on someone outside your marriage.

As much as I may seem like a pessimist, please don't get me wrong. I love my marriage. I love the ups and downs and insides and outs of being a wife. But I don't sugarcoat things - I don't have a fairytale idea of how things should be. This is my real life, my real marriage. It's not always sunshine every day, and it's not always easy. Some people might say it should just "click" and be smooth and it shouldn't be an uphill battle at any stage during marriage; but those people are either crazy or very lucky if you ask me. I think the majority of us out there have to work at it. Maybe not every day, but there are days when you can feel it. Days that are harder than others; and it's those days you have to make the choice to be present in your marriage. Days when you can't give up or give in. Please understand me, I don't judge anyone. I know it's hard - I know it only gets harder the longer you stay together. Sometimes it gets too hard, and getting out is the only option. But for Justin and I, we've taken that option out of the equation. Divorce isn't an option for us, no matter what. We refuse to give up on each other and on this relationship. We've been through so much already in our six years together, we're pretty confident in each other and in this marriage. We feel that we can make it through whatever obstacles get thrown our way. And we will, as long as we continue to make the effort. I have no doubts about that.

So, yeah, marriage is a battle. There's passion and fire and ice and love. It's a choice. A feeling. An idea of how two people should be together, side by side in love and in marriage. It's fun and funny. It's the stuff of dreams and movies - poems and songs. It's up and down, hard and soft. It's a wild ride, one that I've come to love.

"You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a rollercoaster...up, down, up down - what a ride!...I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it." (Parenthood)