Happiness

I have learned that happiness, in part, is a choice. 

I wake up and remind myself to be happy. Be happy in this life, in this marriage, in this job, in everything. There are so many outside influences affecting my life, if I let them determine my happiness I'd spend my days miserable. So much is out of my control, there is no possible way to rely on the rest of the world to make me happy. 

I choose to be happy. I choose what makes me upset, what makes me laugh, what makes me angry. I decide whether or not to let things stand in my way or fall to the wayside. I am the one who lets the bygones go on by. It's up to me to make myself happy. 

This is my life, the only one I will ever have, and I am bound and determined to make the absolute best out of it. Trusting those around me, loving those around me - letting in all the wonderful things and people who make my life better and letting go of everything that doesn't. 

People make mistakes. People lie and curse and cheat and steal. People break hearts. Life isn't fair. Things don't always go how I plan or want or need. And I can't control any of it. Except how I feel, how I react and how I process. 

I want to be happy, and so I am. 

Does that mean I don't have bad days? Absolutely not. There are gray days, and then there are black days. The blackest black, that creeps up from the insides and blocks out any light or love. It's on those days I have to pull myself back and work even harder to find the good, find the happy. 

I want so much to make this life worthwhile and full of warm memories to surround me in those last moments of my life, whenever it may end. I want to know I put my heart out there and gave love, received love, and was open to the people I fill my life with. 

Today, and every day, I choose happiness. 

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley