You know that line from Juno - "it started with a chair" - well that's kind of like me.
Except it started with a toilet. And that's not to say that anything remotely sexual happened on the toilet. It's just, that's where I was when I found out I was pregnant the second time around.
Not using the toilet, mind you. Well, I had just peed on the stick - but I'd already buttoned my pants back up and was just sitting there watching the seconds drag by. I get totally teary-eyed and weepy sometimes when I see that old toilet - it takes me back every time I go take a shit at work (which isn't very often, 'cause I don't like to shit in public).
So, yeah, it started with a toilet. I watched the little hourglass blink on and off for those two minutes -which seemed like an eternity- and then "PREGNANT" popped up, screaming at me from the window of that pee stick.
And I ran back into my office. And I looked at my co-worker Rachel, and I'm pretty sure she knew what the results were by the sound of my feet in the hallway. And she said, "Yes?" and I said, "Yes" and the rest was history.
I've taken countless pregnancy tests in my time, more than I'd dare to admit out loud (lest my mother read it and think me a total harlot) - I would also bet that about 99% of those tests were taken in some bathroom (Food City, Long John Silver's, etc) while out traveling or at a friend's house. I've huddled over test after test, counting down seconds like it's the end of the world, feeling that total whoosh of relief when I get one line or the digital "not pregnant"acknowledgment.
I've become increasingly familiar with local bathrooms and toilets galore across SW Virginia and East Tennessee**. Is it something I'm proud of? Not necessarily, but it's the golden truth.
For me, both of my beginnings began on a toilet.
Again, not the sex part. Just the whole, "Hey, you're knocked up!" part. Just making sure you're picking up what I'm laying down here.
**This makes me sound sort of like an irresponsible super slut*** who's had to take a million pregnancy tests. It's not quite anything like that; I'm just a nervous ninny who feels the need to take a test any time my period is a day late. Which has been just about every month since I first started having a period back in sixth grade. I'm a worry wart, that way. If I could have the money I've wasted on tests, I'd be buying us all a round or two or five at the bar Friday night. Just saying.
***Using the expression "super slut"also makes me sound wildly promiscuous - I promise you, my dear husband has been my one and only. Going on nine years with the same guy and totally proud of it. Just saying!
Except it started with a toilet. And that's not to say that anything remotely sexual happened on the toilet. It's just, that's where I was when I found out I was pregnant the second time around.
Not using the toilet, mind you. Well, I had just peed on the stick - but I'd already buttoned my pants back up and was just sitting there watching the seconds drag by. I get totally teary-eyed and weepy sometimes when I see that old toilet - it takes me back every time I go take a shit at work (which isn't very often, 'cause I don't like to shit in public).
So, yeah, it started with a toilet. I watched the little hourglass blink on and off for those two minutes -which seemed like an eternity- and then "PREGNANT" popped up, screaming at me from the window of that pee stick.
And I ran back into my office. And I looked at my co-worker Rachel, and I'm pretty sure she knew what the results were by the sound of my feet in the hallway. And she said, "Yes?" and I said, "Yes" and the rest was history.
I've taken countless pregnancy tests in my time, more than I'd dare to admit out loud (lest my mother read it and think me a total harlot) - I would also bet that about 99% of those tests were taken in some bathroom (Food City, Long John Silver's, etc) while out traveling or at a friend's house. I've huddled over test after test, counting down seconds like it's the end of the world, feeling that total whoosh of relief when I get one line or the digital "not pregnant"acknowledgment.
I've become increasingly familiar with local bathrooms and toilets galore across SW Virginia and East Tennessee**. Is it something I'm proud of? Not necessarily, but it's the golden truth.
For me, both of my beginnings began on a toilet.
Again, not the sex part. Just the whole, "Hey, you're knocked up!" part. Just making sure you're picking up what I'm laying down here.
**This makes me sound sort of like an irresponsible super slut*** who's had to take a million pregnancy tests. It's not quite anything like that; I'm just a nervous ninny who feels the need to take a test any time my period is a day late. Which has been just about every month since I first started having a period back in sixth grade. I'm a worry wart, that way. If I could have the money I've wasted on tests, I'd be buying us all a round or two or five at the bar Friday night. Just saying.
***Using the expression "super slut"also makes me sound wildly promiscuous - I promise you, my dear husband has been my one and only. Going on nine years with the same guy and totally proud of it. Just saying!
"Going on nine years with the same guy and totally proud of it. Just saying!"
ReplyDelete*high five*
Thank you :) I don't have many bragging rights to my name, but this is definitely one of my proudest achievements!
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