Went to the doctor today.
Verdict is: they don't know jack yet.
Worst part: I can't drive for another six months.
SIX MONTHS.
Do you know how bad this sucks? I'm sure you do. And I know it's all for my own safety and the safety of others. But it just suuuuuuuucks. It suuuuuuuuuucks so hard.
It's back to being driven around everywhere I go, having to ask someone to take me somewhere when I want to go somewhere. Boo-hoo, pitiful little ole me.
I'm having one giant pity party right now.
Oct 11, 2010
Oct 10, 2010
are you trying to tell us something, universe?
As if this week wasn't stressful or worrisome or expensive or headache-inducing enough, Justin hit a deer Friday morning. Totally messed up his truck. He's on the phone with the insurance people now, and it doesn't sound very promising.
I mean, really? Come on, universe, how much can one couple take? How much can one marriage take? How much can one bank account take? How much can one family take?
We're going through enough right now, struggling to get ahead - working really hard to be on top of things. The last thing we need is more bills, whether they be medical or vehicle or whatever. It just feels like whenever we get one step ahead, the universe comes along and kicks us ten steps backwards.
And I know we'll make it. I have no doubt about that. We have enough loving and wonderful people surrounding us, I know we'll be able to pull through and get through this. Between what we can do for ourselves and what other people are willing to do for us, we'll manage.
It just feels really unfair and I want to whine a little. Our problems are minor compared to others, this I know. But these are our problems, the things we have to deal with. And it just sucks that all of it piles up together. Our bad luck comes in spades. And I guess I should've seen it coming - we've been riding pretty high on the hog lately. It was time for some down time. Not everything can be up.
I'm just counting my lucky stars that we're all alive, we're all mostly healthy (save for me at the moment), we've got a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. We've got our jobs. We've got our family. We've got our friends. And we've got each other.
Through everything, we've got each other. And for that, I can stick my tongue at the universe and say "is that all you got?"
I mean, really? Come on, universe, how much can one couple take? How much can one marriage take? How much can one bank account take? How much can one family take?
We're going through enough right now, struggling to get ahead - working really hard to be on top of things. The last thing we need is more bills, whether they be medical or vehicle or whatever. It just feels like whenever we get one step ahead, the universe comes along and kicks us ten steps backwards.
And I know we'll make it. I have no doubt about that. We have enough loving and wonderful people surrounding us, I know we'll be able to pull through and get through this. Between what we can do for ourselves and what other people are willing to do for us, we'll manage.
It just feels really unfair and I want to whine a little. Our problems are minor compared to others, this I know. But these are our problems, the things we have to deal with. And it just sucks that all of it piles up together. Our bad luck comes in spades. And I guess I should've seen it coming - we've been riding pretty high on the hog lately. It was time for some down time. Not everything can be up.
I'm just counting my lucky stars that we're all alive, we're all mostly healthy (save for me at the moment), we've got a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. We've got our jobs. We've got our family. We've got our friends. And we've got each other.
Through everything, we've got each other. And for that, I can stick my tongue at the universe and say "is that all you got?"
Oct 7, 2010
tuesday was an interesting day, to say the least
Tuesday was, in fact, quite a day.
In fact, every day since I turned 22 has been quite a day. It's kind of one thing after another, and if this is how my year of being 22 is going to play out, then no thanks I'll quit right now and skip to 23.
I spent the majority of Tuesday morning unconcious on my bathroom floor. [pause for reaction]
Apparently, somewhere around 7:30AM I hit the floor and stayed there for a good four hours, maybe a little more. I don't remember feeling dizzy or sick or hitting my head or anything like that. I just remember being up one minute with a headace and then waking up several hours later with some EMT guys in my bathroom and Mom and Lila standing in the hallway. [Side note: I had Sidney home with me all morning, not sure what time she woke up - but when Lila came out and found me, she was sitting on the couch watching cartoons - I've been blessed with a smart, safe child thankfully]
So we spent the majority of the day in the ER awaiting numerous tests and many hours passed. Several different nurses and doctors came in and out, no one had a clue what happened or why. And eventually they let me leave with an explanation that no one understood:
You could've fell. You could've had a seizure. You could've hit your head. You could've been in and out of conciousness the whole time. You could've been in a deep sleep. And we have no idea why.
My trust in this particular hospital's ER section has deflated completely. I saw my regular doctor Wednesday morning and she was aghast as to why they let me leave without further testing, without any precautions I should take or any sort of monitoring system in place. She referred me to a neurologist for all the things the hosptial should've done to begin with, and I go Monday to see what's up with my head and all.
I am a little freaked, although I've been trying to find some humor in the situation. I'd rather laugh than cry, so that's what I've been trying to do here. Things might be really bad and then again this might be a one time fluke with no explanation at all. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
But yeah, 22? You suck major as of right now.
In fact, every day since I turned 22 has been quite a day. It's kind of one thing after another, and if this is how my year of being 22 is going to play out, then no thanks I'll quit right now and skip to 23.
I spent the majority of Tuesday morning unconcious on my bathroom floor. [pause for reaction]
Apparently, somewhere around 7:30AM I hit the floor and stayed there for a good four hours, maybe a little more. I don't remember feeling dizzy or sick or hitting my head or anything like that. I just remember being up one minute with a headace and then waking up several hours later with some EMT guys in my bathroom and Mom and Lila standing in the hallway. [Side note: I had Sidney home with me all morning, not sure what time she woke up - but when Lila came out and found me, she was sitting on the couch watching cartoons - I've been blessed with a smart, safe child thankfully]
So we spent the majority of the day in the ER awaiting numerous tests and many hours passed. Several different nurses and doctors came in and out, no one had a clue what happened or why. And eventually they let me leave with an explanation that no one understood:
You could've fell. You could've had a seizure. You could've hit your head. You could've been in and out of conciousness the whole time. You could've been in a deep sleep. And we have no idea why.
My trust in this particular hospital's ER section has deflated completely. I saw my regular doctor Wednesday morning and she was aghast as to why they let me leave without further testing, without any precautions I should take or any sort of monitoring system in place. She referred me to a neurologist for all the things the hosptial should've done to begin with, and I go Monday to see what's up with my head and all.
I am a little freaked, although I've been trying to find some humor in the situation. I'd rather laugh than cry, so that's what I've been trying to do here. Things might be really bad and then again this might be a one time fluke with no explanation at all. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
But yeah, 22? You suck major as of right now.
Oct 4, 2010
where are you fall?
Why is it so frigidly cold already?
Where's the "cool breezes" and "crisp nights" and "light jacket" weather I've known before and love so much?
This ice-cold, chilled-to-the-bones stuff is crazy. And I know it's not even technically that cold out yet (47 degrees isn't exactly frostbite weather), but when you go from a nice 73 degree day to a 47 degree day it feels like Jack Frost just nipped your whole damn face off!
This 90 days of blaring sun followed by 1 day of decent weather followed by 150 days of below freezing temperatures SUCKS.
And I was so looking forward to a nice, enjoyable fall.
Where's the "cool breezes" and "crisp nights" and "light jacket" weather I've known before and love so much?
This ice-cold, chilled-to-the-bones stuff is crazy. And I know it's not even technically that cold out yet (47 degrees isn't exactly frostbite weather), but when you go from a nice 73 degree day to a 47 degree day it feels like Jack Frost just nipped your whole damn face off!
This 90 days of blaring sun followed by 1 day of decent weather followed by 150 days of below freezing temperatures SUCKS.
And I was so looking forward to a nice, enjoyable fall.
Oct 2, 2010
coming to terms with a possible reality
This may be an insane post, but it bears saying. I need to say it. I want to say it.
I've made peace with the fact that Sidney may be our only child. That's not to say we're trying for another baby right now - we're not actively trying. But we're not not trying, either. And there's no reason we shouldn't have been pregnant by now.
Of course, neither Justin nor myself have undergone medical testing telling us we're either "good to go" or need intervention. We haven't altered anything in our day-to-day life to improve our chances. Like I said, we're not trying.
I just feel like there have been so many instances, within the last 6 months especially, when we should've been pregnant. When I felt like it was definitely going to happen. We're not in the best place right now to have that second baby, but we're ready mentally and our hearts are wide open. It'd be hard right now, possibly even harder than it was the first time around. But it feels like the right timing. It feels like we should be having that second baby.
Maybe that's because Sid's getting older and it's just "expected". Maybe the new feeling of the marriage is wearing off, and we're in such a wonderful pattern in our parenting and marriage and life. It feels like it needs to be shook up a little with that second baby.
And maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm giving up on this way too early in the game. And part of me knows that. But before we even get into that territory of wondering if there's something wrong us, I have to make peace with this knowledge: that Sidney may be our one and only. She may be all we're going to get. If I didn't accept that fact and appreciate it, I'd drive myself crazy dreaming about a baby that may never be.
Sidney is enough for us. She is more than enough for us. She's amazing and such a beautiful blessing, the fact that we might not ever have another child could never take away from the amazing joy she brings our lives. I love her endlessly and completely. Sometimes she talks about "brothers" or "sisters" and then she sees that look on my face. She always follows it up with "I'm just playing pretend, Mom".
I feel for her, I really do. I want her to have a sibling or mulitple siblings. I want to give her the chance to be the "big sister". It never crossed my mind before having her that I wouldn't have more than one baby. So to let myself imagine life only with her has taken some time.
But I'm there. I'm okay with having only one child. I'm learning to accept that fact and embrace anything else that comes our way as extra icing on the cake. She is all I'll ever need, all I could ever hope for or want. Anything else past this point will just be a bonus, an extra added joy in my life.
It's taken three years, but I'm there. I'm finally there.
I've made peace with the fact that Sidney may be our only child. That's not to say we're trying for another baby right now - we're not actively trying. But we're not not trying, either. And there's no reason we shouldn't have been pregnant by now.
Of course, neither Justin nor myself have undergone medical testing telling us we're either "good to go" or need intervention. We haven't altered anything in our day-to-day life to improve our chances. Like I said, we're not trying.
I just feel like there have been so many instances, within the last 6 months especially, when we should've been pregnant. When I felt like it was definitely going to happen. We're not in the best place right now to have that second baby, but we're ready mentally and our hearts are wide open. It'd be hard right now, possibly even harder than it was the first time around. But it feels like the right timing. It feels like we should be having that second baby.
Maybe that's because Sid's getting older and it's just "expected". Maybe the new feeling of the marriage is wearing off, and we're in such a wonderful pattern in our parenting and marriage and life. It feels like it needs to be shook up a little with that second baby.
And maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm giving up on this way too early in the game. And part of me knows that. But before we even get into that territory of wondering if there's something wrong us, I have to make peace with this knowledge: that Sidney may be our one and only. She may be all we're going to get. If I didn't accept that fact and appreciate it, I'd drive myself crazy dreaming about a baby that may never be.
Sidney is enough for us. She is more than enough for us. She's amazing and such a beautiful blessing, the fact that we might not ever have another child could never take away from the amazing joy she brings our lives. I love her endlessly and completely. Sometimes she talks about "brothers" or "sisters" and then she sees that look on my face. She always follows it up with "I'm just playing pretend, Mom".
I feel for her, I really do. I want her to have a sibling or mulitple siblings. I want to give her the chance to be the "big sister". It never crossed my mind before having her that I wouldn't have more than one baby. So to let myself imagine life only with her has taken some time.
But I'm there. I'm okay with having only one child. I'm learning to accept that fact and embrace anything else that comes our way as extra icing on the cake. She is all I'll ever need, all I could ever hope for or want. Anything else past this point will just be a bonus, an extra added joy in my life.
It's taken three years, but I'm there. I'm finally there.
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