love songs for my daughter (vol. 2)

I wrote a post for my little gal back in September of 2009 that has been in my mind and in my heart ever since. It was a raw post, written in minutes and straight from the heart.

Now, much like then, I hear songs on the radio or on TV or in movies that are meant for couples, two lovers lost in their own world, and I can't help but think of Sidney. She's a huge inspiration for love and affection in my life, always pushing my emotions to the edge and bringing me back to the brink. I love my child. I love her more than I could ever express here on this blog or in real life, in words or pictures or poems or kisses or hugs or lyrics.

But it is in lyrics I hear moments of the way I feel for her. I hear a line in a song and it strikes me, moves me in such a way that I'm awe-struck. I'm void of all other feelings except the love I have for my child, my daughter, my heart. She is my heart. I tell her every day, over and over, "I love you". I say it so many times I think she's become numb to my words. I hug her tight. I kiss her cheeks and curls and finger tips. I remind her every day that she is smart and beautiful and funny and she can be anything in the world she wants to be.

Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, ease my troubles that's what you do...

I live for this girl. Everything I do as a mother, as a woman, as a human being is to better myself for her. People will tell you that once you become a parent, life stops revolving around yourself. You're supposed to center yourself around your child. And I think I've done that and beyond. The sun rises and sets with my child. I enjoy my "me" time just like any other Mom. But even during that "me" time, I'm talking about my child. I'm thinking about her and wondering what she's doing. Even in the busiest moments of my life, she is the calm that keeps me grounded. I'm her number one fan, her biggest supporter. I am the loudest cheerleader she'll ever hear. I want to push her, believe in her, help her reach the farthest goals. I'm in this for life, to support her and be there for her always.

Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do...I'm hopelessly devoted to you

I dream of the kind of woman she'll be. Where she'll go in life. Who she'll meet. How she'll react to the curve balls that life will throw at her. I constantly fantasize about our conversations. I want to show her so much, teach her things about love and life and what it means to be a good person. I hope she can look at my life and see an outline, a map to the kind of person she wants to be. I want to let her go someday knowing that she's had a wonderful childhood, full of sweet memories and blissful moments.

And now my love, the time has come to send you on your way. So I wish you well and happiness and the blessings of this day. And I hope the love I've given you will forever be your guide.

And it's not just about the love that I give her. The love she bestows upon me is unimaginable. Her presence consumes me. She doesn't judge me. Or demand anything from me, except love. All she asks from me, every morning, every night is love. Kisses and cuddles and time spent playing together. She is better than a best friend. She's more than I could ever ask for. I am lucky enough to know her, and I'm lucky enough to know that - even if I never learn another thing again. I am blessed to be in her life. It is that way and that way only - not the other way around.

I close my eyes at night, wondering where would I be without you in my life...How sweet it is to be loved by you

Parenting is a job. Forever. There are books out there to guide you. You can turn to the advice of the people around you. You can listen to your own parents, follow your doctor's orders, be the kind of parent that lives "by the book". Or you can make up your own rules. You can throw the book and the advice out the window and just fly by the seat of your pants. You can choose to be a "hippie" parent, a parent who doesn't care what all the other Moms and Dads on the playground think. However you choose to parent, it's important (to me) that you do it whole-heartedly. You need to soak yourself in parenting, believe in yourself and do what's right for you and your child.

You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you...

I wish I could sum it all up for you. I try and try and try to explain and I always will. For her, for the world - I want everyone to know I love my child. But as long as she understands, I'll consider myself blessed. I count my lucky stars just so long as she knows how I feel. I will always work hard to convey my emotions, to kiss her back when she kisses me, to say "I love you" a million times more today than yesterday.

I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow...

Love songs were made to inspire, to uplift and to say in a way we can't just exactly how we feel for someone else. I believe that these love songs help me define my love for Sidney. They help to speak volumes about the way I feel when my words escape me and there's nothing more I can say to her. She's still little and she doesn't understand the lines in a song. But she understand love. And she knows how I feel. What more could I ask for in a lover or a friend or a daughter? I love my daughter. She is my friend, my light, my guiding star.

Honey you are my shining star, don't you go away. I wanna be right here where you are, until my dying day.

I love you, Sidney Morgan.