when you're hot you're hot

And when you're not you're not.

It's definitely safe to say that Sidney is on a 'not' swing at the moment. As you may have read, we've had a really rough start to the new year. There have been a lot of trips to the doctor in the past few weeks, most of them for Sidney. She's currently fighting off her first UTI brought on by a severe case of diarhhea; today we learned her doctor wants her to undergo an ultrasound and VCUG to determine whether or not she has a reflux problem. From what I've Googled and what I've read from other Moms, it's a fairly common procedure that typically has positive results. Since the VCUG process involves a catheter, I'm really not looking forward to Friday's visit to the hospital - I remember my first, last and only catheter from when I was 5 and in the hospital. It was god-awful (even if my Dad would like to say it's only bad in my mind because I was a child)!!!

When we first got this news, of course I panicked. I hate any kind of news from the doctor that's not 100% positive. I like black and white results, not shades of gray. I hate the in-between, the waiting, the unknown. There's always fear in that - and I'm not equipped to fearing for my child. It's something I don't handle well; and it always seems I get this kind of news at work, so I have to try and keep my shit together in front of people all while trying to answer the phone. And I'm the kind of person that is very trusting of my doctor(s) and their decisions. You say we need some off-the-wall test? Okay, sure thing. You need a sample of blood? Here's a pint. You think it may be contagious and deadly? I'll stay home and write my will. I don't second-guess and I don't really question; and that's not exactly a good thing, I'm starting to think. I have to remind myself to slow down - breathe - take time to think and come up with a few questions to ask. I need to be a better patient in order to help my doctor be better. It's something I need to work on, and it's a little resolution I'm making with myself right now.

That being said, I've talked with my parents and talked with my husband. And I think this is a test we need to go ahead and get done. Sidney needs to have these tests, although I know she's going to hate them and possibly me for submitting her to them. But it's got to be done. I've got to suck it up and be the parent here and do what must be done. Right? Riiiight.

Poor, poor Sidney Morgan.