Dads in the Delivery Room

Lately I've been hearing more chatter from dads who admit that being in the delivery room with their wives and witnessing the ordeal that is birth has a serious effect on their libidos. And while I think every situation is different, and some guys tend to over-exaggerate, I'll be the first to admit that it must be hard for a man to watch a woman give birth to their child. In my opinion, it has to be hard for anyone to watch the childbirth experience - family, friends, nurses, what have you - it's quite the feat of nature and should never be down-played as a minuscule experience...from either side of the bed. 

My husband is a very supportive partner during delivery, and I've come to rely on his presence as a soothing factor, a constant. He may not be able to express himself in words, but I've learned to hear the love in his refusal to leave my side. Before delivery, during and after - he refuses to be anywhere but there with me. I've come to understand it's how he shows his support. He's not one to hold my hand constantly and whisper encouragement or be completely hands-on involved during the delivery; but he's there, right beside me for however long it takes, no matter what. 

with Sidney, 2007

That being said, he's right beside me...at the top of the hospital bed. He's not too keen on keeping an eye on things downstairs, if you know what I mean. He's witnessed both of our children entering the world, and while he's acknowledged it's beautiful and miraculous to witness what a woman's body can do, he also admits it's a bit gory and horrific to watch. Personally, I wouldn't know. I haven't watched myself give birth before, and I don't really have a strong desire to do so this time either. I've seen my share of birth videos, mostly home-births, and while fascinating and humbling, they do make me squeamish if I'm being perfectly honest here.  It's just endlessly amazing how the female body works, and while I have the utmost respect for nature, the sheer logistics of it all, and the wonderment of the situation - when you get down to it, I feel like childbirth is just a little too real for me to appreciate watching, to want to watch and to walk away unaffected in some small or significant way. 

Maybe it truly does affect some men; maybe they can never get past that moment and find it incredibly hard to be intimate with their loved one again after witnessing birth. While I do my best to understand that from a man's perspective, I also will be the first to admit - that's the man's hang up and not the fault of his partner. If he can't move past the experience and regain control of his intimacy it shouldn't be considered the "fault" of his partner. Luckily for us, this hasn't been an issue in the past - and I'm hoping it never becomes an issue, for any reason. 

Still, I fully intend to keep the sheets pulled as low as possible, keep as much of my modesty in tact as I can, and do my best not to glance down towards my feet any during delivery...and I'm sure my husband will be doing the same thing. 

with Rhealen, 2011

Does that make us backwards? A little too politically incorrect for the times? Maybe. But it's what works for us - and I'm a firm believer that doing what's best for individuals, couples, individual couples is what makes the world go 'round.