"...and I am young,  yes, but what I have learned is that love, the beauty of it, the joy of it, and yes, even the pain of it, is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being. And we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise.
There are too many kids out there suffering from bullying, rejection, or simply being mistreated for who they are.
Too many dropouts.
Too much abuse.
Too many homeless and
Too many suicides.
You can change that..."

Just a Friendly Reminder

Human is human.
Equal is equal.
Love is love.

The sooner we put aside all of the things we use to "define" ourselves into separate groups, the sooner we can come together as human beings and just exist in this world.

Why can't we have love for our fellow men and women, without labels or judgment or damnation?

Why can't we all have our own opinions, different as they will be, and still just get along. I don't agree you with. I don't believe as you do.

That's okay, the world still keeps spinning.

Why do we insist on spending so much time fighting each other all in the name of defending our opinions or beliefs? It's exhausting - to me, it'd be so much easier just to love one another. Or at the very least, to respect one another enough to not stand in judgment of one another.

Love is love is love.

And who could stand to deny another person of love?

Not me.

{via}

RE: THIS

Monumental

If you don't agree, then just stop reading now. If you're not on the same page as me when it comes to human rights, I don't understand you, but I'm not going to judge you. To each their own (even if I think your own is so very wrong...)

Today was...monumental. Amazing. Such a seemingly small step, but I hope it will be an enormous leap forward. I dream that 50 years from now all this debate surrounding same-sex marriage will seem as innocuous as interracial marriage. I dream that my children can grow up feeling safe in the knowledge that they can fall in love and get married and raise families without ever having to think of the sanctity of their marriage being questioned or challenged by our government. I dream of family and friends getting married --maybe even one day in sweet Virginia-- to the loves of their lives regardless of gender. I dream of acceptance, not tolerance. There is nothing to be tolerated. Full acceptance and love for our fellow human beings; being decent and kind and respectful and, above all, equal. 

In my mind, it seems like such a simple idea -- the notion that we shouldn't judge one another, that we should all be able to coexist in spite of our differences, in fact, because of our differences. My heart just wants to burst open and fill the world with love. Why can't we all just love each other? It may seem like a hippie thing to say, something childish or cowardly. I just want love. I want to witness love. Full, abundant, ceaseless, meaningful, equal love. 

[Take Care]

The moments I really feel something hit me hard in the face and heart and knock me over with such force, there's no possible way to ignore them. 

I have general feelings constantly. I generally feel happy. I generally feel loved. I generally feel anxious. But to truly feel an emotion, in the heat of a moment without warning or delay, is blinding. 

I love my kids, love them all day, every day and will continue to love them 'til the day I die. But there are moments when I look at them and love them so hard, it psychically pains me. In those moments, I'm reminded of a million reasons why I love being a mother, why being a mother has made me a better human, and why I'd shrivel up and fade away without these three in my life. 

Sure, I could have taken a different path in life -- a path that led me to never being a mother. That life sometimes beckons to me -- a carefree, reckless spirit that taunts me, tries to tell me I've missed out on so much living by being a young mother. I get jealous of the part of the me that never even existed, and I begin to resent my surroundings. I daydream of a life without all these responsibilities and demands, without sleepless nights and screaming babies. I dream of, for lack of a better word, freedom. 

And then I see my children, these three innocent beings that took the best parts of me and my husband, and magically came to in a world of hope and love. I see them laugh and smile and play and hold each other. I see them whispering and touching noses, sharing inside jokes and creating a world around them made only for three. They love each other, so fiercely, and take care of each other, a sentiment I've been preaching to them lately. 

Some day, your daddy and I won't be here -- you have to take care of each other, always. 

I see my children and I love them, and it hits me like a wave, these emotions come over me -- I feel guilty for ever feeling anything but contentment and joy. I resent myself for resenting myself. I stop and thank every star in the sky, because I am so lucky -- there are so many mothers out there with empty arms, and here my home and heart are full three times over.

I take joy in falling in love with my children, over and over again. In between the routine and the pitfalls and the everyday grind, I am blessed to feel deeply for them at the most spontaneous and unexpected moments. I know there will come a day when I take them for granted again, when I pine for a life that I wasn't meant to live. But deep down, I know -- I will always love my life. I will always love my children. And I will always love the feeling that comes over me when I fall in love with them again. And again and again and again...

Finally, A Son

"You finally got your boy!"
"I'm so happy it's a boy this time."
"Justin must be so happy it's a boy."

I heard it all when I was pregnant - and it was all true. We did finally get a boy. Everyone, Justin included,  was so happy it was a boy on that sonogram. I was over the moon excited, and I felt more complete knowing a little dude was coming into our family. I always knew I was meant to have a son, felt it in my bones, even told Justin about it when we decided two was enough and we weren't going to have any more. I'm missing someone, I'm missing my boy. 

And of course, it wasn't like that with everyone. There were a lot of people who were just as excited for our first girl and second girl as we were, but no more excited for our first boy than the other two. We got a lot of "as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters" from a lot of different people. And I wish more people were like that. 

Why does our society treasure sons over daughters? What makes people think that a man needs a son to be completely happy? Of course, I'm sure Justin is over the moon he has a son, and his bond with Jaxon will be different than it is with either Sidney or Rhealen - I know all my ties to my children are different, stemming from the same place but woven uniquely for each child. I love them the same and differently still. And I don't let their birth order rank them in any way. 

But I'm glad Jaxon is the youngest, the little man in our girl-dominated clan. I hope his sisters can infuse a lot of their girlishness into him to help combat with the constant macho-fuel that will be thrown at Jax. Living where we do, in this day and age of ours, boys and girls are clearly defined as strong and weak, blue and pink. We're moving closer and closer to gender neutrality, but we still have so far to go. I want my girls to be confident as women and strong in their identity, and I want a son who feels empowered as a man and knows his place in the world. But I also want children who are empathetic and loving and open to the world around them. I want them to look at people and interact with the world as true individuals, who cross boundaries and break stereotypes. I don't want them defined as man or woman, but human. 

To this day, as much as I like to think I've grown and opened my eyes to the world around me, I still struggle with sexism and gender identity. I still fall prey to the stereotypes - I admit I am in no way perfect. 

Why is it so easy to dress Rhealen in a green T-Rex shirt or Sidney in camo, but I find myself hesitating to put Jaxon in a turquoise blue onesie with fuschia lettering? 

Why am I like that? Every time a thought like that crosses my mind, I want to kick myself - get over yourself, I scream internally. This is the kind of thinking I want to stay away from, and yet, it's ingrained in me. It's how I was raised, how I've learned to define boy and girl. And that needs to change. I need to change. A girl is not a tomboy just because she likes male-oriented things and a boy is not a sissy because he likes female-oriented things. THIS LOGIC IS INSANE! 

I know I can't change the world, but I can start with me. And I can start with my children. And maybe 100 years from now, little boys can play with Barbies without fear of embarrassment or being teased. Maybe little girls can grow up knowing they can do anything a boy can do, because there won't be these lines. Everything will be equal, free for all and all for everyone. It's good to know your place in the world, to find your identity and be confident in who you are as a person - I just hope my kids don't look to their genders as the cornerstone of that confidence or self-worth. 

And I wish the rest of the world would get on board, too, while we're at it. 

A Birthday Post Turned Prop8 Rant

Yesterday was my sweet fella's 26th birthday, and I feel like celebrating my husband's birthday (and that feeling of happiness) coincided with other feelings (like guilt, rage, sadness) with all the hullabaloo surrounding Prop8. I hate to take his birthday post and turn it into a rant, so I'm only going to say this: EQUALITY. 

Be it marriage equality, race equality, sex equality - whatever. This country is supposed to be the land of the free, home of the brave, equal and united. Instead, we are torn and spend our days bickering at each other from our "high horses" about issues that shouldn't even be relevant in 2013. 

I am so lucky that I was in a position to fall in love and choose to get married without worrying whether or not my marriage would be legally recognized by my home state (or nation for that matter). It just so happens that I am a heterosexual woman, so I've never had to deal first-hand with the issues that the LGBT community face, BUT I could have just as easily been born a homosexual woman. And I'm sensitive enough (and decent enough) to know that I have no right in the world to deny another human being basic rights. 

I understand same-sex marriages goes against what most Christian people believe, but what I don't understand is how or why Christian people think they have the right to push their beliefs on other people. I don't like eating onions, but I'm not going to tell everyone else they have no right to eat onions just because I don't. The logic of those that use religion to fight against same-sex marriages is completely lost on me; I don't understand and honestly, it breaks my heart to think that these are the people standing firmly in the way of my family and friend's potential happiness. Good, loving, accepting, forgiving, non-judgmental Christian people. 

Okay, so this did turn into a rant (sorry, husband!) - my point to all of this was I love my husband and I'm happy to celebrate another year of life with him as my husband and I want everyone (man or woman) to be able to say the same thing someday about their own husband. 

Happy 26th Birthday, babe!

Happiness

I have learned that happiness, in part, is a choice. 

I wake up and remind myself to be happy. Be happy in this life, in this marriage, in this job, in everything. There are so many outside influences affecting my life, if I let them determine my happiness I'd spend my days miserable. So much is out of my control, there is no possible way to rely on the rest of the world to make me happy. 

I choose to be happy. I choose what makes me upset, what makes me laugh, what makes me angry. I decide whether or not to let things stand in my way or fall to the wayside. I am the one who lets the bygones go on by. It's up to me to make myself happy. 

This is my life, the only one I will ever have, and I am bound and determined to make the absolute best out of it. Trusting those around me, loving those around me - letting in all the wonderful things and people who make my life better and letting go of everything that doesn't. 

People make mistakes. People lie and curse and cheat and steal. People break hearts. Life isn't fair. Things don't always go how I plan or want or need. And I can't control any of it. Except how I feel, how I react and how I process. 

I want to be happy, and so I am. 

Does that mean I don't have bad days? Absolutely not. There are gray days, and then there are black days. The blackest black, that creeps up from the insides and blocks out any light or love. It's on those days I have to pull myself back and work even harder to find the good, find the happy. 

I want so much to make this life worthwhile and full of warm memories to surround me in those last moments of my life, whenever it may end. I want to know I put my heart out there and gave love, received love, and was open to the people I fill my life with. 

Today, and every day, I choose happiness. 

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley

my best advice involves poop, sorry about that.

It's that time of year for parties and get-togethers, meeting new people and old friends. And if you're anything like me, you can pretend to be the biggest extrovert of them all - but inside you're peeing your pants trying to keep up this brave facade.

I've discovered a new little trick for meeting new people, esepcially those I admire or find intimidating (which is everyone I've never met before). It's kind of a weird little trick and especially gross, but it helps me normalize the world and see other people down on my level.

I imagine them sitting on the toilet taking the biggest, messiest dump of their lives. 

Nasty, I know. Too personal, I know. But if you imagine these people you fear or admire having a bad case of the runs, it somehow helps you to empathize with them and find some common ground. We've all been there, attached to the toilet seat, praying for mercy from the poop g-ds.

It's kind of like the age-old "imagine them in their underwear" trick, except sometimes that can back fire, I've found. When I'm meeting this gorgeous person and I imagine them in their underwear, I start to feel infinitely worse about myself. I start to imagine myself in my underwear standing beside them, tears rolling down their faces as they mock my lumps and rolls and four-year-old granny panties next to their rock-hard abs and VS lacy bits. Not exactly a confidence booster.

But if I imagine them crapping their guts out, it somehow levels the playing field...in my mind, at least.

So there you have it - the best holiday advice I can give you when meeting new faces in new places. Just imagine everyone sitting on the toilet taking giant dumps. It'll make the entire process so much more enjoyable!! 

giving thanks

99.9% of the people in my Facebook stream have been doing the daily "Thankful" posts, but I thought I'd save some time (and energy and space) and list them all here monthly. Thirty things I'm thankful for, not only during this Thanksgiving month, but all the days and months and years of my life.

1. I'm thankful for my children, my beautiful daughters who came into this world healthy and prove to be happy individuals. I am doubly blessed without reason, and I could not be more in love with these two littles.
2. I'm thankful for my husband, Justin. He's my best friend in the world, and there's not a moment that goes by that I don't love him and wish the world for him. I don't know how we made it this far, but I can only hope for more.
3. I'm thankful for my parents. My mother is like the tide, constant and strong. She's unwavering, and she's taught me what it means to be a good mother in words and actions, year after year. I wish my Dad lived closer, sometimes, I feel like a piece of me is missing. He's always just a phone call away, and sometimes it's scary how much we have in common at any given point in our lives on any given topic.
4. I'm thankful for my health. I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it. Well, not exactly. But I am here and happy and prospering. Life is a short ride, and so far, I'm making the best of it.
5. I'm thankful for cheesecake. There can never be enough cheesecake in my life.
6. I'm thankful for this blog and the opportunities it has given me. I've broadened my horizons, even if only in this virtual world, and I'm a much better person for the experience.
7. I'm thankful for a job. Times are tough, and there are so many people out there struggling. Even as I'm graduating and heading out into a field I'm not familiar with, I'm thankful to have had a steady job for the past three years. It has allowed me to grow and contribute, and I couldn't ask for anything more.
8. I'm thankful for caller ID. Thank you, cell phone gods.
9. I'm thankful for our military. I'm so grateful my *new* brother-in-law is home safely (and hopefully for good); I can't imagine having loved ones still serving overseas.
10. I'm thankful for a healthy baby girl and a SUPER easy delivery this year.
11. I'm thankful for the health of my Papaw - he scared us good the last few weeks but is improving more and more each day.
12. I'm thankful for good books and bad movies. I can never get enough of either.
13. I'm thankful for a roof over my family's head. It may not be the biggest or fanciest roof, but it's warm and it shelters the ones I love the most. Who could ask for more?
14. I'm thankful for salt. I eat it on everything.
15. I'm thankful for early morning routines and family movie nights - creating traditions with my family is always a joy.
16. I'm thankful for the two best friends a girl could ever ask for: Cassie and Dobby. They complete me.
17. I'm thankful for calculators, spellcheck and caller ID. Greatest inventions ever.
18. I'm thankful for captions on TV; they remind me of watching TV with my Mamaw Edith and I love to watch TV with them on. Added bonus: it drives Justin crazy!
19. I'm thankful for my Mamaw Mary who is the best cook ever; she is always willing to make me dinner whenever I ask, whatever I want.
20. I'm thankful for a car to get me from point A to B. It's not the fanciest, but it's taken me on many joy rides over the last four years.
21. I'm thankful for forgiveness. I receive it more than I should and give it less than I ought to. But it's always there when I need it most.
22. I'm thankful for the years I got to spend with my Papaw Bud. I was lucky enough to have all four grand-parents living for most of my young life, and I never really appreciated them all until I got older. I'd give a day of my life to bring him back, but I know he's upstairs keeping a watchful eye on me every day.
23. I'm thankful for puppies and kittens and all the cute baby animals of the world. I've gone six months without a dog, by far the longest I've ever gone without owning one, and it's nearly killing me. I need a puppy in my life!
24. I'm thankful for card night and friends. It's the little things in life that mean the most sometimes!
25. I'm thankful for being able to appreciate the fact there are four living generations of women on my mother's side. Moments when we're all gathered together nearly melt my heart.
26. I'm thankful for that moment at the end of the day when you can finally take off your bra: best moment ever.
27. I'm thankful for lists - they force to you take stock of your life (just like this list is making me do)!
28. I'm thankful that I married a man who has the best sense of humor - every day with him is like being back in school.
29. I'm thankful to have grown up when I did - I have the best memories of listening to NYSNC on the radio, watching Titanic in the theater seven or eight times, playing the game MASH over and over again, and having the biggest crush on Taylor Hanson. Proud 90s child here!
30. I'm thankful for my life, for each morning I wake up to the smiling faces around me. I'm thankful for another year on Earth and for the gift of my life.

What are you thankful for this year?

today

Today is a good day.

Despite the rainy, cold weather. Despite this cold that's kicking my butt. Despite the hot flashes and the long miles I drove today. Despite the lack of sleep I got. Despite the pounding in my head and the ringing in my ear. Despite the lack of money in the bank. Despite the feeling of falling behind and worrying too much. Despite the clock ticking by so slowly. Despite the pain I feel not being there physically for my family. Despite the dishes in the sink and the laundry piled up by the door. Despite the many more hours it'll be 'til I can sleep again. Despite the homework to be finished. Despite the craziness of it all.

Despite everything, today is a good day. I refuse to see today in any other light than good. I have been reminded what matters, reminded who matters the most to me. I am here, alive and well, if only for today.

Today is a good day. 

{bloglove}

I've said it before on here, but it bears repeating again: I love the power of connection the world wide web has provided us with.

I love that I am able to relate to so many people in so many cities, states and countries around the world. I've found such a humbling peace to see mirrors of myself in other women (and men) out there. I have this undeniable sense that I'm not alone, that the things I'm going through are unique to me, yes, but not unique to the problems so many of us face. I am reminded daily that I'm one of billions, and yet I couldn't feel more at peace with the knowledge.

So many people out there have blogs or are starting blogs these days; it's such a popular thing to do, I think some people look at is as a "passing fad" and brush it off as useless or a waste of time. To me, blogging feels incredibly natural. Sometimes I find myself running out of material - when that happens, I turn to my heart and my head. What am I feeling today? What am I thinking about? It can be very deep and emotional things or pure fluff. And that's the beauty of it.

I'm grateful for my blog. It keeps me sane and helps to remind me of all the little moments I forget about from time to time. We're constantly told as children to write our own stories, be the master of our own destinies. What better way to document our journey than with a blog? It offers an open platform to reach the masses, the opportunity to connect with corners of the world never reachable before, and it allows us to self-reflect and grow.

Blogs may seem like pure egotistical nonsense, but they are so much more than that. They are windows to the world. They give a voice to every face in the crowd. They are instant memory-keepers and online diaries. Who could ever put down such a powerful thing?

Be proud of your blog. Be proud of what you say and how you share yourself. Don't let the masses bring you down. Instead, reach out to them and open your hearts to the millions of stories being shared online every day. Don't get in a rut of only visiting the same blogs over and over again; get out there and explore this massive online universe.

And don't be afraid to tell your story. No one will ever know the thoughts in your head, the emotions you feel if you don't share them. Love your blog, protect and support yourself, and keep your chin up. We're all in this together, as evidenced by all the millions of blogs out there. I, for one, applaud all of you for being so bold. I hope to share with you in your journey for years to come.

You can rest assured, I'll be right here at home, sharing mine.

{I pledge allegiance to this blog...}

{very smart dude}

“My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.”

-Tom Waits



oh snap!

{Stolen from a good buddy on Facebook, too funny and hopefully eye-opening not to share! LOVE IS LOVE, people!}

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 {Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination}, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


"Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 {Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.} states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7 {And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.} In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. {“‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean.Whoever touches her bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.Whoever touches anything she sits on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, he will be unclean till evening. If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean."} The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. {But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.} The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 {Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.} clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10 {And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:}, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 {Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;} states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. {Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.} How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 {The rabbit, though it chews the cud, does not have a split hoof; it is unclean for you. And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.} that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 {Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.} by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. {Now the son of an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father went out among the Israelites, and a fight broke out in the camp between him and an Israelite. The son of the Israelite woman blasphemed the Name with a curse; so they brought him to Moses. (His mother’s name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri the Danite.) They put him in custody until the will of the LORD should be made clear to them.Then the LORD said to Moses: “Take the blasphemer outside the camp. All those who heard him are to lay their hands on his head, and the entire assembly is to stone him. Say to the Israelites: ‘If anyone curses his God, he will be held responsible; anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death.} Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) {And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.}

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."

Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia.

{PS I think this is hilarious and true and a very informative way to tackle this highly sensitive subject. People try to interpret the bible as "black and white" when dealing with homosexuality, but it seems many other parts are left open for more modern interpretations. I think it's time those people using the bible as a pegleg to stand on in regards to this issue took another look. Find a different reason to be opposed to homosexuality if you wish, but don't bother using the good book as your crutch anymore with me. I won't hear it - not that I ever really heard it before.}

{PPS I used the King James interpretation when I could...because my Jesus talks with an Olde English accent and flies the colors of his true lady MM from his walking stick, just like any good knight would Word!}

{PPPS I'm doubly proud the man who wrote this letter is from VA!}

don't let the blogging blues get you down

There have been many times over the past few years where I feel myself losing steam with this whole blogging scenario. I start having all these unimportant and irrational thoughts.

"No one reads my blog - why bother keeping it?"
"Do people really care about this sort of thing?"
"I'm so boring."
"I'm not as good as other, bigger, better bloggers."

It's an endless, mind-chattering cycle of useless self-conversations. Who cares if no one reads my blog? Who cares if I'm not very funny or entertaining? Who cares if I have a small following - or no following at all? Why am I basing my happiness and success rate on the interaction I have with others? Shouldn't this blog be about me and what I want and how I feel?

And the answer is, DUH! YES!

There have been so many times I've gone back through my archives just to read up on the daily life stuff that happened two years ago. There's a 101 little moments I forget about in the day-to-day shuffle of life; this blog helps me remember. It makes me smile. It documents all these magical moments in my life, with my husband, with my children, with my friends - moments I never want to forget. And I don't have to, all thanks to this little blog of mine.

I can assure the feeling I get inside, all warm and fuzzy and wonderful, is 100x better than any feeling I get when a post receives a bunch of hits or comments. Don't get me wrong, I love my readers and those who feel inclined enough to comment on my posts (I honestly try to respond to every single comment, promise!) -- thank you, to those who come here and read and feel a connection to me. I feel very connected to all of you. But I can't rely on you to make me want this blog, to make me appreciate this space. I have to do that all on my own, with or without readers.

My advice to you: don't let the hoopla and hustle of the ever-changing blog world get you down. Write down your little moments, no matter how boring or mundane they seem at the time. I promise you, some things you will forget. And as long as you put them out there, you'll always have a virtual reminder of a time "way back when". You'll never regret those moments; and if you do regret them, you'll always have a way of reminding yourself not to get to that place again.

Thank you blog, for being my little recorded slice of life.

climbing on my wedding-related soapbox.

{Pardon the rant.}

I saw a billboard today that made me want to pull over to the side of the road and burn the thing down - I was that enraged (and I'm still not sure why I got so mad in the first place, but I digress). A local bank has a new ad out for their personal loans depicting three "everyday" scenarios in which you might need to get a loan: buying a house, buying a car, and a wedding. A WEDDING.

Since when did someone need to take out a loan to pay for a wedding?! I realize in this day and age of reality TV shows like Platinum Weddings and Four Weddings and Bridezilla engaged women are exposed to one wedding after the other, day in and day out. But seriously? There is no need to take out a second mortgage on your house to get hitched. There's no need to outdo everyone within a 50-mile radius of your house with the grandest, most expensive wedding. There's no need!

If couples (I'll say couples, because some grooms-to-be might be in on this insane trend) spent half of their time focused on the marriage as opposed to the wedding, our national divorce rate might drop significantly. Why do people feel like they have to have top-of-the-line weddings, no matter what that means for their bank accounts?

I don't get it. Justin and I had a low-key wedding that didn't cost an arm and a leg. Mom and I did a lot of DIY projects and used local family and friends to make our wedding feel "homey" and special. His Mom (and sister and Aunt) catered, a friend of ours made our cakes, a friend of the family was our DJ, we had our reception in my Mamaw's backyard and my bridesmaid made all of our favors (you can read more about our wedding HERE). It was wonderful, to be supported and surrounded by people who loved us and made our day possible.

All I'm trying to say is focus on the person you're marrying - put your energy and time into having a great marriage, not just a great wedding. There's no need for you to drain all your hard-earned cash on some lavish party that's over before you can blink. Have a good wedding - have a wedding that represents who you are and how you feel. Make it as wonderful as you want, but don't buy into the notion that you have to pay big bucks to make that happen! It's all about the person you love and the road that lies before you. No dress or cake or venue can outshine the love you (should) feel for your fiance. So don't even try to let it.

I can't believe I'm so heated about this topic, but here I am - mad at our society for feeling like this. I think I'll just boycott WE TV for awhile so I don't have to think about it.

Am I a Photographer?

The thought has been in my head lately, what it means to be a photographer? (Cue long rant...)

I am not a professional photographer, by any means. I never went to school, took classes or got any sort of professional training in this field. I have no certifications and no titles. I feel like I put too much emphasis on the fact that I'm not a professional sometimes, but only because I want people to know up-front that this is just a hobby of mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love photography. I have ever since I got my first Canon Rebel 35mm back when I started high school. I still have it, and I love it. There's nothing (in my opinion) that compares to film photography. Even as advanced as we are today in our modern times with Photoshop and Lightroom and all the other wonderful tools of the editing trade, to me nothing can replace a film-photograph.

I also love to shoot SOOC, but not a lot of people like that these days. I think we've all grown really accustomed to clean, perfect, edited photographs. I play around with editing and have fun with 99% of my digital shots, but I find myself doing it moreso for the "client" and not for myself. If it were up to me, I'd shoot nothing but film all the time, no editing at all.

There are a million photographers out there today, some really good and some really bad. Anyone with a fancy camera and the want-to can and will call themselves a "photographer". And I'm in that bunch. I'm just a lucky girl with a good camera who loves taking photos of friends and family. It's not my business or my craft. It's just an enjoyable hobby I'm lucky enough to do on weekends every now and then.

But I still feel the need to be appreciated. I don't think I'm bad at what I do. I enjoy it. My "clients" seem to enjoy my photos. I have a ball during the entire process. I don't want to be looked down upon or judged or feel inadequate standing next to professionals. We are in two different categories. I would never claim myself a professional or try to charge an arm and a leg for my services.

And I don't feel like someone needs to pay out the behind to get great photos of an event or moment in their lives. Photography is all about fun and preserving those moments of fun forever. Who could put such a high price tag on such a thing?

I'm very blessed and thankful for all those wonderful people who have given me a chance to photograph them over the last few years. It's been such an awesome experience, I wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. I've learned a lot of hard lessons through this process (always carry a back-up battery pack or two and a few extra memory cards! especially at weddings!) and I feel like I'm improving every time I pick up my camera.

And that's what I want to focus on in the future - my camera. Perfecting my SOOC photographs and to stop using editing as a crutch. I might even ditch the digital all together for awhile and shoot film only. (If only I could develop my own photos! Every girl needs a dream, right?!) I have a wedding coming up next month, and of course, I'm going to take my trusty digital gal along with me. But after that, I think I'll just stick to what I know and love best: film. I'm not sure people will be clamoring for those kind of photos, but at least I'll be doing what I love the most and I'm sure there's someone out there willing to take a risk and give me a chance.

I'm an amateur photographer, and I know it, believe me. But my love for photography is anything but. My love is my passion, and I refuse to let other people call me out or call me down because I lack the experience or education to be a professional. This is something I will continue to do every day of my life, if only to photograph my children and my family.

I am a photographer, regardless of what some would say and what doubt may fill my head from time to time.

{Featured are just some of my favorite photos from the last few years -- so many good memories!} 

I, for one, am glad that Shark Week is over

I know I've mentioned my irrational fear of sharks before, but yesterday I came across a picture that made my heart stop and speed up at the same time. I nearly crapped my pants.

The buzz is that this photo is actually an old, photoshopped creation that is making a comeback recirculating on Tumblr. True? Not true? Doesn't really matter to me. Even the notion that this photo might be fake doesn't rationalize to my heart that it's okay. My heart just can't wrap it's notions around it. I'm fairly certain I'll never go back in the ocean again. The beach is nice and all, but I'll sit in the sand and swim in the pool, thank you very much. It's only fitting that one of Sidney's favorite movies these days is Jaws -- she just loves to play with my poor head, even at her young age!

I know I'm being irrational and the likelyhood of me ever being attacked by a shark is considerably less than, say, getting hit by a truck or some other oddity. It doesn't matter, though -- in my mind, the worst death I could possibly suffer would be a shark attack. Here I am, in southwest Virginia, and I'm terrifed of the masters of the ocean. I rarely go to the beach! And when I go to the beach, I rarely ever swim in the ocean!

But my fear is there, and so I can't take my eyes off that photo. Someone bring me a clean pair of undies, stat.

The little caption to the photo went something like this:

A family were on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a picture of his mum and dad in all their gear so he got the under water camera ready to go. When it came to taking the picture the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the ‘OK’ hand sign to see if he was all right. The son took the picture and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK. When they got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat and absolutely panicking. When the parents asked why, he said ‘there was a shark behind you.’ The dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true but they wouldn’t believe him. As soon as they got back to the hotel they loaded the picture onto there laptop and that was what they saw.

source

{ED: I'm regretting blowing this picture up here on my blog -- now it's going to haunt me forever!}

the thing I love about technology

I'm in love with my Droid Incredible - I always have it with me (and always charged, thanks to a handy $7 car charger!) and I'm constantly looking to grab those moments of "real life" happening around me. I share them on facebook and Flickr and Twitter and here and anywhere else I can think of. I use different apps and image-modifications to come up with all sorts of amazing phone-photography. Technology today, you have to love it!

To me, it's just as practical to rely on your smartphone to document life events as it is to lug around a big camera - sometimes, it might be more practical! (Joanna from A Cup of Jo just showcased her family vacation in SF using only photos from her phone - way cool!) Maybe it's because I'm falling back in love with film photography, and I like the "old school" look certain apps can give a photo. Maybe I'm just smitten with modern times and modern things. It's certainly a fun combination to play with day in and day out.

I don't know about you, but I'm addicted to taking photos with my Droid - I'm addicted to this new sensation of documenting every moment of our lives with status updates and picture messages. It's just a fun time to be living in and I'm loving every minute of it. How about you?

who is Nugget?

A lot of people have been asking me lately about this little gal's name - I've called her "Nugget" from the moment we found out I was pregnant. When we found out she was a girl, we knew almost immediately what her first name was. Her middle name came not long after that - Justin & I had a little ephinany together in the car one night. Her name is perfect, girly and sweet and a nice nod to some of our dearest family members.

I want to tell everyone her name, just like I did with Sidney - but something holds me back. I want to find the right way to tell the world, a personalized and sweet way. I've got a few ideas to kind of "announce" her name, but I may just hold off until she's here. I'd like to incorporate her name reveal into my maternity shoot in May, but we'll see.

I know it's got to annoy people - I'm sure there are some out there that think it's silly to keep something like a secret. But there are some people out there who feel the opposite, and for whatever reason, that's just how I feel this pregnancy. She'll be here soon enough (I'm 27 weeks already!) and I've managed to keep my mouth shut this long, so I'm just going to keep on keeping on.

[Then again, I may spill the beans tomorrow! Who knows with me!]

boo resolutions

I don't make resolutions. It's never really hit me that I should make a list to try and accomplish within 365 days. I know enough about myself to know that I would wait until day 364 to even start working on my list. I am that much of a procrastinator, believe me.

But we are creatures of habit, and for some people yearly resolutions are needed, as essential as those "to-do" lists and grocey store lists some people make.

I choose, instead, to focus on what I would like to change about myself, if I could - and then I try to make it happen, if I can. I don't beat myself up about it. I don't make myself sweat bullets over coming up with a monumental list, designed to make myself a million times better than I was the year before. It's too much pressure, too much stress. I think resolution lists are unrealistic.

I say focus on what you love about yourself - improve what you can and don't worry about the rest. It's okay to change and to grow and to learn new things. But it's just as okay to maintain, to coast - to stay the same and love it. You don't have to re-do yourself just because it's the new year. You can still be the same old "you" and I wouldn't think any less of you.

I hope you won't think any less of me if I just keep on keepin' on.