Trouble Doubled {R+J}

These two, my little blonde bombshells, are quite the pair >> they are trouble doubled, fire and gasoline, push and pull. One starts the other going, and then they're off together, loud little voices and big footed stomps through the house. 

They are always into something together. They are always fighting over the same thing. They are always laughing at each other. Being the middle two and only nineteen months apart seems to serve them well. Jaxon is almost as big as Rhealen, and I get the feeling if things continue as they are, he'll be bigger than her by the end of the summer. He is a bruiser in demeanor and strength; she is burly in personality and spunk. Her heart matches his head, if that makes any sense :) 

I love this duo, as trying as they are, and I'm so glad they're partners in crime. At least they're never in trouble alone! 

Spring Photos '14

After a few weekends of bad weather and then busy last-minute plans, we finally got ourselves together and got our photos taken! Stephanie, our resident family photographer, came down and chased us around our yard and little church next door, and we got some decent shots. 

I say "decent" because my two of my children, who need not be named as evidenced below, are so not into having their picture taken. To capture a smile from them on camera is akin to capturing photos of bigfoot -- it doesn't happen, and when it does, it's probably a conspiracy behind camera. 

But nevertheless, this is our family, our six pack, as we live and breathe and in total 100% honesty, flaws and all. At least we have some photos to look back on, and laugh about, for years to come. 

'Til next time! 

And my favorite family photo of the day, even though RJ has her eyes half-closed and Jaxon looks mad as hell and poor Toby isn't even aware of what's going on. 

Still my favorite, my family in a nutshell!

And from last spring to this spring -- Justin hates doing these "walk away" corny shots, but I love them, especially now that I have two to compare side-by-side. 

4

Four peas in a pod.

Four unique beings tied by the strings of my heart. I created these little humans (with a little help from my husband, if I must give credit where credit is due!) - I grew them within me. I felt them move for the first time, felt their hiccups. I labored with them, delivered them safely into this great big world with all the wishes and hopes and dreams a momma can have for her babies. 

Four times over I was lucky enough to create life, to deliver life, to nourish a dream into reality. 

My four. The final four. 

Jaxon's Birth Story (01/09/2013)

This post is 1+ year in the making...I've literally been sitting on it that long! I meant to post this around his first birthday, but it just didn't happen (oops!) So here it finally is, the birth story of my firstborn son...and now I really need to get on Toby's birth story. 


It all started on a Tuesday evening. I was sitting on the couch, just taking it easy and gearing up for bedtime, when I started to feel contractions. Out of the blue, moderately strong, timeable contractions! After never going into labor on my own before, it was quite the shock :) Justin kept side-eyeing me, asking me what I thought was going to happen - I joked we'd either have a baby or the contractions would just go away...

Zzzz..........NOT!

So.........this is what no sleep looks like, eh? 

I would post you a picture of myself looking all baggy-eyed and sleep-deprived, but I don't think a photo would do justice to the way I feel. I'm operating on the most erratic sleep schedule ever right now, fueled by caffeine and some primal instinct to just keep pushing forward. 

Toby has no sleep "schedule" and most nights, his longest continuous sleep stretches only two hours, max. Most of the time it's an hour, sometimes even less -- we've been trying to implement a nighttime routine to help. We've done bathtime and playtime and bottles with cereal. I let him soothe himself to sleep and put on the sound machine. So far, no dice. I know he'll get there, and honestly, I don't have unrealistic expectations that my >2 month old should be sleeping 8-12 hours. I've done this a time or two, I know how all of this works! 

I would just like consistency is all -- knowing I could get two hours consistently would be a blessing at this point (for my sanity) !!

Added to this no-sleeping-Toby mix is my poor teething boy, Jaxon -- the girls never really seemed to have an issue cutting any of their teeth, but this poor fella has been up the past few nights screaming non-stop in pain. I hate to see him hurting, and I do what I can to soothe him, but in my near-comatose state of mind in the middle of the night, who knows how helpful I really am (??)

This will all pass in time. These are precious days I will want back sooner rather than later. I am going to miss all of this one day. I KNOW, I KNOW. 

But I also miss sleep. Sweet, beautiful, warm, uninterrupted sleep.  

I'm just looking forward to being further down the road, looking back on this post, and thinking "you made it, girl. your kids are sleeping!" -- you want to know what I dream about (when I actually sleep long enough to dream?) it's THAT. 

2013 - Year in Review

I'm a little last posting this (I like posting them around the first of the year) but better late than never! 

You can see 2012 HERE and 2011 HERE.

::JANUARY::

2013 started out with a bang for us - our little Jaxon Leon arrived a little earlier than anticipated on the 9th :) We adjusted to life with three kiddos, played in the snow, and

::FEBRUARY::

As blogging goes with a new baby, things were erratic and hairbrained! I shared little things that made me happy, random updates on our new normal, and did my best to find "me" again.

::MARCH::

By March I was back on my blogging game! I managed to wish my dear husband "happy birthday" while ranting about Prop8, kept up with the weekly TT posts, did updates on both girls, and posted a cute little video of Rhealen.

::APRIL::

We moved into our house, which was the biggest joy of the month, for sure! I talked about finally having a son, I tried to keep things honest talking about the sucky parts of life, and the world lost a music legend (RIP Possum!)

::MAY::

I compared my "apples to oranges" daughters, shared some photos taken with my Dad+family, got a little sappy thinking about the future for our children, and my "butch" celebrated another birthday (as did my BFF/cousin, Dobby!)

::JUNE::

June was an exciting month for sure! Our little "Nugget" RJ turned TWO, Jaxon started his "pirate look" to combat a lazy eye, we went to the Knoxville zoo, our sweet Dobby got married (!!), and Sidney finished up Kindergarten with a bang!

::JULY::

My one and only post for the entire month of July was Jaxon's monthly update post -- at least I got that one in!!

::AUGUST::

August was the month of random updates apparently, but sometimes that's the best way to document life! Sidney finished up her first summer of swim lessons, I professed my continued love for non-traditional engagement rings (and the hope that my girls follow in my footsteps!), our dear Gran hit the big 5-0!, and Jaxon & Rhealen grew closer, which totally melted my momma heart :)

::SEPTEMBER::

The month of September is always a busy (and fun!) one - Sidney Morgan turned SIX, we all fell in love with Ylvis and "The Fox", I talked about pregnancy hemorrhoids, that sweet husband and I celebrated another anniversary (10 years of being together!), we had family photos taken, I wrote a heartfelt post about being on the fertile side of infertility and my struggles with what to (or not to) say, and I turned 25!!

::OCTOBER::

October brought The Walking Dead back into our zombie-void lives (hallelujah!) - I talked about some crazy pregnancy brain I was having, I really kicked it with the TT posts, and of course, Halloween was celebrated - I even did an awesome TBT post about it!

::NOVEMBER::

I recapped about the time the girls and I trekked to Tweetsie Railroad with Gran & Pops, talked about thriving versus surviving with three kids, fell in love with random country songs, posted about my sleeping tornado of a daughter, and about what it's like having a not-a-baby-anymore baby girl!

::DECEMBER::

I ended the year getting "creative" in the kitchen, got big and pregnant and took the same selfie I had taken over two years ago with RJ (same bathroom & everything!), we bought a new Christmas tree, I lamented the last month of my boy being a baby before he celebrates his first birthday next month, and we had a wonderful Christmas off-line and in-tune with what really matters!

And surprise! On the very last day of December, our little boy was born, shocking us all -- he was early and he was a "HE". All that time spent preparing for our Jameson ended up with us meeting our Toby. The best end of the year gift anyone could ask for!

I love, love, love doing these "end of the year" recaps -- even when I haven't been the best blogger in the land, I still love looking back over a year's worth of moments and memories that might've fallen into oblivion if I hadn't taken the time to screen cap them!

Back to Work...Soon!

Next week marks my last week of maternity leave -- and I feel conflicted. I am so beyond ready to go back to work, to be in a normal routine of what I know and love; I can't wait to get back to my desk and back to my job and interact with other adults on a daily basis. But I am going to miss my babies. I'm going to miss the little moments that happen daily, the things only I can really appreciate as a momma. Our days are sometimes long and maddening, but they're never "dull" -- keeping up with these kiddos is a full time job in itself, especially the tag team trouble of Rhealen + Jaxon.

Those two.....world look out.

I'm going to miss my Toby snuggles, my sweet baby that is so calm and happy. I'm going to miss so much, literal and figuratively speaking.

I love working and I'm thankful to have a job to help support our family, but I admit sometimes I think it'd be nice to stay home full time (although I don't know if I'm cut out for it) -- my hat is off to those mommas and poppas who stay home with their children, y'all are boss!

I plan to really focus and enjoy my last week home -- but I'm also focusing on getting back to work and diving back in head first. 

And because no post is complete without some photos, here's a photo dump of what it looks like hanging at home:

Jaxon - Month 12

Today, our Jaxon turned the big O-N-E!

Twelve months flew by, and here we have an official "big boy" on our hands - he's our wild, demanding, rowdy little ruffian! This child is all boy in every way possible. He is 90% walking and is always on the go - the only time I get to snuggle with him is the 10 minutes he takes to drink his bottle (we've got to work on getting rid of the bottle soon....sigh). He has realized wrestling with Daddy is 1,000x more fun than wrestling with me, and so Justin is taking over my place as the #1 person in his eyes. 

He adores Toby, which is so not what I was expecting! He LOVES him, even though that love is a little tough...still, that squeal of joy when he sees his little brother melts me. I can't deny him a little brotherly love bonding (god, I hope it stays this way between them!)

I love this little man beyond words, to the moon and back, a million and one ways, over and over. He is the divine light of my life, the boy who stole my heart and helped me become a better mom (and human being in general) - I could literally wax poetic about him for days on end.

We will celebrate with family and cake and presents on Sunday (we did a little celebration this evening, just to be official!) - but I try to celebrate him every day. Even in the moments of chaos and tantrums and pure ugliness, being his momma is the best thing ever.

Happy birthday, Jaxie Buddy! We love you "big man"!

lately

A good blogger would have posted an official Thanksgiving review post complete with lovely photos and tidbits of a glorious day. I am not a good blogger....obviously!

Our day was glorious, the food delicious, the family wonderful -- but I didn't take any photos. As goes of late, Justin and I are too busy taking turns stuffing our faces and chasing our kids to do much official photo-taking. It's something I want to remedy -- snap a picture (or maybe even two!) each holiday. 

We shall see...

Anyway, here's a generic "lately" post, which I haven't done in quite a while -- but something needs to go here, so here goes:

Our new Christmas tree! We upgraded this year and bought a 7.5 ft fancy KMart pre-lit monstrostiy - and I love it. This was taken pretty much straight out of the box before we fluffled any branches or added any ornaments. Still so pretty (and yes, I admit, this year I put up the tree two weeks before Thanksgiving - WHO AM I?!) 

To make room for the above-seen Christmas tree, we had to rearrange our living room a little -- Rhealen is very pleased with the new arrangement and has taken to sitting like this often. She's an odd ball, little thing.

He is THE cutest little thing in hats and beanies and toboggans, but he absolutely HATES wearing them - you have to tie them tight up under his chin and even then, he's figured out how to wiggle out of them. 

Oh, these two -- two of a kind, exactly alike, cut from the same cloth. You know the old sayings. They play better together than any daddy + daughter duo you've ever seen, but they also fight like cats and dogs. Living with the oldest one here has taught me a lot about how to raise the youngest one. Lord help me!

This is the "cake" I made for Thanksgiving dinner - and I use the term cake loosely, because it's more a chocolate catastrophe covered in Reece's Pieces. It worked, I guess. (I wouldn't know, I don't like chocolate!)

Cutie! And this one likes hats :)

Justin went out of town this past Saturday to visit some extended family, so while the Daddy was away -- Buddy got let in to play! Justin is very anti-dog-in-the-house (something about allergies! psh!) but we snuck in our favorite pooch for some kisses. It was a cold morning anyway! 

These two enjoy time spent in the kitchen with me - they'll gladly lick spoons and bowls and taste-test 'til they're stuffed. 

My sweet boy & me before the morning drop-off :) 

Jaxon - Month 10

10 months old! Double-digits, baby! Look at our boy grow :)

Seriously, this kid is just the best ever -- he's the happiest little fella, which is quite the turnaround from his first few months. I used to dread to see the setting sun, as I knew it'd be the start of Jaxon's nightly cry/scream routine. No more! Those days are long gone, thankfully.

These days, Jaxon sleeps 7-6 (he lost an hour of that blessed 12-hour stretch with the time change) and always ALWAYS wakes up in the happiest of moods. I've never seen this kid get up in a cranky mood -- he's a smiling, blossoming guy who just wants to start the day out with a smile (and a warm bottle of milk!)

At his nine-month checkup (which was actually sometime between month 9 and 10) he was just shy of 22 lbs and caught up on almost all of his milestone developments (being a "preemie" by technicality, they keep tabs on him) -- his babysitter is constantly reporting on all his daily activity, so we keep a watchful eye out to make sure he's not lagging behind in any areas. I'm very proud to say, he's right on track to where he needs to be, and in my opinion, ahead of the curve in a few areas! 

And we have a fully mobile baby -- this little dude can crawl from one end of the house to the other in record time. He loves to creep into his sisters' room after his morning bottle to help me wake them up :) He's pulling up on all the furniture, and he's already had his share of bumps and bruises from falling face-down. He has such a desire to walk, even though he's barely mastered the art of the crawl. It won't be too long, though, no matter how long I try to discourage him...

Although I like to think I'm still Jaxon's favorite person in the whole wide world, he's started to take an interest in the menfolk around him. I can tell he's going to be a guy's guy -- all boy, through and through, it's kind of funny to see those tendencies pop up so early in his life. I can already see him following his daddy into the garage or up into the woods to do manly things together (and I know Justin is counting down the days 'til Jax is old enough to join him!) 

It's bittersweet to think we'll be celebrating his first birthday in just a few short weeks -- two months will fly by (they always do when it's holiday time!) and our sweet fella will be ONE! We have no idea how to plan a birthday party for a baby with a winter birthday (both the girls have summer birthdays!) -- it's going to be interesting to see how his birthdays go. I feel kind of bad for him having a birthday so close to Christmas and in such a potentially dreary-weather month. 

Good thing he's his own little ray of sunshine wherever he goes :)

Thriving vs Surviving

Previously, I touched on the subject of finding my groove, especially when it comes to our morning and night routines. With the recent time change, that groove has been shaken up, so while we're still in the middle of readjusting, things are getting closer to what I would call our new normal. 

Part of this new normal means I've been working really hard to get in bed as early as possible and soak up every second of sleep while I can. With the impending arrival of another baby, I know sleep is precious at this point, and I don't want to waste any of it, as selfish as that sounds! :)

With an earlier bedtime, I'm finding it easier to get up with Jaxon and his new wake-up time of 6:00 AM (thank you ever so much, daylight savings time!) -- it's even given me the opportunity to spend a few extra minutes with Justin, seeing as how he tries to be out the door by 5:30 when he can, but sometimes stumbles around and doesn't leave 'til 6:00. That's an especially nice bonus because he's been working 14 hour days here lately, and it's really hard not spending any time with him -- I know the kids miss him, even though the girls would probably never admit it!

All of this is to say, I am the primary parent to our kids most of the time -- they spend the majority of their day with me, and I'm the sole person responsible for making sure they're ready in the morning and put to bed at night. It can be exhausting, for sure, and some days it does start to feel like more of a chore than a delight. I'm doing my best to really try to be present in each moment with my kids (no matter how mundane they may be) because this is my life, the life I've wanted and chosen and dreamed of. These are my kids, all four of these little rascals, and as chaotic and wild as it can be, these are my moments to enjoy. 

Sure, bath time can be monotonous, and no one enjoys changing a diaper for the 100th time (it seems) that day -- but even these little moments present opportunities to relish and enjoy. I try to remind myself to enjoy all of it -- even when the kids are screaming and I've stuck my hand in the messy diaper and supper is boiling over on the stove and there's homework to be done and bedtime was supposed to be thirty minutes ago. It's easy to lose sight of the joy a large family can bring when you're in those moments -- and it's even easier to just whisk through all of it on autopilot. 

So much of parenting is a checklist of cleaning, feeding, organizing, refereeing, over and over, day after day. It gets old quick...if you let it. 

I'm doing my best to not let it be just a checklist, but more of a bucket list that's never ending, always repeating but with new items, new moments to treasure and keep. Every day is a new list, a clean slate, the fresh opportunity to do the best I can and enjoy all of it to the best of my ability. 

Absolutely, I fail. I get lost in the shuffle, and I complain to my mom and other mom-friends (and to Twitter) about how HARD this is -- because it is hard, and I'm exhausted and the kids are just wiiiiiiild. That's life, that's my everyday normal, and I know there are going to be plenty more days like that. Momma said there'd be days like this....

I just remind myself, it's all in how I choose to handle it -- and for most of the days, I like to think I choose joy. I choose to enjoy and thrive, not just survive.

And I hope these little tykes know just how much their momma adores them! 

Halloween 2013

Hooray, the rain held off! We were able to do a little trick-or-treating under perfect conditions with three happy little grublets who all seemed to have a good time :)

Our Draculaura, witch and dalmatian were too cute for words and behaved even sweeter than they looked! Sidney wanted to trick-or-treat at the speed of light, often running ahead of little Rhealen by about 20 steps -- but Rhealen didn't seem to mind. She tried to swap out candy at every house, offering something from her bucket in exchange for new candy :) Jaxon was perfectly happy just hanging out in the back seat of our new (to us!) stroller, eating M&Ms and cheese puffs. That white costume didn't stay very white for too long...

We made it to about 30 or so houses before Jaxon (and my pregnant self) hit "the wall" and then we were done in an instant -- we had as much fun as we could int the hour or so we made it -- and we wouldn't have been able to coordinate or pull off any of it successfully without my wonderfully sweet mom and step-dad. They made it work for us working parents, we just love them!

And a wonderful Halloween was had by all -- we're already looking forward to next year and FOUR little costumed kiddos to chase around :)