Baby-ness

There are times I get psychically shaken that Toby is our last baby (when am I going to shutup about this topic, I know, insert your eyeroll here) -- after babies, babies, babies non-stop for nearly seven years, it feels so strange to be in a "last" place with Toby. 

His first time rolling over is the last time one of our children will do that. His first time smiling was the last time. First > last. Over and done. 

And that's bittersweet. Our children are babies, and there's so, so much more to experience with them. Life is good, great, awesome now. I expect it to be 100x more good, great, awesome as the kids grow. I can't wait to see personalities develop and talents bloom. Justin and I both look forward to getting to "know" our kids as they grow. There is so much to look forward to. 

But still, Toby is my last little baby and just a constant reminder that he's it. He's the end. And the beginning, if that makes any sense. He's the end of the babies but the beginning of so much more for our family. It all starts and stops with him.

And if I'm being perfectly honest here, I am looking forward to being without a baby in the future, too. No more two-hour-interval feedings. No more crying without explanation or understanding. No more formula or diapers. There's quite a few things that I look forward to when the time comes that we don't have a baby in the house. 

But mostly, I know I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss gummy, slobber-covered grins. I'm going to miss that smooth, perfect baby skin. And the midnight snuggles. And the joy of a baby on my hip. 

I'm just doing my best to soak up and appreciate Toby in his baby-ness every moment. 

(Someone promise to let me hold your baby when mine are all grown!)