i'ma graduating

As of this Friday, I will be a college graduate. THIS a.k.a. MY LIFE is nowhere near what I thought it'd be at the time of my graduation. I never once imagined it'd take me three years to get at a two-year degree. I never once imagined I'd look out into the crowd on graduation day and see my toddler daughter looking back at me. I would've never dreamt I'd be on the edge of getting married with a baby already here and only an Associates degree to hang on the wall of our 1970s trailer. THIS is not at all how I pictured my life to look like come graduation time.

BUT this is my life. And I love it. In the few short years since my high-school graduation my life has done a 180. I am a completely different person with completely different goals for myself. Is that a bad thing? Absolutely not. Sometimes I feel bad because I'm graduating with the lowest possible college degree out there. More than likely, I won't be graduating with honors. Having a baby in the middle of a semester kind of kills your G.P.A. This graduation looks nothing like my first; I was almost in the top 10 of my class, and I did graduate with honors. I realize those cords around my neck won't make or break me, and I should be incredibly proud of myself for coming this far (and believe me, I am). It's just a different feeling this time-around. I think it's all because I'm a parent now; my feelings are always complicated and messy and never complete. As much as I want to feel sorry for myself for being such an example of education, I'm too proud of myself for making it this far and setting a good example for no one other than my daughter. At the same time, I can't feel overjoyed because I know that I didn't do 110% to the best of my ability.

I am proud of myself. I am so happy to be getting this degree on Friday. And who knows, my grades from this semester might be stellar enough to push my GPA back up into honors territory. No matter what, though, I am going to hold my head high and walk across that stage Friday happy to be a college graduate. Even if it's not how I imaged it'd be. Even though my audience is a little bigger (if only one bigger) than I expected. I am so happy to have made it to this point in my life, and I cannot wait to keep pushing further and reach all of my education goals...for me, for my family and especially for SidMo.