Flashback Friday "Halloween" Edition

On this day last year we were "trick or treating" as a family of five (with one on the way!) -- We had a rotten little witch, an adorable Draculaura, and a pokey puppy. This year, our littles are going as the cast of Frozen (we've got Elsa, Anna, Olaf & Sven) -- it's crazy how quickly time flies and how many things can change in 365 days. 

The weather this year is supposed to be pretty terrible for being outside, but we're going to do our best and make the most of things! We've got an evening of movies, pumpkins, popcorn and cookies (and hopefully the spoils of candy!) lined up for when we make it home. 

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Halloween -- or as someone on Facebook said the other day, Elsaween (seriously, I can't wait to see how many Frozen costumes are out there this year!) 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Toby - Month Nine

(Two weeks too late, but better late than never, right?....)

We're 3/4 of the way to Toby's first birthday -- this time of year is naturally busy, so I'm sure it'll creep up on us while we're busy celebrating the fall/winter holidays!

This month, Toby finally decided he can sit up on his own -- I'm in no hurry to see him get mobile. With mobility comes independence, and if he's like my other children, fearlessness. The last thing we need is another rambunctious, rowdy boy breaking things and covered in bumps and bruises from multiple knocks and falls! He does do a little "army crawl" style thing to get from A to B -- but again, no rush on my end! 

Toby is still a chunky butt who loves eating and trying new foods. He loves real food, and he loves to feed himself -- I always joke that watching him eat is like watching the ghostly trio from Casper eat! Sometimes the mess is so big, I let Birdie in the house to do first-round of clean up :) He's weighing in around 23 lbs, and I love all his little rolls and lumps. All the more to cuddle and kiss!

I think I can safely say Toby is now sleeping "through the night" -- I'm sure I'll jinx the situation and he'll be back to getting up every two hours. But lately, he's been putting himself to sleep anywhere from 7-9 and will sleep a solid 10-12 hours. It's blissful. I get sentimental A LOT about most everything with Toby seeing as how he's the last and every new thing with him is our last time experiencing a "first" -- but a baby sleeping through the night is welcomed with open arms! I won't miss not sleeping one little bit! 

Toby definitely gets the short end of the stick from his older sisters and brother -- they take his toys, they tend to trample over his play area, and he never gets his pick of anything :)) It's hard to be the low man on the totem pole, but I know his day is coming. He already tries to fight back with Jaxon and has found that if his sisters are bothering him, a quick tug of their hair will put them in check. 

But there tender moments -- he's so loved by everyone -yes, even his older siblings- and they will often fight over who gets to sit closest to him, who gets to kiss him, who gets to feed him. It's precious, even when it turns into a big fight, and I try to take the good with the bad, the sour with the sweet. 

All in all, Toby is a wonderful little dude. Even though he's somewhat impatient. And spoiled. And rotten. He's everything a little boy should be, and I still grin from ear to ear thinking about the moment this little boy shocked us all with his mere existence. 

Currently

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Loving: The fist-bumping affirmation pictured above. I'm all about feminism and finding my voice as a feminist, as an equalist -which isn't really a word, but I'm doing it, so there- and all around supporter of human rights. I'm not the loudest activist or the biggest voice to rally troops, but I feel like I'm among a wonderful generation of open-minded, loving, compassionate, goal-oriented individuals. And I know I'm raising children who will be full of love and, I hope, an openness to embracing people from all walks of life, from different backgrounds with different views and beliefs, with kind words and love. 

Cooking: The last of the fresh veggies from the farmer's market -- we've really stepped up our game this year and finally took advantage of the small -but abundant- weekly farmer's market. I've made plenty of mistakes along the way, but we've been taste testing new food, and even the kids have been open to trying new things. It's been a very productive summer of eating! :) 

Anticipating: Our trip to DISNEY! We leave on the 18th of this month, and I am so excited, I can barely contain myself -- the only thing Justin and I are dreading is the long haul with all four kids in tow. The girls are excellent travelers; the boys, not so much. I'm hoping by breaking it up over two days time and having Gran and Pops in another car to help swap out and provide relief, it'll be easier than we're expecting.  

Listening to: If Birds Could Fly >> I'm so ashamed of myself for not falling in love with this band sooner (they're local! and amazing!) I have spent countless hours on YouTube just listening to song after song. The one below is a personal favorite :) Even Sidney likes it!

Working on: Potty-training Rhealen (slowly making progress!) is the biggest hurdle right now. I'm also working on myself, which is a deep subject and too lengthy to get into here. Aaand I've started Christmas shopping (I know, who am I?) 

Watching: Like the majority of AHS lovers out there, I'm now completely devoted to Freak Show -- how amazing was last night's premiere? This season is going to be mind blowing, I can feel it! Also, you know what a huge TWD fan I am -- this weekend, all my dreams come true! 

Currently series inspired by Danielle.

26*

Sunday was my 26th birthday, and I feel like, if I don't pause and post about it now, I'm never going to do it. And I really like birthday posts, if for no other reason than to look back on them and laugh at myself later on in life.

I am nowhere close to the person I thought I'd be at 26. In some ways, it's a good difference - in others, I feel like I've failed myself. 

When I was younger, I had this vision of what someone in their mid twenties would look like. I imagined a well kept, educated, hard working, partying individual with no kids and a wanderlust lifestyle. Mid twenties looked so young and carefree. And while I do still feel young, I am miles beyond "carefree". 

I am a mother, a working mother no less, with bills and a husband and a lot of personal hurdles yet to overcome. I have backslid, in a lot of ways, to a personality that doesn't fit with the person I am deep down and the person I want to be all the way around. I don't feel like I have the answers to anything yet. I don't feel very accomplished or confident. 

It almost feels like I set myself up for failure from the start in a lot of ways - I gave myself goals based on a timeline I could never comprehend. I imagined a life that didn't exist, or if it does exist, was never meant for me. 

I'm not exactly where I thought I should be at 26, but I am here nonetheless. I have spent the last few months of my life reevaluating choices, trying to grow, trying to find myself again and my path forward. I have battled my demons, hurt myself and others, and found that it's forgiveness I need in my life more than anything. 

I have to forgive myself for a lot of things. I've had to ask forgiveness from those that love me. I have to love myself more and forgive those who can't or won't love me the way I want them to. I have had to be willing to wipe my own slate clean and start new. I've had to erase these goals in my mind, had to relieve pressures and let go of old grudges. 

I've had to do what all mid twenty somethings have had to do - I've had to grow up. 

And I have grown up, in the last two months more so than the last year combined. A birthday is a celebration of life, a somewhat narcissistic celebration (or at least, this birthday post is) - but I hope someday I look back on 25 and remember how hard it was. I hope I remember how promising it felt to turn 26, how the compass seemed to finally point towards a northerly direction worth chasing. 

26 will be good to me and I good to it - I hope I greet 27 with more confidence, more vigor, and a more closely honed sense of purpose and direction. 

So here's to 26 and all it has to offer.

Crazy, Lucky

Our anniversary is coming up this week, and I'm a little sentimental over here -- over a decade with this guy has made me crazy. Crazy in love, crazy in happiness, crazy in denial. 

It hasn't been this long. We haven't gone through so much. We don't have such an awesome family. It's not possible that I'm this lucky. 

But I am -- despite everything I am this lucky. And I owe it all to luck, 'cause I'm not so convinced I deserve a moment of this life of mine.