the rantings of a wife of an unemployed man

SERIOUSLY, I have never had to deal with the unemployment three-ring circus before in my life. And I thank my lucky stars for that - because I honestly cannot imagine how people do it. It's a nightmare, a total freaking horrific nightmare! And I'm just the wife of the man going through this nightmare; I'm not the one dealing with the first-hand emotions that go with all of this. I'm just processing all the second-hand symptoms and it's enough to drive me to the edge of insanity.

Who created this monster? Who was the one to say: "Let's offer Americans unemployment but make it so impossibly hard to get to that no one will even want to try and sign up for it"???? WHO? Because I am ready to meet up with them in parking lot of Wal-Mart to kick their @$$.

It's been awful. Terrible. Horrible. Unnerving. Endless. I can't think of enough disgusting adjectives to describe how completely annoyed and fed-up I am with the entire process. And the worst part? Justin's been laid for almost an entire month and we've not made one step forward in the right direction; sure, we've taken about three steps backwards BUT THERE HAS BEEN NO PROGRESS. Let me give you a play-by-play of what we've been through with both Virginia (where he worked for 3 months) and Tennessee (where he worked for the same company for the past 2 years, 9 months):

VA - sign up on unemployment online....

Wait many, many, many days....

VA - receive letter in the mail saying 'rejected' with no explanation as to why

VA - call unemployment office and ask for explanation; told he must come in-person; they're too busy to talk to him on the phone

VA - drive the hour it takes to get there, wait another 45 minutes, only to be told he was 'rejected' because he made one paycheck's worth too little to quality for unemployment in that state of VA

*LOTS OF CUSSING, DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES, HAIR-PULLING, CRYING AND AGGRAVATION*

TN - drive the hour it takes to get there, wait 30 minutes, only to be told you have to fill out your information online first

TN - come home, fill out the info online, only to be stopped half-way through with a "please call such and such number, your application could not be processed"

TN - call said number for FIVE DAYS IN A ROW at all hours day/night only to hear same 'all lines are busy, please complete your application online' message over and over and over and over and over and over again

TN - call back to the unemployment office only to talk to same snarky ass woman from before who basically says 'tough shit, keep calling like the rest of the jobless losers'

*EVEN MORE CUSSING, CRYING, HAIR-PULLING, DEEP BREATHING AND AGGRAVATION*

ISN'T THAT THE MOST INSANE THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN???? Needless to say, Justin's giving it until Monday and then he's just going to get a part-time job while he continues to look for a better one. I just can't handle it - the tight wallets, the empty cabinets, the nights staying in as opposed to going out - I can handle all of that with a smile on my face. But this government, paperwork, red-tape crap? It kills me. It weighs on my mind 24/7 and it makes me want to scream. We're just your normal family, starting out on our own, struggling to make it by. Why does it have to be so difficult to take advantage of a program that was mean to ease the burden of a lost job? What are we doing wrong? What are we supposed to do?

Somehow we'll get through this stormy weather - and on the other side, I know there'll be sunshine. We'll look back on these first 100 days of our marriage and think 'wow, we made it through all of that - we can make it through anything'. I haven't completely lost hope; I am still very grateful for what we have. We have our health. We have our amazing families/friends who support us. We have good parents who are there for us, to help us through and to see that we don't do without. We have each other. I keep saying this to myself and to you, so you don't think I've gone too far down the rabbit hole. I am trying to be positive - half glass full and all that. It's just hard right now; and sometimes I need to rant and rave and wave my hands above my head all crazy like to prove a point.

This can and will drive a man, a woman, a couple, a family crazy - to the point of resenting and hating each other if you let it. My advice: don't. Don't let this kind of thing define you. It's only a bump in the road, a minor setback towards our future of good things to come. It's a wild ride full of twists and turns, ups and downs, ins and outs. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. The thing that really matters: you keep going. You keep pushing forward. And you don't let crazy situations like ours drag you to the bottom. The future can change in an instant, for better or worse. And you've just got to keep pushing on no matter which way the dice roll.

"I never knew so many bad times, could follow me so mercilessly. It's almost surreal, all the pain that I feel. The future ain't what it used to be..."

GO AWAY, SNOW

(photos by Lila)

This was the scene three weeks ago where we live - let's hope it doesn't happen again! Schools are letting out early, the weather channel is on every TV I pass, and the stores are all out of milk, eggs and bread speaking of we need all three.

Please be wrong, Mr. Weather Man (or Woman)!!!!!!! I'm sick of this cold and I'm sick of this snow and I don't think I can take the power going out again. PLEASE FOR MY SAKE, just be wrong for once or the millionth time, whichever.

honorable mention

I'm a sucker for bad Photoshop-ed photos! They can put a smile on my face through just about anything (and lord knows I've been searching for more reasons to smile these days)...so I love PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS! It's a blog after my own heart: celebrating the fact that companies like to think we're stupid and don't notice bad editing - editing that was done to make us feel less worthy and beautiful to begin with.

Check it out - it's top notch funny!

P.S. This giant hand, this CD cover, and this impossibly skinny model are my favorite disasters!

take a tumblr and see what you find

Try as you may to be the best mother you can, sometimes you fail - and you fail miserably. The guilt is endless. The worry is endless. There’s alwasy an overwhelming sensation that you’re doing everything wrong, and in the end, you’re doomed to fail your child....

I wrote over there today, instead of on here. Follow the link to read more.

not a way to start the year

I hate to say it - but 2010 has sucked pretty hard thus far. There have been ups and downs in the past four days, but basically they're just a lot of downs.

I'll retale today and it should pretty much sum up what 2010 has been like so far. Sidney has been sick since Thursday - she's had diarhhea since then and she quit eating sometime Saturday afternoon. So, I made plans today to take her to the doctor. Whilest walking back from the truck (I started it so the snow would melt off) I tripped over my own feet and landed on my left foot. I managed to pick myself up off the snow-covered, frozen ground and get back in the house. Since I could walk and my foot wasn't hurting too badly, I put my shoes on and loaded Sidney up in the car. I had to swing by my Mom's car to get Sidney's insurance card, but as I hopped out of the truck I realized I COULDN'T MOVE. Let me repeat that, I COULD NOT MOVE. Not one step. It took me 10 minutes to figure out how the hell to get back in the truck!

After that painful endeaver was accomplished, I called Mom to tell her the bad news - basically that I couldn't walk and wouldn't be able to take Sidney to her appointment alone (*side note: Justin was over an hour away at the unemployment office, so he was no help whatsoever, although it hurt his heart to be so helpless*). Mom and Peanut load me and Sidney (who is sick and getting sicker by the minute) into their car and drive me to Urgent Care. I had to re-schedule Sidney's appointment for later in the day, but while we were waiting for me to be seen by the doctor, her lips start turning blue and she starts shaking - physically shaking all over. Mom and I decide that it's probably time for her to see the doctor whether they're ready for her or not; so while I'm helpless in a wheelchair downstairs, Mom takes my poor sick girl upstairs to see someone.

Turns out, my I fractured a non-weight bearing bone in my ankle. And what hurt worse than any of the hobbling and throbbing and whatnot? The fact that my daughter was upstairs, sick and hurting, and I couldn't be with her. I think I cried to everyone who talked to me: two or three nurses, my doctor, the x-ray technician, random people waiting in the lobby! I was a mess. They never could pinpoint why the diarhhea started for Sidney, but she got a UTI from the diarhhea and the infection kept her temp. around 102 - basically, she was in just as much pain as I was - only hers had lasted for almost three days.

So, now she's on antibiotics and we have to monitor her fever. Sidney stayed with her Gran tonight, and I got the report earlier that she was finally eating again - so maybe that means we're over the hill with her. I'm sitting here with my left ankle in a brace, waiting to find out how bad the fracture was (probably won't know until sometime in the next 2-3 days). Lots of hobbling and tylenol-taking and "owie owie owie DAMNIT owie" going on...

So, yeah, 2010? YOU CAN SUCK IT.

Not where I wanted to be today...

...and someone wasn't too sympathetic about my pains, love her heart.