My dear husband is working seven day shifts right now, and to say that I'm starting to "miss" him would be an understatement. He's always busy and always tired because he's so busy - there's so many conflicting emotions bouncing around within me right now, I just feel frustrated and confused.
I'm grateful he has a job. I can remember all too well being in that fog of unemployment and not knowing where things were headed. I so glad he has a steady paycheck and job security right now, it's an all-comforting feeling. I feel guilty for missing him while he works when I know there are plenty of spouses out there missing their loves for big chunks of time, for example deployment or jobs on the road. At least my husband is home every night - sure he's dog dead tired and collapses into bed before it's dark outside most nights. But he's home, and I can see him. I can smell him and hold him and stare at him for hours while he sleeps if I want to. I feel selfish and juvenile for feeling bad in the first place - this is life, this is the real world. We're grown-ups now, and this isn't eleventh grade anymore. This is just how it works, and I've got to get over the school-girl feelings.
But I mostly I feel kind of lonely. I do love my husband and even though people like to question our marriage sometimes (before he was working this shift, people would say we didn't spend any time together and that made us weird), this is my marriage and I treasure it. It just doesn't feel right right now - it's all funked up. And I really don't like it.
I'm grateful he has a job. I can remember all too well being in that fog of unemployment and not knowing where things were headed. I so glad he has a steady paycheck and job security right now, it's an all-comforting feeling. I feel guilty for missing him while he works when I know there are plenty of spouses out there missing their loves for big chunks of time, for example deployment or jobs on the road. At least my husband is home every night - sure he's dog dead tired and collapses into bed before it's dark outside most nights. But he's home, and I can see him. I can smell him and hold him and stare at him for hours while he sleeps if I want to. I feel selfish and juvenile for feeling bad in the first place - this is life, this is the real world. We're grown-ups now, and this isn't eleventh grade anymore. This is just how it works, and I've got to get over the school-girl feelings.
But I mostly I feel kind of lonely. I do love my husband and even though people like to question our marriage sometimes (before he was working this shift, people would say we didn't spend any time together and that made us weird), this is my marriage and I treasure it. It just doesn't feel right right now - it's all funked up. And I really don't like it.
i'm sorry - that really stinks. he won't work 7 days forever so hopefully you will get to spend time with him soon.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, my husband works from home and I still miss him sometimes! There are times when work piles up (before a big product release, or when he's taken some time off, or worse--when the two coincide, like right now) that he'll work 16+ hour days for a week straight. And he'll be sitting right behind me, but we're not spending time together, or really interacting much at all because he'll be on conference calls and answering emails and playing with databases all at the same time... So I totally get it. And you shouldn't feel guilty for being in love. :)
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