mommaruthsays

A lot of people think I don't filter my life (online) I do try very hard to keep things as authentic as possible -- I don't like "pretending" or "glossing" and I want to document our lives as honestly as possible. I don't see the point in staging perfected photos or excluding details that aren't 100% rosy -- they are our story, all the million and one moments that happen, good/bad/whatever. 

But there are some things I keep to myself; my usual rule of thumb is to not share anything I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with a friend or coworker. I don't talk about "naughty" things here, and I don't like to discuss my personal beliefs (too heavily, although I am guilty of getting caught up in the heat of the moment from time to time) -- I do try to censor out things that might be embarrassing for the kids later down the road, and I don't really talk about Justin in much detail (he's not one for living a socially interactive lifestyle) -- and as a result, I don't talk about the fighting we do, which isn't often, but sure is intense when it does happen. 

And I'm really only posting this right now to remind myself later on that we did fight (duh!) -- we were ugly and mean and things were not always rosy. We pushed and pulled and threw our hands up in the air. But, obviously, we didn't give up. We kept our vows and found a way to push onward. 

Marriage is hard, y'all. 

But I married my soul mate, my best friend -- and while we know each other too well (and use that knowledge to cut to the quick in the heat of battle!) -- we love each other; stupid, ridiculous, crushing amounts. I love my husband, the father of my children, the hands I love to hold and the heart that matches mine. There will be more fighting, more harsh words, more tears. It's part of the deal: marriage, not for the faint of heart. 

My only hope is that we look back on this time in our marriage and remind ourselves of just how close we were to the edge. I hope we can remember the way it felt, the fear we both had -- and I hope we learn, together, the best way to fix our broken pieces.