Book in Review: Catching Fire

I know, I know - wasn't it just last week I was rambling on and on about reading The Hunger Games. And here I am going to ramble on and on again about Catching Fire, the second book in the three-part series. But no, I'm not going to ramble. I'm going to get straight to the point.

Catching Fire felt like a bridge for me. The Hunger Games was amazing, epic, the best way to begin a series. Catching Fire, at this moment, feels like the bridge over the gap between the first book and the last. Was it as exciting as the first? No, not really. Was I as into it as I had hoped? No, not really. There were parts that were a letdown. But I'm glad to have read it because now I'm one step closer to finishing the final book. I had to read Catching Fire to get to Mockingjay. If there had been a cliff notes version lying around somewhere, I would've been just as satisfied to have read that instead of pouring through the entire book.

It was okay. The Hunger Games was a solid A+...Catching Fire only gets a C from me. It was needed, I'm sure - it definitely left me in total suspense, dying to start Mockingjay. But I could've read the last chapter and been done with it.

Maybe I'll feel different after I finish Mockingjay (hopefully by the end of the week) and I'll have warmer feelings towards this book. I just can't stand Katniss wish-washing over who she's really in love with: Peeta or Gale? I can't stand Peeta pouring his heart out for Katniss, laying his life on the line for her repeatedly, and all she can summon up is an, "Okay". I need her to love Peeta, and I know she will in this last book. She has to. There's no way she can choose gimpy Gale over perfect Peeta. No way in hell.

I'm rambling again, aren't I?

Okay, enough of that. Final word: Catching Fire was good, not great. And now I'm ready to start Mockingjay! 

I couldn't resist...

I couldn't help but (over) share these wonderful photos of my girls from my sister-in-law's wedding back in November -- it was a sweet day, made even sweeter by the sight of my girls dressed up so cute! 

Sidney sure does love her Aunt Fanny & Uncle Matt and is counting down the days 'til they move closer to home -- California is just too far away! 

All Photos by: Kstarnzy Photography

what it takes

Admitting our flaws as parents is one of the hardest things to do, especially when we admit them in front of other parents - specifically, mothers. Since becoming a "Mom" over four years ago, I have witnessed the cruelty and quick-slip tongues of mothers jumping at the chance to rip on other mothers for their habits, their choices, and their lifestyles.

It's become second-nature to judge others, to highlight the wrong-doings of those around us - we rarely take the time to put all that attention and negative focus on ourselves. I have no problem shouting my flaws from the roof for the world to hear. They are what make me human, and without acknowledging that I am one heavily flawed individual, I can never grow, never learn and never move past this person I am, here in this moment.

I've yelled at my children, my six month old included. I have locked my daughter out of the bathroom while she fell into a pile of tears on the floor outside because I just needed a minute. I have lost my temper in public, threatened to spank my child all over a parking lot. I have wished for more time away from them, felt resentment towards them when I didn't get to do something I wanted to do. I have done just about everything wrong in the Parenting 101 handbook (that doesn't really exist, no matter how long you spend searching for it), and I have been Bad Mom of the Year several times over.

I am, at times, a bad parent. I openly and gladly accept and admit it.

Because accepting it and admitting to myself makes me a better parent. For as many bad and dark moments I have as a mother, I have a hundred more wonderful and good moments.

I love my children, tell them both daily over and over again just how much. I kiss them, hold their hands and run my fingers through their hair. I play games, roll around in the floor and hide under blankets 'til I'm out of breath and blue in the face. I kiss skinned knees, mop up puke in the middle of the night, rescue lost toys and give in more times than I refuse. I encourage imaginations and dreams, play pretend on a whim, listen to the same song in the car a hundred times over, teach recipes, explain a million questions and give so much more than I take.

I am, at times, a great parent.

Having dark moments does not define us as bad parents - the memories of bad parenting moments will haunt us forever, I'm sure. I still cringe recalling my bad moments, the feeling is just under the surface always ready to make me feel less than human. But the love that boils just underneath those bad feelings surpasses any fear or doubt I have about myself as a mother. I am a good mother - no one can take that away from me, regardless what they might say. I love my girls, and I know they know it.

I don't mind taking a good long look in the mirror sometimes - for them, it makes me a better person. For me, it makes me love them even more.

much needed overnight-vacation

Before the new year, we spent time down in Newport with the family - Mom got us a great rate on hotel rooms and we were able to swim, take the kids bowling, pig out and just "chill". Mom's already got us ready to go back in March for an entire weekend full of cards, kids swimming and more hang time while we wait out winter. Justin and I were even able to sneak in a little trip down to Bass Pro Shops (hello, alligator bites and beer)! It was THE perfect way to say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012. (Thanks, Mom!)

Let's do it again, REAL soon.

2012

It's the new year! How are you all planning to spend 2012? I'm kicking back, enjoying my family and being totally lazy...at least for today.

And every day I hope to be surrounded in love by these people. Happy New Year to all of you -- I don't really make resolutions, just little hopes to be better this year than the last. A better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better person overall.