severing ties

This week has been hard and it's only Wednesday.

I've been struggling, in turmoil internally. First with the healthcare, and then with some equal rights issues that hit close to home for me. I've been really outspoken lately on Twitter and Facebook and here on the blog. It's cost me some followers and readers and maybe even some people I thought were friends. This week has been all about severing ties for me, people weeding me out because they didn't agree with what I had to say.

I can honestly say that I've only unfollowed someone once in the entire time I've been reading blogs and following people on Twitter. I had to stop reading one gal's blog - not because I no longer supported her or because I was angry at her, I just didn't want to keep putting myself in a position that was uncomfortable for me. I never once made her feel like less of a person because of something she did or something she said or something she believed in. Those are her rights as a woman and person and United States citizen. I just did my part, small as it may be.

I'm tired of being on this soapbox. It's causing me to lose sleep, to be distracted at all hours of the day and night. I can't focus on anything. All my mind wants to do is reach into the computer and smack people around until they finally agree to at least try and see things the way I see them. I've been working really hard to practice what I preach and to see things from all different points of view. I want to see the big picture, from all walks of life. I think it helps me to make a more educated decision and gives me stronger legs to stand on when supporting myself against those who try and sway me.

I want this storm to be over, even though it's never really over. It's always lying just below the surface, waiting for a trigger to set the whole thing off. We all smile and laugh and talk about mundane things most of the time - until something dramatic happens and the truth comes out. Those brave enough to state their opinions are thrown to the lions, the huddled masses that jester and jeer, booing you off the stage feeling as tiny as an ant. I usually in the minority group when it comes to radical thinking. I stand alone with a few dozen beside me, spouting off ideas and beliefs that most don't agree with. And I'll be the first to admit, it's terrifying. I sit and shake in front of the computer, near tears trying to be coherent and prove my point of view. I scream at the top of my lungs I AM VALID! MY BELIEFS ARE VALID! I am a woman equal to all others, and I have the right to own my own opinions.

I have the basic human right to believe what I want to believe and to voice that opinion whenever and wherever I so choose.

You may not agree with me. In all odds, you probably don't. But that's fine with me. I support you and your opinions as strongly as I support my own. These are our rights, ladies and gentlemen. These rights given to us by our forefathers to be individuals, free of one governing body of thought. We have voices and brains and hearts and minds and we can use them to spread our truths, our knowledge, our words.

I'm putting away this soapbox, if only for a little while. I can't stand to live like this, embroiled in debate, bruised by the battles of life. I need some peace and quiet. I need for things to lay down and be still, find some calm in this storm. I am proud of myself for standing up and speaking out for what I believe in. I hope I didn't lose you in the fight. I hope we are still friends, that you still think I am a good person with good thoughts, because that is what I believe myself to be. I hope you didn't "unfollow" - but if you did, know this: that is your right, and I support that, too.

Even in these moments of hate, these comments that are ugly, these online battles we've been fighting, I support you still. And I always will.