Thanks for being such a good baby lately, little Nugget. You haven't made me sick, although I've lost most of my appetite. But I'm taking vitamins regularly, and I know you've got plenty of body fat to live off of for awhile. I've been losing weight instead of gaining, which is always a plus, especially since the doctors don't want me to gain more than 15 lbs. tops!
I heard your heartbeat again this morning - your big sister and mamaw were there with me. We're all very excited to meet you! You were a good Nugget and didn't try to hide from the doctor, so we only had to wait about five seconds to hear you coming in loud and clear at 145 bpm. Believe me though, those are the longest five seconds you'll ever experience.
I'm feeling good, only having an occasional bad day here and there - and even when it's bad lately it's not that bad. So thanks, little Nugget. We're finally out of the first trimester, and it's all about your cooking for now. Hopefully I'll see/hear you again in a few weeks.
Dec 17, 2010
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 9, 2010
going, going, gone
Sidney and I are headed off to Columbia, TN this morning for the annual Cantrell Christmas at my grand-parent's house (Mom and Peanut are escorting us, since I still can't drive 'til April, and poor Justin has to work all weekend!)...
I probably won't post this weekend, unless I manage to get a minute to hop on the computer (or figure out how to blog from my phone)! I'll have to play catch-up big time when I get back, so don't write anything too amazing or I'm afraid I might miss it...
I'm going to send you away from my blog this morning - a good buddy of mine found out yesterday she's having identical twins! Mrs. B was due about two weeks after me, but I'm guessing she'll go before me now that she's got two babies cooking in there!! Please go tell her I said "congratulations" - there's so many sweet gals I know having spring/summer babies, it's going to be awesome getting farther and farther along with them (I'm 12 weeks this weekend, yahoo - first trimester done)!
Have a wonderful weekend & I'll see all of you on Monday...
I probably won't post this weekend, unless I manage to get a minute to hop on the computer (or figure out how to blog from my phone)! I'll have to play catch-up big time when I get back, so don't write anything too amazing or I'm afraid I might miss it...
I'm going to send you away from my blog this morning - a good buddy of mine found out yesterday she's having identical twins! Mrs. B was due about two weeks after me, but I'm guessing she'll go before me now that she's got two babies cooking in there!! Please go tell her I said "congratulations" - there's so many sweet gals I know having spring/summer babies, it's going to be awesome getting farther and farther along with them (I'm 12 weeks this weekend, yahoo - first trimester done)!
Have a wonderful weekend & I'll see all of you on Monday...
Dec 7, 2010
looking back
Since I put the LinkWithin system back on my blog, I've been going back and reading some of the random posts from my past. Some of them make me smile. Some of them make me cringe. Some of them make me very proud knowing I wrote something pretty amazing, full of truth and poetic beauty. And of course, some stuff is just mentionless fluff worth nothing.
There have been a few moments where I wanted to go back and "delete" a post, it was that shun-worthy. But I haven't (yet) and hopefully I won't. No matter how embarassing or shameful or mean or weird it might be now to read what I've written, I can't bear the thought of permanently erasing my words. At one point and time, that was what I felt, what I thought - what I chose to write about.
And that makes it worthy of remaining intact with this blog. My little blog has seen many changes - from design to topics to followers to everything else in between. But it has remained my blog, the essence of me at a particular moment in time.
Next month will be the start of another year - the third January in a row I've spent blogging about life. And I can only hope to experience more laughs, more memories, more dreams realized and awakened. I can only hope to look back at my life this time next year and feel the way I do right now: hopeful and happy.
There have been a few moments where I wanted to go back and "delete" a post, it was that shun-worthy. But I haven't (yet) and hopefully I won't. No matter how embarassing or shameful or mean or weird it might be now to read what I've written, I can't bear the thought of permanently erasing my words. At one point and time, that was what I felt, what I thought - what I chose to write about.
And that makes it worthy of remaining intact with this blog. My little blog has seen many changes - from design to topics to followers to everything else in between. But it has remained my blog, the essence of me at a particular moment in time.
Next month will be the start of another year - the third January in a row I've spent blogging about life. And I can only hope to experience more laughs, more memories, more dreams realized and awakened. I can only hope to look back at my life this time next year and feel the way I do right now: hopeful and happy.
Dec 6, 2010
I let myself feel this way, and I shouldn't
Sometimes I'm a very ugly person.
And I don't mean bad-breath, messy-hair, zit-face kind of ugly. I mean, ugly from the inside. My beauty is not even skin deep sometimes.
I read things, hear things - bad things that people are going through or thinking about or dealing with. And I feel a twinge of happiness for their struggles. I think to myself, "serves them right". If they've offended me or upset me or I know some dirty secret they try to keep to themselves - I let myself feel better when they begin to feel worse.
And that's ugly. Rotten, horrible, disgusting. I am not that kind of person - or at least that's what I tell myself 99% of the time. But apparently, sometimes I am that person. Sometimes I am the mean girl, the bitch. Sometimes I let myself become a nasty, rude, self-indulgent, high and mighty person.
I've got to keep better tabs on myself. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I plan to never feel this way again - I'm sure I will. We all do, we all have at some point in our lives. But it's my personal goal to go above and beyond myself when I get low like this. I want to "x" out these bad thoughts and feelings with 100 better, happier feelings. I want to start dwelling on the positive in my life and in other people's lives.
I don't want to be that kind of person that is there for my friends when they're going through awful, bad, down on their luck times, and then disappears when they're back to normal. I want to be there all the time, celebrating the good without feelings of jealousy or self-pity. I want to be there during crisis, supporting them and lending a helping hand without judgment. I don't want to build myself up by tearing someone else down.
It feels so juvenile to be having this conversation with myself. But I'm only human. And before I go back to being my seventh-grade self, I want to stop right now. I want to be a better person. And I will, so help me god.
And I don't mean bad-breath, messy-hair, zit-face kind of ugly. I mean, ugly from the inside. My beauty is not even skin deep sometimes.
I read things, hear things - bad things that people are going through or thinking about or dealing with. And I feel a twinge of happiness for their struggles. I think to myself, "serves them right". If they've offended me or upset me or I know some dirty secret they try to keep to themselves - I let myself feel better when they begin to feel worse.
And that's ugly. Rotten, horrible, disgusting. I am not that kind of person - or at least that's what I tell myself 99% of the time. But apparently, sometimes I am that person. Sometimes I am the mean girl, the bitch. Sometimes I let myself become a nasty, rude, self-indulgent, high and mighty person.
I've got to keep better tabs on myself. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I plan to never feel this way again - I'm sure I will. We all do, we all have at some point in our lives. But it's my personal goal to go above and beyond myself when I get low like this. I want to "x" out these bad thoughts and feelings with 100 better, happier feelings. I want to start dwelling on the positive in my life and in other people's lives.
I don't want to be that kind of person that is there for my friends when they're going through awful, bad, down on their luck times, and then disappears when they're back to normal. I want to be there all the time, celebrating the good without feelings of jealousy or self-pity. I want to be there during crisis, supporting them and lending a helping hand without judgment. I don't want to build myself up by tearing someone else down.
It feels so juvenile to be having this conversation with myself. But I'm only human. And before I go back to being my seventh-grade self, I want to stop right now. I want to be a better person. And I will, so help me god.
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