"Sometimes Things Just Suck"

I read back through some of my posts the other day, and a distinct similarity hit me: I've only been sharing the good lately. 

And luckily for us, things really have been mostly good as of late. We're all adjusting well to this whole "family of five" thing, and the kids are all healthy. Justin and I are getting along good, we finally got moved into our house over the weekend (!!!), and work is going good for the both of us. There's really not a lot to complain about, and overall, we're a pretty happy little bunch. 

Of course, that's not to say that we're living in this Beaver Cleaver, rosy-colored, perfect little bubble - far from it! There are bills that pile up and dirty laundry tends to take over our house (old and new at this point!) and the kids can drive anyone to the breaking point. 

There are moments when I fail as a mother. Jaxon is screaming his head off and nothing will soothe him. Rhealen is whiney after just waking up from her nap and demands to be held. Sidney is hungry and in need of a little attention, but I have none to give and dinner just has to wait until the little ones get calmed down. Justin is usually busy in the evenings when he first comes home from work, so he's not always available to help. And I resent him for being outside while I'm stuck inside with the kids. And then he walks into a house full of screaming, whining kids and a wife who's mad at him for no apparent reason, and suddenly the whole family is just sour. 

Those nights are typically few and far in between, but they happen. And when they do, there's really not a lot I can but throw my hands up and just give in to the madness. I'm learning to just laugh at it, roll with it, do my best to take it in stride - and when I can't - I don't punish myself for stepping away. The kids will be fine if I take five minutes to collect myself (most of the time they're already screaming in my arms, so what does it matter if they scream on the other side of the bedroom door?) There are times I don't want to be around them, just wish they would be perfectly silent for ten minutes, and think to myself, "what did I get into with these three?"

Parenting is hard work - don't ever let anyone tell you it isn't. The best babies are work. The best toddlers will still drive you mad. The most independent kid can still make parenting a living nightmare. It's a never-ending merry-go-round of emotions and needs to be met and a million worries. And we all fail at it, at one point or another. No one is the perfect mother or father, every day, all day, 365 days a year. 

Because what is perfection anyway?

I measure my parenting success by having (mostly) clean kids who are fed and happy. Anything beyond that is just a bonus. I am far from a perfect parent, and I'm sure there are people out there who question my parenting style (although I dare them to say something to me about it!)

My main point to all of this rambling is just to say that, yes, things are going great for us right now, but even in the middle of greatness there is ugly. And we all share pieces of that ugly, regardless of how perfect our life looks to the outside world. It's the little things that unite us as men, women, parents, human beings - and being willing to admit that sometimes things just suck is the holy grail of unity.